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designs shortly to publish a new edition of
Diogenes Laertius, to add this treatise of
mine by way of supplement; I shall now,
to let the world see what may be expected
from me (first begging Mr. Spectator's
leave that the world may see it) briefly
touch upon some of my chief observations,
and then subscribe myself your humble
servant. In the first place I shall give you
two or three of their maxims: the funda-
mental one, upon which their whole system
is built, is this, viz. That time being an
implacable enemy to, and destroyer of all
things, ought to be paid in his own coin,
and be destroyed and murdered without
mercy, by all the ways that can be invent-
ed.' Another favourite saying of theirs is,
That business was only designed for
knaves, and study for blockheads.' A
third seems to be a ludicrous one, but has
a great effect upon their lives; and is this,
"That the devil is at home.' Now for their
manner of living: and here I have a large
field to expatiate in; but I shall reserve
particulars for my intended discourse, and
now only mention one or two of their
principal exercises. The elder proficients
employ themselves in inspecting mores ho-
minum multorum, in getting acquainted
with all the signs and windows in the town.
Some are arrived to so great a knowledge,
that they can tell every time any butcher
kills a calf, every time an old woman's cat
is in the straw; and a thousand other mat-
ters as important. One ancient philosopher
contemplates two or three hours every day
over a sun-dial; and is true to the dial,

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-As the dial to the sun,
Although it be not shone upon."

only the present instant, and do not taste
even that. When one of this order hap-
pens to be a man of fortune, the expense
of his time is transferred to his coach and
horses, and his life is to be measured by
their motion, not his own enjoyments or
sufferings. The chief entertainment one
of these philosophers can possibly propose
to himself, is to get a relish of dress. This,
methinks, might diversify the person he is
weary of (his own dear self) to himself. I
have known these two amusements make
one of these philosophers make a very
tolerable figure in the world; with variety
of dresses in public assemblies in town,
and quick motion of his horses out of it;
now to Bath, now to Tunbridge, then to
Newmarket, and then to London, he has
in process of time brought it to pass, that
his coach and his horses have been men-
tioned in all those places. When the loun-
gers leave an academic life, and instead of
this more elegant way of appearing in the
polite world, retire to the seats of their an-
cestors, they usually join a pack of dogs,
and employ their days in defending their
poultry from foxes; I do not know any
other method that any of this order have
ever taken to make a noise in the world;
but I shall enquire into such about this
town as have arrived at the dignity of being
loungers by the force of natural parts,
without having ever seen a university; and
send my correspondent for the embellish-
ment of his book, the names and history
of those who pass their lives without any
incidents at all; and how they shift coffee-
houses and chocolate-houses from hour to
hour, to get over the insupportable labour
of doing nothing.

Our younger students are content to carry
their speculations as yet no farther than
bowling-greens, billiard-tables, and such
like places. This may serve for a sketch No. 55.] Thursday, May 3, 1711.

of my design; in which I hope I shall have
your encouragement. I am, Sir, yours.'

-Intus et in jecore ægro
Nascuntur Domini-

Pers. Sat. v. 120. Our passions play the tyrant in our breasts. I must be so just as to observe I have formerly seen of this sect at our other univer- ways of living among mankind, take their MOST of the trades, professions, and sity; though not distinguished by the ap-original either from the love of pleasure or pellation which the learned historian, my the fear of want. The former, when it correspondent, reports they bear at Cam- becomes too violent, degenerates into luxubridge. They were ever looked upon as a ry, and the latter into avarice. As these people that impaired themselves more by two principles of action draw different their strict application to the rules of their order, than any other students whatever. ways, Persius has given us a very humourOthers seldom hurt themselves any further roused out of his bed in order to be sent ous account of a young fellow who was than to gain weak eyes, and sometimes headaches; but these philosophers are wards overpersuaded and kept at home upon a long voyage, by Avarice, and afterseized all over with a general inability, in- by Luxury. I shall set down the pleadings dolence, and weariness, and a certain impa- of these two imaginary persons, as they are tience of the place they are in, with a hea- in the original, with Mr. Dryden's transviness in removing to another. lation of them:

The loungers are satisfied with peing merely part of the number of mankind, without distinguishing themselves from amongst them. They may be said rather to suffer their time to pass than to spend it, without regard to the past, or prospect of the future. All they know of this life is

Mane, piger, stertis: surge, inquit Avaritia; eja
Surge. Negas, instat, surge, inquit. Non queo. Surge.
Et quid agam? Rogitas? saperdas advehe ponto,
Castoreum, stuppas, ebenum, thus, lubrica Coa.
Tolle recens primus piper e sitiente camelo.
Verte aliquid; jura. Sed Jupiter audiet. Ebeu!
Baro, regustatum digito terebrare salinum
Contentus perages, si vivere cum Jove tendis.

Jam pueris pellem succinctus, et cenophorum aptas;
Ocyus ad navem. Nil obstat quin trabe vasta
Egeun rapias, nisi solers Luxuria ante
Seductum moneat; Quo deinde insane ruis? Quo?
Quid tibi vis? Calido sub pectore mascula bilis
Intumuit, quam non extinxerit urna cicuta?
Tun' mare transilias? Tibi torta cannabe fulto
Cœna sit in transtro? Veientanumque rubellum
Exhalet vapida læsum pice sessilis obba?
Quid petis? Ut nummi, quos hic quincunce modesto
Nutrieras, pergant avidos sudare deunces?
Indulge genio carpamus dulcia; nostrum est
Quod vivis; cinis, et manes, et fabula fies.

inde est.

Vive memor lethi; fugit hora. Hoc quod loquor, En quid agis? Duplici in diversum scinderis hamo. Sat. v. 132.

Hunccine, an hunc sequeris ?—'

*Whether alone or in thy harlot's lap,
When thou wouldst take a lazy morning's nap;
Up, up, says Avarice; thou snor'st again,
Stretchest thy limbs, and yawn'st, but all in vain.
The rugged tyrant no denial takes ;

At his command th' unwilling sluggard wakes.
What must I do? he cries; What? says his lord;
Why rise, make ready, and go straight aboard;
With fish, from Euxine seas, thy vessel freight;
Flax, castor, Coan wines, the precious weight
Of pepper, and Sabean incense, take

With thy own hands, from the tir'd camel's back,
And with post-haste thy running markets make;
Be sure to turn the penny; lie and swear;
Tis wholesome sin but Jove, thou say'st will hear.
Swear, fool, or starve, for the dilemma's even;
A tradesman thou! and hope to go to heav'n?

Resolv'd for sea, the slaves thy baggage pack,
Each saddled with his burden on his back:
Nothing retards thy voyage now, but he,
That soft, voluptuous prince, call'd Luxury;
And he may ask this civil question; Friend,
What dost thou make a shipboard? To what end?
Art thou of Bethlem's noble college free?

and prosperity. At such times men naturally endeavour to outshine one another in pomp and splendour, and having no fears to alarm them from abroad, indulge themselves in the enjoyment of all the pleasures they can get into their possession; which naturally produces avarice, and an immoderate pursuit after wealth and riches.

As I was humouring myself in the specu→ lation of those two great principles of action, I could not forbear throwing my thoughts into a little kind of allegory or fable, with which I shall here present my reader.

There were two very powerful tyrants engaged in a perpetual war against each other, the name of the first was Luxury, and of the second Avarice. The aim of each of them was no less than universal monarchy over the hearts of mankind. Luxury had many generals under him, who did him great service, as Pleasure, Mirth, Pomp, and Fashion. Avarice was likewise very strong in his officers, being faithfully served by Hunger, Industry, Care, and Watchfulness: he had likewise a privy-counsellor who was always at his elbow, and whispering something or other in his ear: the name of this privy-counsellor was Poverty. As Avarice con

Stark, staring mad, that thou would'st tempt the sea? ducted himself by the counsels of Poverty,

Cubb'd in a cabin, on a matrass laid,

On a brown George, with lousy swabbers fed;
Dead wine, that stinks of the Borachio, sup
From a fowl jack, or greasy maple cup?

Say would'st thou bear all this, to raise thy store,
From six i' th' hundred to six hundred more?
Indulge, and to thy genius freely give;
For, not to live at ease, is not to live.
Death stalks behind thee, and each flying hour
Does some loose remnant of thy life devour.
Live, while thou liv'st; for death will make us all
A name, a nothing but an old wife's tale.
Speak: wilt thou Avarice or Pleasure choose
To be thy lord? Take one, and one refuse.'

When a government flourishes in conquests, and is secure from foreign attacks, it naturally falls into all the pleasures of luxury; and as these pleasures are very expensive, they put those who are addicted to them upon raising fresh supplies of money, by all the methods of rapaciousness and corruption; so that avarice and luxury very often become one complicated principle of action, in those whose hearts are wholly set upon ease, magnificence, and pleasure. The most elegant and correct of all the Latin historians observes, that in his time, when the most formidable states of the world were subdued by the Romans, the republic sunk into those two vices of a quite different nature, luxury and avarice:* and accordingly describes Catiline as one who coveted the wealth of other men, at the same time that he squandered away his own. This observation on the commonwealth, when it was in its height of power and riches, holds good of all governments that are settled in a state of ease

• Alieni appetens, sui profusus.-Sal.

his antagonist was entirely guided by the dictates and advice of Plenty, who was his first counsellor and minister of state, that concerted all his measures for him, and never departed out of his sight. While these two great rivals were thus contending for empire, their conquests were very various. Luxury got possession of one heart, and Avarice of another. The father of a family would often range himself under the banners of Avarice, and the son under those of Luxury. The wife and the husband would often declare themselves on the two different parties: nay, the same person would very often side with one in his youth, and revolt to the other in his old age. Indeed the wise men of the world stood neuter; but alas! their numbers were not considerable. At length, when these two potentates had wearied themselves with waging war upon one another, they agreed upon an interview, at which neither of their counsellors were to be present. It is said that Luxury began the parley, and after having represented the endless state of war in which they were engaged, told his enemy, with a frankness of heart which is natural to him, that he believed they two should be very good friends were in not for the instigations of Poverty, that pernicious counsellor, who made an ill use of his ear, and filled him with groundless apprehensions and prejudices. To this Avarice re plied, that he looked upon Plenty (the first minister of his antagonist) to be a much more destructive counsellor than Poverty, for that he was perpetually suggesting

pleasures, banishing all the necessary cau- | friend of mine, whom I have formerly mentions against want, and consequently un- tioned, prevailed upon one of the interpredermining those principles on which the ters of the Indian kings, to inquire of them, government of Avarice was founded. At if possible, what tradition they have among last, in order to an accommodation, they them of this matter: which, as well as he agreed upon this preliminary; that each of could learn by many questions which he them should immediately dismiss his privy- asked them at several times, was in subcounsellor. When things were thus far stance as follows:adjusted towards a peace, all other differences were soon accommodated, insomuch that for the future they resolved to live as good friends and confederates, and to share between them whatever conquests were made on either side. For this reason, we now find Luxury and Avarice taking possession of the same heart, and dividing the same person between them. To which I shall only add, that since the discarding of the counsellors above-mentioned, Avarice supplies Luxury in the room of Plenty, as Luxury prompts Avarice in the place of Poverty.

No. 56.] Friday, May 4, 1711.

Felices errore suo.


Lucan, 1. 454.

The visionary, whose name was Marraton, after having travelled for a long space under a hollow mountain, arrived at length on the confines of this world of spirits, but could not enter it by reason of a thick forest made up of bushes, brambles, and pointed thorns, so perplexed and interwoven with one another, that it was impossible to find a passage through it. Whilst he was looking about for some track or pathway that might be worn in any part of it, he saw a huge lion crouched under the side of it, who kept his eye upon him in the same posture as when he watches for his prey. The Indian immediately started back, whilst the lion rose with a spring, and leaped towards him. Being wholly destitute of all other weapons, he stooped down to take up a huge stone in his hand; but to his infinite surprise grasped nothing, and found the supposed stone to be only the apparition of one. If he was disappointed on this side, he was as much pleased on the other, when he found the lion, which had seized on his left shoulder, had no power to hurt him, and was only the ghost of that ravenous creature which it appeared to be. He no sooner got rid of this impotent enemy, but he marched up to the wood, and after having surveyed it for some time, endeavoured to press into one part of it that was a little thinner than the rest; when again, to his great surprise, he found the bushes made no resistance, but that he walked through briars and brambles with the same ease as through the open air; and in short, that the whole wood was nothing else but a wood of shades. He immediately concluded, that this huge thicket of thorns and brakes was designed as a kind of fence or quickset hedge to the ghosts it enclosed; and that probably their soft substances might be torn by these subtle points and prickles, which were too weak to make any impressions in flesh and blood. With this thought he resolved to travel through this intricate wood; when by degrees he felt a gale of perfumes breathing upon him, that grew stronger and sweeter in proportion as he advanced. He had not proceeded much further, when he observed the thorns and briers to end, and gave place to a thousand beautiful green trees covered_with blossoms of the finest scents and colours, There is a tradition among the Ameri- that formed a wilderness of sweets, and cans, that one of their countrymen de- were a kind of lining to those ragged scenes scended in a vision to the great repository which he had before passed through. As of souls, or, as we call it here, to the other he was coming out of this delightful part world; and that upon his return he gave of the wood, and entering upon the plains his friends a distinct account of every thing it enclosed, he saw several horsemen rushhe saw among those regions of the dead. Aing by him, and a little while after he heard

Happy in their mistake. THE Americans believe that all creatures have souls, not only men and women, but brutes, vegetables, nay, even the most inanimate things, as stocks and stones. They believe the same of all the works of art, as of knives, boats, looking-glasses; and that as any of these things perish, their souls go into another world, which is inhabited by the ghosts of men and women. For this reason they always place by the corpse of their dead friend a bow and arrows, that he may make use of the souls of them in the other world, as he did of their wooden bodies in this. How absurd soever such an opinion as this may appear, our European philosophers have maintained several notions altogether as improbable. Some of Plato's followers in particular, when they talk of the world of ideas, entertain us with substances and beings no less extravagant and chimerical. Many Aristotelians have likewise spoken as unintelligibly of their substantial forms. I shall only instance Albertus Magnus, who, in his dissertation upon the load-stone, observing that fire will destroy its magnetic virtues, tells us that he took particular notice of one as it lay glowing amidst a heap of burning coals, and that he perceived a certain blue vapour to arise from it, which he believed might be the substantial form, that is in our West Indian phrase, the soul of the loadstone.

the cry of a pack of dogs. He had not | but his tears, which ran like a river down listened long before he saw the apparition his cheeks as he looked upon her. He had of a milk-white steed, with a young man on not stood in this posture long, before he the back of it, advancing upon full stretch plunged into the stream that lay before him; after the souls of about a hundred beagles, and finding it to be nothing but the phantom that were hunting down the ghost of a hare, of a river, walked on the bottom of it till which ran away before them with an un- he arose on the other side. At his approach speakable swiftness. As the man on the Yaratilda flew into his arms, whilst Marmilk-white steed came by him, he looked raton wished himself disencumbered of that upon him very attentively, and found him body which kept her from his embraces. to be the young prince Nicharagua, who After many questions and endearments on died about half a year before, and by rea- both sides, she conducted him to a bower son of his great virtues, was at that time which she had dressed with all the ornalamented over all the western parts of ments that could be met with in those America. blooming regions. She had made it gay He had no sooner got out of the wood, but beyond imagination, and was every day he was entertained with such a landscape adding something new to it. As Marraton of flowery plains, green meadows, running stood astonished at the unspeakable beauty streams, sunny hills, and shady vales, as of her habitation, and ravished with the frawere not to be represented by his own ex-grancy that came from every part of it, pressions, nor, as he said, by the concep- Yaratilda told him that she was preparing tions of others. This happy region was this bower for his reception, as well knowpeopled with innumerable swarms of spi-ing that his piety to his God, and his faithrits, who applied themselves to exercises ful dealing towards men, would certainly and diversions, according as their fancies led them. Some of them were tossing the figure of a coit; others were pitching the shadow of a bar; others were breaking the apparition of a horse; and multitudes employing themselves upon ingenious handicrafts with the souls of departed utensils, for that is the name which in the Indian language they give their tools when they are burnt or broken. As he travelled The tradition tells us further, that he through this delightful scene, he was very had afterwards a sight of those dismal haoften tempted to pluck the flowers that bitations which are the portion of ill men rose every where about him in the greatest after death; and mentions several molten variety and profusion, having never seen seas of gold, in which were plunged the several of them in his own country: but he souls of barbarous Europeans, who put to quickly found, that though they were ob- the sword so many thousands of poor Injects of his sight, they were not liable to dians for the sake of that precious metal. his touch. He at length came to the side But having already touched upon the chief of a great river, and being a good fisher-points of this tradition, and exceeded the man himself, stood upon the banks of it measure of my paper, I shall not give any some time to look upon an angler that had further account of it. taken a great many shapes of fishes, which lay flouncing up and down by him.

bring him to that happy place, whenever his life should be at an end. She then brought two of her children to him, who died some years before, and resided with her in the same delightful bower; advising him to breed up those others which were still with him in such a manner, that they might hereafter all of them meet together in this happy place.


I should have told my reader, that this No. 57.] Saturday, May 5, 1711. Indian had been formerly married to one of the greatest beauties of his country, by whom he had several children. This couple were so famous for their love and constancy to one another, that the Indians to this day, when they give a married man joy of his wife, wish they may live together like Marraton and Yaratilda. Marraton had not stood long by the fisherman, when he saw the shadow of his beloved Ýaratilda, who had for some time fixed her eyes upon him, before he discovered her. Her arms were stretched out towards him, floods of tears ran down her eyes. Her looks, her hands, her voice called him over to her; and at the same time seemed to tell him that the river was impassable. Who can describe the passion made up of joy, sorrow, love, desire, astonishment, that rose in the Indian upon the sight of his dear Yaratilda' He could express it by nothing

Quem præstare potest mulier galeata pudorem, Quæ fugit a sexu? Juv. Sat. vi. 251. What sense of shame in woman's breast can lie, Inur'd to arms, and her own sex to fly.-Dryden. WHEN the wife of Hector, in Homer's Iliad, discourses with her husband about the battle in which he was going to engage, the hero, desiring her to leave the matter to his care, bids her go to her maids, and mind her spinning: by which the poet intimates that men and women ought to busy themselves in their proper spheres, and on such matters only as are suitable to their respective sex.

I am at this time acquainted with a young gentleman, who has passed a great part of his life in the nursery, and upon occasion can make a caudle or a sack-posset better than any man in England. He is likewise a wonderful critic in cambric and muslins, and

will talk an hour together upon a sweet- | petticoat. Had not this accident broke off meat. He entertains his mother every night the debate, nobody knows where it would with observations that he makes both in have ended. town and court: as what lady shows the nicest fancy in her dress; what man of quality wears the fairest wig; who has the finest linen, who the prettiest snuff-box, with many other the like curious remarks, that may be made in good company.

There is one consideration which I would earnestly recommend to all my female readers, and which, I hope, will have some weight with them. In short, it is this, that there is nothing so bad for the face as party zeal. It gives an ill-natured cast to the eye and a disagreeable sourness to the look; be

On the other hand, I have very frequently the opportunity of seeing a rural Andro-sides that it makes the lines too strong, and mache, who came up to town last winter, and is one of the greatest fox-hunters in the country. She talks of hounds and horses, and makes nothing of leaping over a sixbar gate. If a man tells her a waggish story, she gives him a push with her hand in jest, and calls him an impudent dog; and if her servant neglects his business, threatens to kick him out of the house. I have heard her in her wrath call a substantial tradesman a lousy cur; and remember one day, when she could not think of the name of a person, she described him in a large company of men and ladies by the fellow with the broad shoulders.

flushes them worse than brandy. I have seen a woman's face break out in heats, as she has been talking against a great lord, whom she had never seen in her life; and indeed I never knew a party-woman that kept her beauty for a twelve-month. I would therefore advise all my female readers, as they value their complexions, to let alone all disputes of this nature; though at the same time, I would give free liberty to all superannuated motherly partisans to be as violent as they please, since there will be no danger either of their spoiling their faces, or of their gaining converts.

For my own part I think a man makes an odious and despicable figure that is violent in a party; but a woman is too sincere to mitigate the fury of her principles with temper and discretion, and to act with that caution and reservedness which are requisite in our sex. When this unnatural zeal gets into them, it throws them into ten thousand heats and extravagancies; their generous souls set no bounds to their love, or to their hatred; and whether a whig or a tory, a lap-dog or a gallant, an opera or a puppet-show, be the object of it, the passion, while it reigns, engrosses the whole woman.

If those speeches and actions, which in their own nature are indifferent, appear ridiculous when they proceed from a wrong sex, the faults and imperfections of one sex transplanted into another, appear black and monstrous. As for the men, I shall not in this paper any further concern myself about them; but as I would fain contribute to make womankind, which is the most beautiful part of the creation, entirely amiable, and wear out all those little spots and blemishes that are apt to rise among the charms which nature has poured out upon them, I shall dedicate this paper to their service. The spot which I would here en- I remember when Dr. Titus Oates* was deavour to clear them of, is that party rage in all his glory, I accompanied my friend which of late years is very much crept into Will Honeycomb in a visit to a lady of his their conversation. This is, in its nature, acquaintance. We were no sooner sat a male vice, and made up of many angry down, but upon casting my eyes about the and cruel passions that are altogether re-room, I found in almost every corner of it pugnant to the softness, the modesty, and a print that represented the doctor in all those other endearing qualities which are magnitudes and dimensions. A little after, natural to the fair sex. Women were form- as the lady was discoursing with my friend, ed to temper mankind, and soothe them into and held her snuff-box in her hand, who tenderness and compassion; not to set an should I see in the lid of it but the doctor. edge upon their minds, and blow up in them It was not long after this when she had octhose passions which are too apt to rise of casion for her handkerchief, which, upon their own accord. When I have seen a the first opening, discovered among the pretty mouth uttering calumnies and invec-plaits of it the figure of the doctor. Upon tives, what would I not have given to have this my friend Will, who loves raillery, stopt it? How have I been troubled to see told her, that if he was in Mr. Truelove's some of the finest features in the world grow place (for that was the name of her huspale, and tremble with party rage? Ca- band) he should be made as uneasy by a milla is one of the greatest beauties in the handkerchief as ever Othello was. British nation, and yet values herself more afraid,' said she, 'Mr. Honeycomb, you upon being the virago of one party, than are a tory: tell me truly, are you a friend upon being the toast of both. The dear to the doctor, or not?" Will, instead of creature, about a week ago, encountered making her a reply, smiled in her face (for the fierce and beautiful Penthesilea across indeed she was very pretty) and told her, a tea-table; but in the height of her anger, that one of her patches was dropping off. as her hand chanced to shake with the earnestness of the dispute, she scalded her fingers, and spilt a dish of tea upon her

I am

* The name of Dr. T. Qates is here substituted for

that of Dr. Sacheverell, who is the real person meant.

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