PHOEBE CARY THE WRITER. 155 CHAPTER IX. PHOEBE CARY. No singer was ever more thoroughly identified with her own songs than Phoebe Cary. With but few exceptions, they distilled the deepest and sweetest music of her soul. They uttered, besides, the cheerful philosophy which life had taught her, and the sunny faith which lifted her out of the dark region of doubt and ear, to rest forever in the loving kindness of her Heavenly Father. There were few things that she ever wrote for which she cared more personally than for her "Woman's Conclusions." The thought and the regret came to her sometimes, as they do to most of us, that in the utmost sense her life was incomplete — unfulfilled. Often and long she pondered on this phase of existence; and her "Woman's Conclusions," copied below, were in reality her final conclusions concerning that problem of human fate which has baffled so many. A WOMAN'S CONCLUSIONS. I said, if I might go back again To the very hour and place of my birth; Might have my life whatever I chose, And live it in any part of the earth; Put perfect sunshine into my sky, Banish the shadow of sorrow and doubt; Have all my happiness multiplied, And all my suffering stricken out; If I could have known, in the years now gone, The best that a woman comes to know ; Could have had whatever will make her blest, Or whatever she thinks will make her so; Have found the highest and purest bliss That the bridal-wreath and ring inclose; And gained the one out of all the world, That my heart as well as my reason chose; And if this had been, and I stood to-night By my children, lying asleep in their beds, And could count in my prayers, for a rosary, The shining row of their golden heads; Yea! I said, if a miracle such as this Could be wrought for me, at my bidding, still I would choose to have my past as it is, And to let my future come as it will! I would not make the path I have trod More pleasant or even, more straight or wide; Nor change my course the breadth of a hair, This way or that way, to either side. My past is mine, and I take it all; Its weakness its folly, if you please; - Nay, even my sins, if you come to that, May have been my helps, not hindrances ! A WOMAN'S CONCLUSIONS.” If I saved my body from the flames Because that once I had burned my hand : Or kept myself from a greater sin By doing a less-you will understand; It was better I suffered a little pain, Better I sinned for a little time, If the smarting warned me back from death, Who knows its strength, by trial, will know He has learned, who has felt its power within! 157 And who knows how a life at the last may show? Why, look at the moon from where we stand! Opaque, uneven, you say; yet it shines, A luminous sphere, complete and grand. So let my past stand, just as it stands, or it had not been, I hold. The guarded castle, the lady in her bower, the tumbling sea, the shipwrecked mariner, were as real to Alice as to herself when she yielded to the luxury of ballad singing. But in Phoebe the imaginative faculty was less prevailing; it rose to flood-tide only at intervals. The dual nature which she inherited from her father and mother were not interfused, as in Alice, but distinct and keenly defined. Through one nature, Phoebe Cary was the most literal of human beings. "I see the lights of the village Gleam through the rain and mist, That my soul cannot resist ; A feeling of sadness and longing That is not akin to pain, And resembles sorrow only As the mist resembles rain." Phoebe preserves all the sadness and tenderness of the original, while she transfers it without effort from the psychological yearning of the'soul, into the region of physical necessity, from heart-longing to stomachlonging, in the travesty : "I see the lights of the baker Gleam through the rain and mist, And a feeling of something comes o'er me, |