The lady was comin' from the saa, and that made her dry, I suppose; and from the time he was a boy, Dick Macnamara had an unquenchable thirst upon him. We reached Athlone in the evening, and stopped at the Red Lion. Dick handed out the lady with the yalla pelisse; and ye would have thought they would have shaken each other's hands off. Well, a maidsarvant took her bandbox-Dick give her the arm-away they flourished together—and I stayed at the inn door to see the luggage safe off the coach. Before long the young master returned. "Shemus," says he, shuttin' the door behind him, "isn't Miss Callaghan a spanker?" "'Pon my soul, she's a cliver girl, with fine action," says I. "Bad luck to ye!" said he, "ye talk of her as ye would of a horse. But, Shemus, I thought as we were all alone, I would try if I could put my comether over her by the way of practice. Och! if she was only an heiress ! When I kissed her at partin' in the hall, she tould me she could follow me over the world.” Well, after we had supped, Master Dick sends for me to come up stairs; and as it was too soon to go to bed, down we sate over a hot tumbler to settle what was to be done when we got to London. Ye see, we knew that in England there were heiresses galore*—but the thing was, how the divil were we to find them? Well, after we had been talkin' half an hour, in comes the waiter. "Is there one Mister Macnamara here?" says he. "That's me," Dick answers. "Mister Callaghan's after askin' for ye," says he. "Parade him," says Dick. So in steps an ould gentleman, clane shaved enough, but about the clothes, he had rather a shuck appearance. He bows, and Dick bows -and down sits the ould gentleman, an' draws over a tumbler. "Ye had a pleasant journey of it, Mister Macnamara," says he, commencin' the conversation. "My daughter says that ye're the best of company. In troth, she spakes large of ye." With that they drinks one another's health-an' from one thing they comes on to another. I had pulled my chair away to the corner, ye see, but Dick winked to me as much as to say, "Shemus, stay where ye are." "An' so ye're goin' to better yourself with a wife?" says the ould fellow. "There's no denyin' it," says Dick. "Well, 'pon my conscience, it's the best thing ivir a young man did, for it keeps him out of harm's way. An' are ye for soon changin' ye'r state?" "Divil a use tellin' lies among friends," says Dick. "The sooner the better." "Feath-an' it has come rather sudden upon Sophy," says Mister Callaghan. "But, God's will be done! Her brother will be home in * Anglice-In plenty. an hour. I wish there was only time to send for her mother to Roscrea.' "What's wanted with her mother?" says Dick. "Nothin' partikler," says Mr. Callaghan, "only the ould lady would like to see her little girl married." "An' when is she to be married?" inquired Dick. 66 Why, as there seems to be a hurry," replies the ould fellow, "it may as well be done out of the face.' "An' if it wouldn't be an impertinent question," says Dick, "arrah! who's to be the happy man?" "An' are ye jokin'?" says ould Callaghan. "Arrah, who should it be, but yourself?" 66 Myself?" says Dick. "Shemus," says he-" the divil an appearance of liker's on the ould man, what does he mane at all?” "Of coorse," says I, " that ye're goin' to marry his daughter. "Exactly," cried ould Callaghan. "If she's not married till she marries me, she'll be single for a month of Sundays," says Dick. Up jumps the ould fellow in a rage-and up jumps Dick Macnamara -and then such fendin' and provin', and such racketting through the room-till out rushed Mister Callaghan, swarin' he would be revenged before he slept. When he slammed to the door, I turns round to Dick, to ask what it was all about? "Arrah, the divil have them that knows," says he; "I just coorted a little bit with the girl as we were alone in the coach, by the way of bringin' my han' in before we got to England." "Be my soul," says I, "ye've made a nate kettle of fish of it!— Arrah, Dick, avourneeine-ar'n't ye in the centre of a hobble-coorting's one thing, and marryin's another-Wouldn't the priest be proud of ye to go back with Miss Callaghan under ye're arm?—and with about as much money as would pay turnpike for a walking stick." Feaks, things looked but quare the more we considered them; so we thought we would order a chaise, push on to Moate, and lave Sophy Callaghan to her own amiable family, as she was too valuable for us. But, as matters turned up, we wer'n't allowed to set off as asy as we intended. Before the chaise could come round, we heard feet upon the stairs, and the door opens, and in comes five as loose lookin' lads as ye would meet in a day's walk. They were all fresh, as if they had been hard at the drinkin',—and they were bent on mischief,-for the second fellow had a twist in the eye, and a pistol-case under his arm. "Mister Macnamara," says the first, "my name's Callaghan. There's no use for any rigmarole, as the light's goin' fast, so I just stepped in to ask you consarnin' your intentions towards my sister Sophy." "The divil an intention have I, good or bad, about ye'r sister Sophy," replied Dick, as stiff as a churchwarden. "Then ye can be at no loss to guess the consequence?" "Feaks, an' I am," says Dick; " as I'm no conjuror." "If ye don't marry her within an hour," says he, "I'll be after sayin' something disagreeable." "I'll not keep ye in suspense half the time," replied Dick. "Then ye'll marry her?" says he. "You were nivir more astray," replied Dick, "since ye were born.' "Then I'll trouble ye for satisfaction," says he. "With all my heart," says Dick. "What time in the mornin'," said the other, "would fit ye'r convanience ?" "We're rather in a hurry," says Dick, pointin' to the post-chay that had come round, and on which the hostler was tyin' the traps, "to-night would be a great accommodation, if it was the same to you." "Ye ca❜n't do better," says one of the others, "than step up to the ball-room. There's good light still, and the room's long enough." Be gogstay! Dick Macnamara closed with the offer like a man. I was sent for the pistols, and the gentlemen called for a bottle of sherry. You see, in case of accident, it would come well before a jury that they drank each other's healths, and fought in perfect friendship, for that would benefit the survivor. They slipped into the ball-room, and every body thought the thing was settled, they were so quiet and civil with each other as they went up stairs. The pistols were charged-" An' now," says Callaghan, "for the last time, I ask ye, will ye have my sister Sophy?" 66 Arrah, don't lose the light in talkin'-ye have my answer already," says Dick Macnamara. Well, they were placed in the corners of the room, and a man with a red nose asked, "if they were ready?" Both said, "Yes!" "Fire!" says he. Slap off went both pistols like the clapping of a hand, and down dropped Mr. Callaghan with a ball clane into his calf.Well, every body ran to lift him, when, suddenly, the cry of murder was raised from the other end of the room, and out dashed a man in a shirt and scarlet night-cap, and a fat woman close at his heels, just as they had tumbled out of bed.. 66 Oh, Holy Moses!" says he. "Save our lives! Murder!" Murder! "What's wrong with ye, honest man?" says I. "Give us time for repentince!" says she, droppin' on her knees. "We're dalers in soft goods, and obliged to tell lies in the way of bisnis." "For shame," says I, "for a dacent young woman to come before company in that way!-Arrah, put the petticoat on ye at least." Troth, it was no wonder the cratures were scared.-Ye see, there was a closet off the ball-room, divided with a wooden partition; and as the house was full, and the travellers tired, they stuck them into it for the night. Divil a one of us, in the hurry, thought of lookin' in ; and when the man 'woke with the noise, and sate up to listen what the matter was, the fellow with the red nose cried "Fire!" and Callaghan's ball pops through the partition, and whips the tassel off the daler's night-cap. Well, for fear of any fresh shindy, I got the luggage tied upon the shay, Dick shook hands with Callaghan, and sent his compliments to his sister Sophy, and away we drove to Moate; and the next evening got safe to Dublin. |