birds or beafts, they may be either let loofe among the woods, or driven across the stage by fome of the country people of Afia. In the last great battle, Pinkethman is to perfonate king Porus upon an elephant, and is to be encountered by Powell, reprefenting Alexander the Great, upon a dromedary, which nevertheless Mr. Powell is defired to call by the name of Bucephalus. Upon the close of this great decifive battle, when the kings are thoroughly reconciled, to fhew the mutual friendship and good correfpondence that reigns between them, they both of them go together to a puppet-show, in which the ingenious Mr. Powell, junior, may have an opportunity of difplaying his whole art of machinery, for the diverfion of the two monarchs. Some at the table urged, the puppet-show was not a fuitable entertainment for Alexander the Great; and that it might he introduced more properly, if we fuppofe the conqueror touched upon that part of India which is faid to be inhabited by the pygmies. But this objection was looked upon as frivolous, and the propofal immediately over-ruled. Our projector further added, that after the reconciliation of thefe two kings they might invite one another to dinner, and either of them entertain his guest with the German artift, Mr. Pinkethman's heathen gods, or any of the like diverfions, which fhall then chance: to be in vogue.

This project was received with very great applaufe by the whole table. Upon which the undertaker told us, that he had not yet communicated to us above half his defign; for that Alexander being a Greek, it was his intention that the whole opera fhould be acted in that language, which was a tongue he was fure would wonder-fully please the ladies, efpecially when it was a little raised and rounded by the Ionic dialect; and could not but be acceptable to the whole audience, becaufe there? are fewer of them who understand Greek than Italian. The only difficulty that remained, was how to get per-formers, unless we could perfuade fome gentlemen of the Universities to learn to fing, in order to qualify themselves for the ftage; but this objection foon vanifhed when the projector informed us that the Greeks were at prefent the only muficians in the Turkish empire,,

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and

and that it would be very eafy for our factory at Smyrna to furnish us every year with a colony of muficians, by the opportunity of the Turkey fleet; befides, fays he, if we want any fingle voice for any lower part in the opera, Lawrence can learn to fpeak Greek, as well as he does Italian, in a fortnight's time.

The projector having thus fettled matters, to the good liking of all that heard him, he left his feat at the table and planted himself before the fire, where I had unluckily taken my stand for the convenience of overhearing what he faid. Whether he had obferved me to be more attentive than ordinary, I cannot tell, but he had not stood by me above a quarter of a minute, but he turned fhort upon me on a fudden, and catching me by a button of my coat, attacked me very abruptly after the following manner. Befides, Sir, I have heard of a very extraordinary genius for mufic that lives in Switzerland, who has fo ftrong a fpring in, his fingers, that he can make the board of an organ found like a drum, and if I could but procure a fubfcription of about ten thousand pound every winter, I would undertake to fetch him over, and oblige him by articles to fet every thing that fhould be fung upon the English ftage. After this he looked full in my face, expecting I would make an anfwer; when by good luck, a gentleman that had entered the coffee-houfe fince the projector applied himself to me, hearing him talk of his Swifs compofitions, cry'd out with a kind of laugh, Is our mufic then to receive farther improvements from Switzerland? This alarmed the projector, who immediately let go my button, and turned about to answer him. I took the opportunity of the diverfion which feemed to be made in favour of me, and laying down my penny upon the bar, retired with fome preciptation.

Friday,

N° 32.

Friday, April 6.

Nil illi larvâ aut tragicis opus effe Cothurnis.

Ho R. Sat. I. v. 64.

He wants no tragic vizor to increase
His natural deformity of face.

TH

HE late difcourfe concerning the ftatutes of the Ugly Club, having been fo well received at Oxford, that, contrary to the ftrict rules of the fociety, they have been fo partial as to take my own teftimonial, and admit me into that felect body; I could not reftrain the vanity of publishing to the world the honour which is done me. It is no finall fatisfaction, that I have given occafion for the prefident's fhewing both his invention and reading to fuch advantage as my correfpondent reports he did: but it is not to be doubted there were many very proper hums and pauses in his harangue, which lofe their ugli nefs in the narration, and which my correfpondent, begging his pardon, has no very good talent at reprefenting. very much approve of the contempt the fociety has of beauty nothing ought to be laudable in a man, in which his will is not concerned; therefore our fociety can follow nature, and where he has thought fit, as it were, to mock herself, we can do fo too, and be merry upon the occafion.

I

• Mr. SPECTATOR,

You

OUR making public the late trouble I gave you, you will find to have been the occafion of this. Who fhould I meet at the coffee-house door t'other night, but my old friend Mr. Prefident? I faw fomewhat had pleafed him; and as soon as he had caft his eye upon me, "Oho, Doctor, rare news from Lon"don, fays he; the SPECTATOR has made honourable "mention of the club (man) and published to the world "his fincere defire to be a member, with a recom❝mendatory

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mendatory description of his phiz: and tho' our con"ftitution has made no particular provifion for short "faces, yet, his being an extraordinary cafe, I believe we fhall find an hole for him to creep in at; for I "affure you he is not against the canon; and if his "fides are as compact as his joles, he need not difguife "himself to make one of us.' "" I prefently called for

the paper, to fee how you looked in print; and after < we had regaled ourselves a while upon the pleasant image of our profelyte, Mr. Prefident told me I should be his ftranger at the next night's club: where we were no fooner come, and pipes brought, but Mr. Prefident began an harangue upon your introduction to my epiftle, fetting forth with no lefs volubility of fpeech than ftrength of reafon, "That a fpeculation "of this nature was what had been long and much "wanted; and that he doubted not but it would be of inestimable value to the public, in reconciling even of bodies and fouls; in compofing and quieting the "minds of men under all corporal redundancies, deficiencies, and irregularities whatfoever; and making every one fit down content in his own carcafe, though "it were not perhaps fo mathematically put together as "he could with." And again, "How that for want of a due confideration of what you firft advance, viz. "that our faces are not of our own choofing, people had been tranfported beyond all good-breeding, and hur"ried themfelves into unaccountable and fatal extravagances: as, how many impartial looking-glaffes had "been cenfured and calumniated, nay, and fometimes fhivered into ten thousand splinters, only for a fair reprefentation of the truth? how many headftrings and garters had been made acccffary, and actually forfeited, only becaufe folks muft needs quarrel with their own fhadows? And who, continues he, but is deeply fenfible, that one great fource of the uneafinefs and mifery "of human life, efpecially amongst those of distinction, "arifes from nothing in the world elfe, but too fevere a

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contemplation of an indefeasible contexture of our ex"ternal parts, or certain natural and invincible difpofitions to be fat or lean? When a little more of Mr. SPECTATOR's philofophy would take off all this; and

"in the mean time let them obferve, that there's not one "of their grievances of this fort, but perhaps, in fome ages of the world, has been highly in vogue; and may "be fo again; nay, in fome country or other, ten to 66 one is fo at this day. My Lady Ample is the most "miserable woman in the world, purely of her own "making; the even grudges herself meat and drink,-for "fear the fhould thrive by them; and is conftantly cry-❝ing out, In a quarter of a year more I fhall be quite out of all manner of fhape! Now the lady's misfor-tune feems to be only this, that he is planted in a wrong foil; for, go but t'other fide of the water, it's a jeft at Harlem to talk of a fhape under eighteen "ftone. These wife traders regulate their beauties as "they do their butter, by the pound; and Miss Cross,. "when the first arrived in the Low-Countries, was not "computed to be fo handsome as Madam Van Brifket by near half a tun. On the other hand, there's fquire "Lath, a proper gentleman of fifteen hundred pounds

66.

per annum, as well as of an unblameable life and con"verfation; yet would not I be the efquire for half his "eftate; for if it was as much more he'd freely part "with it all for a pair of legs to his mind: whereas in "the reign of our first king Edward of glorious memory, modish than a brace of your fine taper nothing more "fupporters; and his majefty, without an inch of calf,. "managed affairs in peace and war as laudably as the “bravest and most politic of his ancestors; and was as "terrible to his neighbours under the royal name of "Long-fhanks, as Cœur de Lion to the Saracens before

him. If we look farther back into history, we shall "find that Alexander the Great wore his head a little

over the left fhoulder; and then not a foul stirred out «'till he had adjusted his neckbone; the whole nobility "addreffed the prince and each other obliquely, and all "matters of importance were concerted and carried on "in the Macedonian court with their polls on one fide. "For about the first century nothing made more noife in "the world than Roman nofes, and then not a word of "them 'till they revived again in eighty-eight. Nor is "it fo very long fince Richard the third fet up half the

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