No. 568. Friday, July 16, 1714, No! says he, Your humble Servant, Sir! Upon which he flung himself back in his Chair after a contemptuous Manner, and smiled upon the old lethargick Gentleman on his left Hand, who I found was his great Admirer. The Whig however had begun to conceive a Good-will towards me, and seeing my Pipe out, very generously offered me the Use of his Box; but I declined it with great Civility, being obliged to meet a Friend about that Time in another Quarter of the City. At my leaving the Coffee-house, I could not forbear reflecting with my self upon that gross Tribe of Fools who may be termed the Over-wise, and upon the Diffi culty of writing any thing in this censorious Age, which a weak Head may not construe into private Satyr and personal Reflection. A Man who has a good Nose at an Inuendo, smells: Treason and Sedition in the most innocent Words that can be put together, and never sees a Vice or Folly stigmatized, but finds out one or other of his Acquaintance pointed at by the Writer. I remember an empty pragmatical Fellow in the Country, who upon reading over the whole Duty of Man, had written the Names of several Persons in the Village at the Side of every Sin which is mentioned by that excellent Author; so that he had converted one of the best Books in the World into a Libel against the 'Squire, Church wardens, Overseers of the Poor, and all other the most consider able Persons in the Parish, This Book with these extraordinary marginal Notes fell accidentally into the Hands of one who had never seen it before; upon which there arose a current Report that Some body had written a Book against the 'Squire and the whole Parish. The Minister of the Place having at that Time a Controversy with some of his Congregation upon the Account of his Tythes, was under some Suspicion of being the Author, 'till the good Man set his People right, by shewing them that the satyrical Passages might be applied to several others of two or three neighbouring Villages, and that the Book was writ against all the Sinners in England. Monday VO Vices are so incurable as those which Men are N apt to glory in. One would wonder how Drunken ness should have the good Luck to be of this Number, Anacharsis, being invited to a Match of Drinking at Corinth, demanded the Prize very humorously, because he was drunk before any of the rest of the Company; for, says he, when we run a Race, he who arrives at the Goal first is entitled to the Reward: On the contrary, in this thirsty Generation the Honour falls upon him who carries off the greatest Quantity of Liquor, and knocks down the rest of the Company, I was the other Day with honest Will. Funnell the West Saxon, who was reckoning up how much Liquor had past through him in the last twenty Years of his Life, which, according to his Computation, amounted to twenty three Hogsheads of October, four Ton of Port, Half a Kilderkin of small Beer, nineteen Barrels of Cider, and three Glasses of Champaign; besides which, he had assisted at four hundred Bowls of Punch, not to mention Sips, Drams, and Whets without Number. I question not but every Reader's Memory will suggest to him several ambitious young Men, who are as vain in this Particular as Will. Funnell, and can boast of as glorious Exploits. Our modern Philosophers observe, that there is a general Decay of Moisture in the Globe of the Earth, This they chiefly ascribe to the Growth of Vegetables, which incorporate into their own Substance many fluid Bodies that never return again to their former Nature: But, with Submission, they ought to throw into their Account those innumerable rational Beings which fetch their Nourishment chiefly out of Liquids; especially when we consider that Men, compared with their Fellow Creatures, drink much more than comes to their Share, But however highly this Tribe of People may think of themselves, a drunken Man is a greater Monster than any 1714. 1714. No. 569. any that is to be found among all the Creatures which Monday, God has made; as indeed there is no Character which July 19, appears more despicable and deformed, in the Eyes of all reasonable Persons, than that of a Drunkard. Bonosus, one of our own Countrymen, who was addicted to this Vice, having set up for a Share in the Roman Empire, and being defeated in a great Battle, hang'd himself. When he was seen by the Army in this melancholy Situation, notwithstanding he had behaved himself very bravely, the common Jest was, That the Thing they saw hanging upon the Tree before them, was not a Man but a Bottle, This Vice has very fatal Effects on the Mind, the Body, and Fortune of the Person who is devoted to it. In regard to the Mind, it first of all discovers every Flaw in it. The sober Man, by the Strength of Reason, may keep under and subdue every Vice or Folly to which he is most inclined; but Wine makes every latent Seed sprout up in the Soul, and shew it self; it gives Fury to the Passions, and Force to those Objects which are apt to produce them. When a young Fellow complained to an old Philosopher that his Wife was not handsome, Put less Water in your Wine, says the Philosopher, and you'll quickly make her so, Wine heightens Indifference into Love, Love into Jealousie, and Jealousie into Madness. It often turns the Good natured Man into an Ideot, and the Cholerick into an Assassin. It gives Bitterness to Resentment, it makes Vanity insupportable, and displays every little Spot of the Soul in its utmost Deformity, Nor does this Vice only betray the hidden Faults of a Man, and shew them in the most odious Colours, but often occasions Faults to which he is not naturally subject. There is more of Turn than of Truth in a Saying of Seneca, That Drunkenness does not produce but discover Faults, Common Experience teaches us the contrary, Wine throws a Man out of himself, and infuses Qualities into the Mind, which she is a Stranger to in her sober Moments, The Person you converse with, after the third Bottle, is not the same Man who at first sat down at Table with you. Upon this Maxim is founded one of the prettiest Sayings I ever met with, No. 569, which is ascribed to Publius Syrus, Qui ebrium ludificat Monday, lædit absentem, He who jests upon a Man that is drunk, July 19, injures the Absent. Thus does Drunkenness act in direct Contradiction to Reason, whose Business it is to clear the Mind of every Vice which is crept into it, and to guard it against all the Approaches of any that endeavours to make its Entrance. But besides these ill Effects which this Vice produces in the Person who is actually under its Dominion, it has also a bad Influence on the Mind even in its sober Moments; as it insensibly weakens the Understanding, impairs the Memory, and makes those Faults habitual which are produced by frequent Excesses. I should now proceed to shew the ill Effects which this Vice has on the Bodies and Fortunes of Men; but these I shall reserve for the Subject of some future Paper. No. 570. T Wednesday, July 21. -Nugaeque canorae.-Hor. HERE is scarce a Man living who is not actuated by Ambition. When this Principle meets with an honest Mind and great Abilities, it does infinite Service to the World; on the contrary, when a Man only thinks of distinguishing himself, without being thus qualified for it, he becomes a very pernicious. or a very ridiculous Creature. I shall here confine my self to that petty kind of Ambition, by which some Men grow eminent for odd Accomplishments and trivial Per formances. How many are there whose whole Reputa tion depends upon a Punn or a Quibble? You may often see an Artist in the Streets gain Circle of Admirers, by carrying a long Pole upon his Chin or Forehead in a perpendicular Posture. Ambition has taught some to write with their Feet, and others to walk upon their Hands. Some tumble into Fame, others grow immortal by throwing themselves through a Hoop, Caetera de genere hoc adeo sunt multa, loquacem 1714, No. 570. Wednes day, 1714. I am led into this Train of Thought by an Adventure I lately met with. I was the other Day at a Tavern, where the Master of the House accommodating us himself with every thing we wanted, I accidentally fell into a Discourse with him; and talking of a certain great Man, who shall be name less, he told me, That he had sometimes the Honour to treat him with a Whistle; (adding by the way of Parenthesis) For you must know, Gentlemen, that I whistle the best of any Man in Europe. This naturally put me upon desiring him to give us a sample of his Art; upon which he called for a Case-Knife, and applying the Edge of it to his Mouth, converted it into a musical Instrument, and entertained me with an Italian Solo Upon laying down the Knife, he took up a Pair of clean Tobacco-Pipes; and after having slid the small End of them over the Table in a most melodious Trill, he fetched a Tune out of them, whistling to them at the same time in Consort. In short, the Tobacco-Pipes became Musical Pipes in the Hands of our Virtuoso; who confessed to me ingenuously, he had broke such Quantities of them, that he had almost broke himself, be fore he had brought this Piece of Musick to any tolerable Perfection. I then told him I would bring a Company of Friends to dine with him the next Week, as an En couragement to his Ingenuity; upon which he thanked me, saying, That he would provide himself with a new Frying Pan against that Day, I replied, That it was no Matter Roast and Boiled would serve our Turn. He smiled at my Simplicity, and told me, That it was his Design to give us a Tune upon it. As I was surprised at such a Promise, he sent for an old Frying Pan, and grating it upon the Board, whistled to it in such a melodious Manner, that you could scarce distinguish it from a Base Viol. He then took his Seat with us at the Table, and hearing my Friend that was with me humm over a Tune to himself, he told him if he would sing out he would accompany his Voice with a Tobacco Pipe. As my Friend has an agreeable Base, he chose rather to sing to the Frying-Pan; and indeed between them they made up a most extraordinary Consort, Finding |