the height of heart-heaviness, by how much I shall think my brother happy in having what he wishes for. Ros. Why then, to-morrow I cannot serve your turn for Rosalind? Orl. I can live no longer by thinking. you Ros. I will weary you, then, no longer with idle talking. Know of me, then, (for now I speak to some purpose) that I know you are a gentleman of good conceit. I speak not this, that you should bear a good opinion of my knowledge, insomuch, I say, I know are; neither do I labour for a greater esteem than may in some little measure draw a belief from you, to do yourself good, and not to grace me. Believe then, if you please, that I can do strange things. I have, since I was three years old, conversed with a magician, most profound in his art, and yet not damnable. If you do love Rosalind so near the heart as your gesture cries it out, when your brother marries Aliena, shall you marry her. I know into what straits of fortune she is driven; and it is not impossible to me, if it appear not inconvenient to you, to set her before your eyes to-morrow, human as she is, and without any danger. Enter SILVIUS and PHEBE. Look; here comes a lover of mine, and a lover of hers. Phe. Youth, you have done me much ungentleness, To show the letter that I writ to you. Ros. I care not, if I have: it is my study Phe. Good shepherd, tell this youth what 'tis to love. And so am I for Phebe. Phe. And I for Ganymede. Orl. And I for Rosalind. Ros. And I for no woman. Sil. It is to be all made of faith and service; And so am I for Phebe. Phe. And I for Ganymede. Orl. And I for Rosalind. Ros. And I for no woman. Sil. It is to be all made of fantasy, All made of passion, and all made of wishes; All adoration, duty, and obedience; Phe. And so am I for Ganymede. Phe. If this be so, why blame you me to love you? [To ROSALIND. Sil. If this be so, why blame you me to love you? [TO PHEBE. Orl. If this be so, why blame you me to love you? Ros. Who do you speak to, "why blame you me to love you?" Orl. To her, that is not here, nor doth not hear. Ros. Pray you, no more of this: 'tis like the howling of Irish wolves against the moon.-I will help you, [TO SILVIUS] if I can:-I would love you, [To PHEBE] if I could.-To-morrow meet me all together.-I will marry you, [To PHEBE] if ever I marry woman, and I'll be married to-morrow:-I will satisfy you, [To In spring time, &c. And therefore take the present time, With a hey, and a ho, and a hey nonino, For love is crowned with the prime In spring time, &c. Touch. Truly, young gentlemen, though there was no great matter in the ditty, yet the note was very untimeable. 1 Page. You are deceived, sir: we kept time; we lost not our time. Touch. By my troth, yes; I count it but time lost to hear such a foolish song. God be wi' you; and God mend your voices.-Come, Audrey. [Exeunt. SCENE IV.-Another Part of the Forest. Enter DUKE Senior, AMIENS, JAQUES, ORLANDO, OLIVER, and CELIA. Duke S. Dost thou believe, Orlando, that the boy Can do all this that he hath promised? Orl. I sometimes do believe, and sometimes do not, As those that fear to hope, and know they fear. Enter ROSALIND, SILVIUS, and PHEBE. Ros. Patience once more, whiles our compact is heard. [To the DUKE.] You say, if I bring in your Rosalind, You will bestow her on Orlando here? Duke S. That would I, had I kingdoms to give with her, Ros. [To ORLANDO.] And you say, you will have her, when I bring her? Orl. That would I, were I of all kingdoms king. Ros. [To PHEBE.] You say, you'll marry me, if I be willing? Phe. That will I, should I die the hour after. Ros. But if you do refuse to marry me, You'll give yourself to this most faithful shepherd? Phe. So is the bargain. Ros. [To SILVIUS.] You say, that you'll have Phebe, if she will? Sil. Though to have her and death were both one thing. Ros. I have promis'd to make all this matter even. Keep you your word, O duke! to give your daughter;You yours, Orlando, to receive his daughter:Keep you your word, Phebe, that you'll marry me; Or else, refusing me, to wed this shepherd :Keep your word, Silvius, that you'll marry her, If she refuse me :-and from hence I go, To make these doubts all even-even so. : [Exeunt ROSALIND and CELIA. Duke S. I do remember in this shepherd-boy Some lively touches of my daughter's favour. Orl. My lord, the first time that I ever saw him, Methought he was a brother to your daughter: But, my good lord, this boy is forest-born, And hath been tutor'd in the rudiments Of many desperate studies by his uncle, Whom he reports to be a great magician, Obscured in the circle of this forest. Enter TOUCHSTONE and AUDREY. Jaq. There is, sure, another flood toward, and these couples are coming to the ark. Here comes a pair of very strange beasts, which in all tongues are called fools. Touch. Salutation and greeting to you all. Jaq. Good my lord, bid him welcome. This is the motley-minded gentleman, that I have so often met in the forest: he hath been a courtier, he swears. Touch. If any man doubt that, let him put me to my purgation. I have trod a measure; I have flattered a lady; I have been politic with my friend, smooth with mine enemy; I have undone three tailors; I have had four quarrels, and like to have fought one. Jaq. And how was that ta'en up? Touch. 'Faith, we met, and found the quarrel was upon the seventh cause. Jaq. How the seventh cause?-Good my lord, like this fellow. Duke S. I like him very well. Touch. God'ild you, sir; I desire you of the like. I press in here, sir, amongst the rest of the country copulatives, to swear, and to forswear, according as marriage binds, and blood breaks.-A poor virgin, sir, an illfavoured thing, sir, but mine own: a poor humour of mine, sir, to take that that no man else will. Rich honesty dwells like a miser, sir, in a poor-house, as your pearl in your foul oyster. Duke S. By my faith, he is very swift and senten tious. Touch. According to the fool's bolt, sir, and such dulcet diseases. Jaq. But, for the seventh cause; how did you find the quarrel on the seventh cause? Touch. Upon a lie seven times removed.-Bear your body more seeming, Audrey.-As thus, sir. I did dislike the cut of a certain courtier's beard: he sent me word, if I said his beard was not cut well, he was in the mind it was: this is called the "retort courteous." If I sent him word again, it was not well cut, he would send me word, he cut it to please him self: this is called the "quip modest." If again, it was not well cut, he disabled my judgment: this is called the "reply churlish." If again, it was not well cut, he would answer, I spake not true: this is called the "reproof valiant." If again, it was not well cut, he would say, I lied: this is called the "countercheck quarrelsome:" and so to the "lie circumstantial," and the "lie direct." Jaq. And how oft did you say, his beard was not well cut? Touch. I durst go no farther than the "lie circumstantial," nor he durst not give me the "lie direct;" and so we measured swords, and parted. Jaq. Can you nominate in order now the degrees of the lie? Touch. O sir, we quarrel in print, by the book, as you have books for good manners: I will name you the degrees. The first, the retort courteous; the second, the quip modest; the third, the reply churlish; the fourth, the reproof valiant; the fifth, the countercheck quarrelsome; the sixth, the lie with circumstance; the seventh, the lie direct. All these you may avoid, but the lie direct; and you may avoid that too, with an if. I knew when seven justices could not take up a quarrel; but when the parties were met themselves, one of them thought but of an if, as If you said so, then I said so; and they shook hands and swore brothers. Your if is the only peace-maker; much virtue in if. Jaq. Is not this a rare fellow, my lord? he's as good at any thing, and yet a fool. Duke S. He uses his folly like a stalking-horse, and under the presentation of that he shoots his wit. Enter HYMEN, leading ROSALIND in woman's clothes; and CELIA. Still Music. Hym. Then is there mirth in heaven, Atone together. Good duke, receive thy daughter, Yea, brought her hither, That thou might'st join her hand with his, Ros. [To DUKE S.] To you I give myself, for I am [TO PHEBE.] Nor ne'er wed woman, if you be not she. Hym. Peace, ho! I bar confusion. 'Tis I must make conclusion Of these most strange events: If truth holds true contents. [TO OLIVER and CELIA.] You and you are heart in heart: [To PHEBE.] You to his love must accord, Or have a woman to your lord: [TO TOUCHSTONE and AUDREY.] You and you As the winter to foul weather. SONG. Wedding is great Juno's crown: O, blessed bond of board and bed! High wedlock, then, be honoured: Duke S. O, my dear niece! welcome thou art to me: Phe. [To SILVIUS.] I will not eat my word, now thou art mine; Thy faith my fancy to thee doth combine. Enter Second Brother. 2 Bro. Let me have audience for a word or two. Welcome, young man. Duke S. Play, music! and you brides and bridegrooms all, Jaq. Sir, by your patience.-If I heard you rightly, And thrown into neglect the pompous court? Jaq. To him will I: out of these convertites You [To OLIVER] to your land, and love, and great : You [To SILVIUS] to a long and well deserved bed :- Is but for two months victuall'd.-So, to your pleasures: Jaq. To see no pastime, I:-what you would have, EPILOGUE. Ros. It is not the fashion to see the lady the Epi- | charge you, O women! for the love you bear to men, logue; but it is no more unhandsome, than to see the to like as much of this play as please you: and I lord the Prologue. If it be true, that good wine charge you, O men! for the love you bear to women, needs no bush, 'tis true that a good play needs no (as I perceive by your simpering none of you hates epilogue; yet to good wine they do use good bushes, them) that between you and the women, the play may and good plays prove the better by the help of good please. If I were a woman, I would kiss as many of epilogues. What a case am I in, then, that am neither you as had beards that pleased me, complexions that a good epilogue, nor cannot insinuate with you in the liked me, and breaths that I defied not; and, I am behalf of a good play? I am not furnished like a beg-sure, as many as have good beards, or good faces, or gar, therefore to beg will not become me my way is, sweet breaths, will, for my kind offer, when I make to conjure you; and I'll begin with the women. I curtsey, bid me farewell. [Exeunt. Tailor, Haberdasher, and Servants attending on Baptista and Petruchio. INDUCTION. SCENE I.-Before an Alehouse on a Heath. Sly. I'll pheese you, in faith. Host. I know my remedy; I must go fetch the Lord. Huntsman, I charge thee, tender well my Brach Merriman,-the poor cur is emboss'd, I would not lose the dog for twenty pound. 1 Hun. Why, Belman is as good as he, my lord; Lord. Thou art a fool: if Echo were as fleet, 1 Hun. I will, my lord. 2 Hun. He breathes, my lord. Were he not warm'd with ale, This were a bed but cold to sleep so soundly. Lord. O, monstrous beast! how like a swine he lies. 1 Hun. Believe me, lord, I think he cannot choose. Lord. What's here? one dead, or drunk? See, doth For he is nothing but a mighty lord. he breathe? This do, and do it kindly, gentle sirs: hands? It will be pastime passing excellent, If it be husbanded with modesty. Anon I'll give thee more instructions. [Exit Servant. 1 Hun. My lord, I warrant you, we will play our part, Voice, gait, and action of a gentlewoman: Lord. Take him up gently, and to bed with him, And each one to his office when he wakes. [SLY is borne out. A trumpet sounds. Sirrah, go see what trumpet 'tis that sounds: [Exit Servant. Belike, some noble gentleman, that means, How now? who is't? Enter five or six Players. Now, fellows, you are welcome. Players. We thank your honour. Lord. Do you intend to stay with me to-night? 2 Play. So please your lordship to accept our duty. Lord. With all my heart.-This fellow I remember, Since once he play'd a farmer's eldest son :'Twas where you woo'd the gentlewoman so well. I have forgot your name; but, sure, that part Was aptly fitted, and naturally perform'd. 1 Play. I think, 'twas Soto that your honour means. Lord. 'Tis very true: thou didst it excellent. Well, you are come to me in happy time, The rather for I have some sport in hand, Wherein your cunning can assist me much. There is a lord will hear you play to-night; But I am doubtful of your modesties, Lest, over-eying of his odd behaviour, (For yet his honour never heard a play) You break into some merry passion, And so offend him; for I tell you, sirs, If you should smile he grows impatient. i Play. Fear not, my lord: we can contain ourselves, Were he the veriest antic in the world. Lord. Go, sirrah, take them to the buttery, And give them friendly welcome every one: Let them want nothing that my house affords. [Exeunt Servant and Players. Sirrah, go you to Bartholmew my page, [To a Servant. And see him dress'd in all suits like a lady: That done, conduct him to the drunkard's chamber; And call him madam, do him obeisance: Tell him from me, as he will win my love, He bear himself with honourable action, Such as he hath observ'd in noble ladies Unto their lords by them accomplished: Such duty to the drunkard let him do, With soft low tongue, and lowly courtesy; And say,-what is't your honour will command, Wherein your lady, and your humble wife May show her duty, and make known her love? And then, with kind embracements, tempting kisses, And with declining head into his bosom, Bid him shed tears, as being overjoy'd To see her noble lord restor'd to health, Who for this seven years hath esteemed him No better than a poor and loathsome beggar. And if the boy have not a woman's gift, To rain a shower of commanded tears, An onion will do well for such a shift, Which, in a napkin being close convey'd, Shall in despite enforce a watery eye. See this despatch'd with all the haste thou canst: I long to hear him call the drunkard husband, Sly. For God's sake, a pot of small ale. 1 Serv. Will't please your lordship drink a cup of sack? 2 Serv. Will't please your honour taste of these conserves? 3 Serv. What raiment will your honour wear to-day? Sly. I am Christophero Sly; call not me honour, nor lordship: I ne'er drank sack in my life; and if you give me any conserves, give me conserves of beef. Ne'er ask me what raiment I'll wear, for I have no more doublets than backs, no more stockings than legs, nor no more shoes than feet; nay, sometime, more feet than shoes, or such shoes as my toes look through the overleather. Lord. Heaven cease this evil humour in your honour! O! that a mighty man, of such descent, Of such possessions, and so high esteem, Should be infused with so foul a spirit! Sly. What! would you make me mad? Am not I Christophero Sly, old Sly's son, of Burton-heath; by birth a pedlar, by education a card-maker, by transmutation a bear-herd, and now by present profession a tinker? Ask Marian Hacket, the fat alewife of Wincot, if she know me not: if she say I am not fourteen pence on the score for Warwickshire ale, score me up for the lying'st knave in Christendom. What! I am not bestraught. Here's 1 Serv. O! this it is that makes your lady mourn. As beaten hence by your strange lunacy. Wilt thou have music? hark! Apollo plays, [Music. Or wilt thou sleep? we'll have thee to a couch, On purpose trimm'd up for Semiramis. 1 Serv. Say thou wilt course, thy greyhounds are as swift As breathed stags, ay, fleeter than the roe. 2 Serv. Dost thou love pictures? we will fetch thee |