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Speed. Why then, my horns are bis horns, whether which cannot perish, having thee aboard,
Being destin'd to a drier death on shore. -
I fear my Julia would not deign my lines, Pro. True, and thy master a shepherd.
Receiving them from such a worthless post. [Erit. Speed. Nay, that I can deny by a circumstance.
SCENE II.- The Same. Julia's Garden. Pro. It shall go hard, but I'll prove it by another.
Enter Julia and Lucetta. Speed. The shepherd seeks the sheep, and not the sheep the shepherd; but I seek my master, and my Jul. But say, Lucetta, now we are alone, master seeks not me: therefore, I am no sheep. Wouldst thou, then, counsel me to fall in love ?
Pro. The sheep for fodder follow the shepherd, the Luc. Ay, madam; so you stumble not unheedfully. shepherd for food follows not the sheep; thou for Jul. Of all the fair resort of gentlemen, wages followest thy master, thy master for wages That every day with parle encounter me, follows not thee: therefore, thou art a sheep.
In thy opinion which is worthiest love? Speed. Such another proof will make me cry“ baa." Luc. Please you, repeat their names, I'll show my
Pro. But, dost thou hear? gav'st thou my letter to mind Julia?
According to my shallow simple skill. Speed. Ay, sir: I, a lost mutton, gave your letter to Jul. What think'st thou of the fair Sir Eglamour ? her, a laced mutton; and she, a laced mutton, gave Luc. As of a knight well-spoken, neat and fine; me, a lost mutton, nothing for my labour.
But, were I you, he never should be mine. Pro. Here's too small a pasture for such store of Jul. What think'st thou of the rich Mercutio? muttons.
Luc. Well, of his wealth ; but of himself, so, so. Speed. If the ground be overcharg'd, you were best Jul. What think'st thou of the gentle Proteus ? stick her.
Luc. Lord, lord ! to see what folly reigns in us! Pro. Nay, in that you are a stray, 'twere best pound Jul. How now! what means this passion at his name? you.
Luc. Pardon, dear madam : 'tis a passing shame, Speed. Nay, sir, less than a pound shall serve me That I, unworthy body as I am, for carrying your letter.
Should censure thus a loving gentleman. Pro. 'You mistake: I mean the pound, the pinfold. Jul. Why not on Proteus, as of all the rest? Speed. From a pound to a pin? fold it over and over, Luc. Then thus,-of many good I think him best. 'Tis threefold too little for carrying a letter to your
Jul. Your reason? lover.
Luc. I have no other but a woman's reason : Pro. But what said she? did she nod ?
I think him so, because I think him so. Speed. I.
[Speed nods. Jul. And wouldst thou have me cast my love on him? Pro. Nod, I? why that's noddy.
Luc. Ay, if you thought your love not cast away. Speed. You mistook, sir: I say she did nod, and Jul. Why, he, of all the rest, hath never mov'd me. you ask me, if she did nod ? and I
Luc. Yet he, of all the rest, I think, best loves ye. Pro. And that set together, is noddy.
Jul. His little speaking shows his love but small. Speed. Now you have taken the pains to set it Luc. Fire that's closest kept burns most of all. together, take it for your pains.
Jul. They do not love, that do not show their love. Pro. No, no; you shall have it for bearing the letter. Luc. 0! they love least, that let men know their love.
Speed. Well, I perceive I must be fain to bear with Jul. I would I knew his mind. you.
Peruse this paper, madam. Pro. Why, sir, how do you bear with me?
Jul. “To Julia.” Say, from whom? [ Gives a letter. Speed. Marry, sir, the letter very orderly; having Luc.
That the contents will show. nothing but the word noddy for my pains.
Jul. Say, say, who gave it thee? Pro. Beshrew me, but you have a quick wit.
Luc. Sir Valentine's page; and sent, I think, from Speed. And yet it cannot overtake your slow purse.
Proteus. Pro. Come, come; open the matter in brief : what He would have given it you, but I, being in the way, said she ?
Did in your name receive it: pardon the fault, I pray. Speed. Open your purse, that the money, and the Jul. Now, by my modesty, a goodly broker! matter, may be both at once deliver'd.
Dare you presume to barbour wanton lines? Pro. Well, sir, here is for your pains. What said To whisper and conspire against my youth? she?
(Giving him money. Now, trust me, 'tis an office of great worth, Speed. Truly, sir, I think you'll hardly win her. And you an officer fit for the place. Pro. Why? Couldst thou perceive so much from her? There, take the paper: see it be return'd, [Gives it back. Speed. Sir, I could perceive nothing at all from her or else return no more into my sight. better;
Luc. To plead for love deserves more fee than hate. No, not so much as a ducat for delivering your letter; Jul. Will you be gone? And being so hard to me that brought to her your mind, Luc.
That you may ruminate. (Exit. I fear she'll prove as bard to you in telling you her Jul. And yet, I would I had o'erlook'd the letter. mind.
It were a shame to call her back again,
What fool is she, that knows I am a maid, Speed. No, not so much as—“take this for thy And would not force the letter to my view, pains.” To testify your bounty, I thank you, you Since maids, in modesty, say “No," to that have testern'd me; in requital whereof, henceforth Which they would have the profferer construe, "Ay." carry your letters yourself. And so, sir, I'll com- Fie, fie! how wayward is this foolish love, mend you to my master.
[Exit. That like a testy babe will scratch the nurse, Pro. Go, go, be gone, to save your ship from wreck, And presently, all humbled, kiss the rod.
How churlishly I chid Lucetta hence,
Except mine own name; that some whirlwind bear When willingly I would have had her here:
Unto a ragged, fearful, hanging rock, How angerly I taught my brow to frown,
And throw it thence into the raging sea. When inward joy enforc'd my heart to smile.
Lo! here in one line is his name twice writ,My penance is to call Lucetta back,
“ Poor forlorn Proteus; passionate Proteus And ask remission for my folly past.
To the sweet Julia :"—that I'll tear away; What ho! Lucetta !
yet I will not, sith so prettily Re-enter Lucetta.
He couples it to his complaining name. Luc.
What would your ladyship? Thus will I fold them one upon another :
Now kiss, embrace, contend, do what you will.
Dinner is ready, and your father stays.
Luc. What! shall these papers lie like tell-tales here? Luc. Nothing.
Jul. If you respect them, best to take them up. Jul. Why didst thou stoop, then?
Luc. Nay, I was taken up for laying them down; 1 Luc.
To take a paper up Yet here they shall not lie for catching cold. That I let fall.
Jul. I see, you have a month's mind unto them. Jul. And is that paper nothing ?
Luc. Ay, madam, you may see what sights you think; Luc. Nothing concerning me.
I see things too, although you judge I wink. Jul. Then let it lie for those that it concerns.
Jul. Come, come; will’t please you go? (Exeunt. Luc. Madam, it will not lie where it concerns, SCENE III.— The Same. A Room in Antonio's Unless it have a false interpreter.
Enter ANTONIO and PanthINO.
Ant. Tell me, Panthino, what sad talk was that, Jul. As little by such toys as may be possible. Wherewith my brother held you in the cloister? Best sing it to the tune of “Light o' love."
Pant. 'Twas of his nephew Proteus, your son. Luc. It is too heavy so light a tune.
Ant. Why, what of him? Jul. Heavy? belike, it hath some burden then. Pant.
He wonder'd, that your lordship Luc. Ay; and melodious were it, would you sing it. Would suffer him to spend his youth at home, Jul. And why not you?
While other men, of slender reputation, Luc.
I cannot reach so high. Put forth their sons to seek preferment out: Jul. Let's see your song.–[Snatching the letter.] Some to the wars, to try their fortune there; How now, minion !
Some, to discover islands far away; Lue. Keep tune there still, so you will sing it out: Some, to the studious universities. And yet, methinks, I do not like this tune.
For any, or for all these exercises, Jui. You do not?
He said, that Proteus, your son, was meet, Luc.
No, madam; it is too sharp. And did request me to importune you, Jul. You, minion, are too saucy.
To let him spend his time no more at home,
Nay, now you are too flat, Which would be great impeachment to his age,
Ant. Nor need'st thou much importune me to that
I have consider'd well his loss of time, Jul. This babble shall not henceforth trouble me. And how he cannot be a perfect man, Here is a coil with protestation !
Not being tried and tutor'd in the world : [Tears the letter, and throws it down. Experience is by industry achiev'd, Go; get you gone, and let the papers
And perfected by the swift course of time. You would be fingering them to anger me.
Then, tell me, whither were I best to send him? Luc. She makes it strange, but she would be pleas'd Pant. I think, your lordship is not ignorant better
How his companion, youthful Valentine,
Pant. 'Twere good, I think, your lordship sent him Injurious wasps, to feed on such sweet honey,
Hear sweet discourse, converse with noblemen,
Worthy his youth, and nobleness of birth.
Ant. I like thy counsel : well hast thou advis’d; Trampling contemptuously on thy disdain.
And, that thou may’st perceive how well I like it, And here is writ-love-wounded Proteus."
The execution of it shall make known.
Even with the speediest expedition
Pant. 'To-morrow, may it please you, Don Alphonso,
Are journeying to salute the emperor, TIL I have found each letter in the letter,
And to commend their service to his will.
Ant. Good company; with them shall Proteus go: What maintenance he from his friends receives, And, in good time,-now will we break with him. Like exhibition thou shalt have from me.
Enter Proteus, not seeing his Father. To-morrow be readiness to go: Pro. Sweet love! sweet lines ! sweet life!
Excuse it not, for I am peremptory. Here is her hand, the agent of her heart;
Pro. My lord, I cannot be so soon provided :
[Kissing a letter. Please you, deliberate a day or two. Here is her oath for love, her honour's
Ant. Look, what thou want'st shall be sent after thee : 0! that our fathers would applaud our loves, No more of stay; to-morrow thou must go.And seal our happiness with their consents!
Come on, Panthino : you shall be employ'd O heavenly Julia !
To hasten on his expedition. Ant. How now! what letter are you reading there?
[Exeunt Antonio and PanthinO. Pro. May't please your lordship, 'tis a word or two Pro. Thus have I shunn'd the fire for fear of burning, Of commendations sent from Valentine, [Putting it up. And drench'd me in the sea, where I am drown'd. Deliver'd by a friend that came from him.
I fear'd to show my father Julia's letter,
Hath he excepted most against my love.
0! how this spring of love resembleth Wishing me with him, partner of his fortune.
The uncertain glory of an April day,
And by and by a cloud takes all away.
He is in haste; therefore, I pray you, go.
Pro. Why, this it is: my heart accords thereto, I am resolv'd, that thou shalt spend some time And yet a thousand times it answers no. [Exeunt. With Valentino in the emperor's court:
SCENE I.-Milan. A Room in the Duke's Palace.
Speed. Without you? nay, that's certain; for, withEnter VALENTINE and Speed.
out you were so simple, none else would be: but you
are so without these follies, that these follies are within Speed. Sir, your glove.
you, and shine through you like the water in an urinal, Val.
Not mine ; my gloves are on that not an eye that sees you, but is a physician to Speed. Why then this may be yours, for this is but comment on your malady.
Val. But, tell me, dost thou know my lady Silvia ? Val. Ha! let me see : ay, give it me, it's mine.- Speed. She, that you gaze on so, as she sits at supper? Sweet ornament that decks a thing divine !
Val. Hast thou observed that? even she I mean. Ah Silvia ! Silvia !
Speed. Why, sir, I know her not. Speed. Madam Silvia! madam Silvia !
Val. Dost thou know her by my gazing on her, and Val. How now, sirrah?
yet know'st her not? Speed. She is not within hearing, sir.
Speed. Is she not hard-favour'd, sir? Val. Why, sir, who bade you call her?
Val. Not so fair, boy, as well favour'd. Speed. Your worship, sir; or else I mistook.
Speed. Sir, I know that well enough. Val. Well, you'll still be too forward.
Val. What dost thou know? Speed. And yet I was last chidden for being too slow. Speed. That she is not so fair, as (of you) wellVal. Go to, sir. Tell me, do you know madam Silvia? favour'd. Speed. She that your worship loves ?
Val. I mean, that her beauty is exquisite, but her Val. Why, how know you that I am in love? favour infinite.
Speed. Marry, by these special marks. First, you Speed. That's because the one is painted, and the have learn'd, like sir Proteus, to wreath your arms, like other out of all count. a mal-content; to relish a love song, like a robin-red- Val. How painted ? and how out of count? breast; to walk alone, like one that hath the pestilence; Speed. Marry, sir, so painted to make her fair, that to sigh, like a schoolboy that hath lost his A B C; to no man 'counts of her beauty. weep, like a young wench that hath buried her grandam; Val. How esteem'st thou me? I account of her to fast, like one that takes diet; to watch, like one beauty. that fears robbing; to speak puling, like a beggar at Speed. You never saw her since she was deform'd. Hallowmas. You were wont, when you laugh'd, to Val. How long hath she been deform’d? crow like a cock; when you walk'd, to walk like one Speed. Ever since you loved her. of the lions; when you fasted, it was presently after Val. I have loved her ever since I saw her, and still dinner; when
look'd sadly, it was for want of I see her beautiful. money; and now you are so metamorphosed with a Speed. If you love her, you cannot see her. mistress, that, when I look on you, I can hardly think Val. Why? you my master.
Speed. Because love is blind. 0! that you had Val. Are all these things perceived in me? mine eyes; or your own eyes had the lights they were Speed. They are all perceived without ye.
wont to have, when you chid at sir Proteus for going Val. Without me? they cannot.
Val. What should I see then ?
Val. How now, sir! what, are you reasoning with Speed. Your own present folly, and her passing de- yourself? formity; for he, being in love, could not see to garter Speed. Nay, I was rhyming: 'tis you that have the his hose; and you, being in love, cannot see to put on your hose.
Val. To do what? l'al Belike, boy, then you are in love ; for last Speed. To be a spokesman from madam Silvia. morning you could not see to wipe my shoes.
Val. To whom ? Speed. True, sir ; I was in love with my bed. I Speed. To yourself. Why, she woos you by a figure. thank you, you swinged me for my love, which makes Val. What figure ? me the bolder to chide you for yours.
Speed. By a letter, I should say. Val. In conclusion, I stand affected to her.
Val. Why, she hath not writ to me? Speed. I would you were set, so your affection would Speed. What need she, when she hath made you
write to yourself? Why, do you not perceive the jest? Val. Last night she enjoin'd me to write some lines Val. No, believe me. to one she loves.
Speed. No believing you, indeed, sir: but did you Speed. And have you?
perceive her earnest ? l'al. I have,
Val. She gave me none, except an angry word. Speed. Are they not lamely writ?
Speed. Why, she hath given you a letter. Val. No, boy, but as well as I can do them.- Val. That's the letter I writ to her friend. Peace! here she comes.
Speed. And that letter hath she deliver'd, and there Enter Silvia. Speed. O excellent motion ! O exceeding puppet! Val. I would it were no worse ! Now will he interpret to her.
I'll warrant you, 'tis as well : Fal. Madam and mistress, a thousand good morrows. For often have you writ to ber, and she, in modesty, Speed. O! 'give ye good even : here's a million of Or else for want of idle time, could not again reply;
[Aside. Or fearing else some messenger, that might her mind Sil. Sir Valentine and servant, to you two thousand. discover, Speed. He should give her interest, and she gives it Her self hath taught her love himself to write unto her him.
lover. Val. As you enjoin'd me, I have writ your letter All this I speak in print, for in print I found it.Unto the secret nameless friend of yours;
Why muse you, sir ? 'tis dinner time. Which I was much unwilling to proceed in,
Val. I have dined. But for my duty to your ladyship. [Giving a paper. Speed. Ay, but hearken, sir: though the cameleon
Sil. I thank you, gentle servant. "Tis very clerkly love can feed on the air, I am one that am nourish'd done.
by my victuals, and would fain have meat. O! be not Val. Now trust me, madam, it came hardly off; like your mistress : be moved, be moved. [Exeunt. For, being ignorant to whom it goes,
SCENE II.–Verona. A Room in Julia's House. I writ at random, very doubtfully.
Enter PROTEUS and Julia.
Val. No, madam : so it stead you, I will write, Pro. Have patience, gentle Julia.
Pro. When possibly I can, I will return.
. A pretty period. Well, I guess the sequel : Jul. If you turn not, you will return the sooner. And yet I will not name it ;—and yet I care not;- Keep this remembrance for thy Julia's sake. And yet take this again ;-—and yet I thank you, Pro. Why then, we'll make exchange: here, take Meaning henceforth to trouble you no more.
[Exchange rings. Speed. And yet you will; and yet, another yet. Jul. And seal the bargain with a holy kiss.
[ Aside. Pro. Here is my hand for my true constancy; Val. What means your ladyship? do you not like it? And when that hour o'er-slips me in the day, Sil. Yes, yes: the lines are very quaintly writ, Wherein I sigh not, Julia, for thy sake, But since unwillingly, take them again.
The next ensuing hour some foul mischance Nay, take them.
[Giving it back. Torment me for my love's forgetfulness. l'al. Madam, they are for you.
My father stays my coming; answer not. Sil
. Ay, ay; you writ them, sir, at my request, The tide is now: nay, not thy tide of tears; But I will none of them : they are for you.
That tide will stay me longer than I should. [Exit JULIA. I would have had them writ more movingly.
Julia, farewell. - What! gone without a word ? Val. Please you, I'll write your ladyship another. Ay, so true love should do: it cannot speak; Sil. And, when it's writ, for my sake read it over; For truth hath better deeds, than words, to grace it. And, if it please you, so; if not, why, so.
Enter Panthino. Pal . If it please me, madam; what then?
Pant. Sir Proteus, you are stay'd for. Sil. Why, if it please you, take it for your labour : Pro.
Go; I come, I come.And so good-morrow, servant.
[Exit. Alas! this parting strikes poor lovers dumb. [Exeunt. Speed. O jest! unseen, inscrutable, invisible,
SCENE III.-The Same. A Street. As a nose on a man's face, or a weathercock on a steeple.
Enter Launce, leading his Dog. My master sues to her, and she hath taught her suitor, Launce. Nay, 'twill be this hour ere I have done He being her pupil, to become her tutor.
weeping: all the kind of the Launces have this very D excellent device! was there ever heard a better, fault
. I have received my proportion, like the prodiThat my master, being scribe, to himself should write gious son, and am going with sir Proteus to the impethe letter?
rial's court. I think Crab, my dog, be the sourest
natured dog that lives : my mother weeping, my father
Val. So do you. wailing, my sister crying, our maid howling, our cat Thu. What seem I that I am not? wringing her hands, and all our house in a great per- Val. Wise. plexity, yet did not this cruel-hearted cur shed one Thu. What instance of the contrary?
He is a stone, a very pebble-stone, and has no Val. Your folly. more pity in him than a dog; a Jew would have wept Thu. And how quote you my folly? to have seen our parting: why, my grandam having no Val. I quote it in your jerkin. eyes, look you, wept herself blind at my parting. Nay, Thu. My jerkin is a doublet. I'll show you the manner of it. This shoe is my father; Val. Well, then, 'twill double your folly. -no, this left shoe is my father :-no, no, this left shoe Thu. How? is my mother;—nay, that cannot be so, neither :-yes, Sil. What, angry, sir Thurio? do you change colour? it is so, it is so; it hath the worser sole. This shoe, Val. Give him leave, madam: he is a kind of cameleon. with the hole in it, is my mother, and this my father. Thu. That hath more mind to feed on your blood, A vengeance on't! there 'tis : now, sir, this staff is my than live in your air. sister; for, look you, she is as white as a lily, and as Val. You have said, sir. small as a wand: this hat is Nan, our maid , I am the Thu. Ay, sir, and done too, for this time. dog ;-no, the dog is himself, and I am the dog,—0! Val. I know it well, sir: you always end ere you begin. the dog is me, and I am myself: ay, so, so. Now come Sil. A fine volley of words, gentlemen, and quickly I to my father; “Father, your blessing:” now should shot off. not the shoe speak a word for weeping: now should I Val. 'Tis indeed, madam ; we thank the giver. kiss my father; well, he weeps on.
Now come I to Sil. Who is that, servant? my mother, (0, that she could speak now !) like a wild Val. Yourself, sweet lady; for you gave the fire. woman :-well, I kiss her; why there 'tis; here's my Sir Thurio borrows his wit from your ladyship’s looks, mother's breath, up and down. "Now come I to my sis and spends what he borrows kindly in your company, ter; mark the moan she makes: now, the dog all this Thu. Sir, if you spend word for word with me, I while sheds not a tear, nor speaks a word, but see how shall make your wit bankrupt. I lay the dust with my tears.
Val. I know it well, sir: you have an exchequer of Enter PanthinO.
words, and, I think, no other treasure to give your folPant. Launce, away, away, aboard : thy master is lowers; for it appears by their bare liveries, that they shipped, and thou art to post after with oars. What's live by your bare words. the matter? why weep'st thou, man ? Away, ass; you'll Sil. No more, gentlemen, no more.
Here comes lose the tide, if you tarry any longer. Launce. It is no matter if the tied were lost; for it
Enter the Duke. is the unkindest tied that ever any man tied.
Duke. Now, daughter Silvia, you are hard beset. Pant. What's the unkindest tide?
Sir Valentine, your father's in good health : Launce. Why, he that's tied here; Crab, my dog. What say you to a letter from your
friends Pant. Tut, man, I mean thou’lt lose the flood; and, Of much good news? in losing the flood, lose thy voyage; and, in losing thy
My lord, I will be thankful voyage, lose thy master; and, in losing thy master, lose To any happy messenger from thence. thy service; and, in losing thy service, -Why dost thou Duke. Know you Don Antonio, your countryman? stop my mouth?
Val. Ay, my good lord; I know the gentleman Launce. For fear thou should'st lose thy tongue. To be of wealth, and worthy estimation, Pant. Where should I lose my tongue ?
And not without desert so well reputed. Launce. In thy tale.
Duke. Hath he not a son ? Pant. In thy tail?
Val. Ay, my good lord ; a son, that well deserves Launce. Lose the tied, and the voyage, and the mas- The honour and regard of such a father. ter, and the service, and the tide. Why, man, if the Duke. You know him well ? river were dry, I am able to fill it with my tears; if Val. I knew him, as myself; for from our infancy the wind were down, I could drive the boat with my We have convers’d, and spent our hours together: sighs.
And though myself have been an idle truant, Pant. Come; come, away, man: I was sent to call Omitting the sweet benefit of time thee.
To clothe mine age with angel-like perfection, Launce. Sir, call me what thou dar'st.
Yet hath sir Proteus, for that's his name, Pant. Wilt thou go?
Made use and fair advantage of his days: Launce. Well, I will go.
young, but his experience old; SCENE IV.—Milan. A Room in the Duke's Palace. His head unmellow'd, but his judgment ripe;
And, in a word, (for far behind his worth Enter Valentine, Silvia, Tuyrio, and SPEED.
Come all the praises that I now bestow) Sil. Servant.
He is complete in feature, and in mind, Val. Mistress.
With all good grace to grace a gentleman. Speed. Master, sir Thurio frowns on you.
Duke. Beshrew me, sir, but, if he make this good, Val. Ay, boy, it's for love.
He is as worthy for an empress' love, Speed. Not of you.
As meet to be an emperor's counsellor. Val. Of my mistress, then,
Well, sir, this gentleman is come to me Speed. 'Twere good you knock'd him.
With commendation from great potentates; Sil. Servant, you are sad.
And here he means to spend his time a while. Val. Indeed, madam, I seem so.
I think, 'tis no unwelcome news to you. Thu. Seem you that you are not?
Val. Should I have wish'd a thing, it had been he. Val. Haply, I do.
Duke. Welcome him, then, according to his worth. Thu. So do counterfeits.
Silvia, I speak to you; and you, sir Thurio :