Enter COURTALL, SAVILLE, and three Gentlemen. The last three tipsy. Court. You sha'n't go yet! Another catch, and another bottle. 1 Gent. May I be a bottle, and an empty bottle, if you catch me at that! Why, I am going to the masquerade. Jack, you know who I mean, is to meet me, and we are to have a leap at the new lustres. 2 Gent. And I am going to a pilgrim. (Hiccups.) Am not I in a pretty pickle for a pilgrim? And Tony, here, he is going in the disguise in the disguise of a gentleman. 1 Gent. We are all very disguised, so bid them draw up. Dy'e hear? [Exeunt the three Gentlemen. Sav. Thy skull, Courtall, is a lady's thimble: no, an egg-shell. Court. Nay, then you are gone too: you never aspire to similes, but in your cups. Sav. No, no; I am steady enough, but the fumes of the wine pass directly through thy egg-shell, and leave thy brain as cool as-Eh! I am quite sober; my similes fail me. Court. Then we'll sit down here, and have one sober bottle. Enter DICK. Bring a bottle and glasses. [Exit Dick. Sav. I'll not swallow another drop; no, though the juice should be the true Falernian. Court. By the bright eyes of her you love, you shall drink her health. Re-enter DICK, with bottle and glasses. Sav. Ah! (Sitting down.) Her I loved is gone. (Sighing.) She's married! [Exit Dick. Court. Then bless your stars you are not her husband! I would be husband to no woman in Europe, who was not devilish rich, and devilish ugly. Sav. Wherefore ugly? Court. Because she could not have the conscience to exact those attentions that a pretty wife expects; or if she should, her resentments would be perfectly easy to me, nobody would undertake to revenge her cause. Sav. Thou art a most licentious fellow. Court. I should hate my own wife, that's certain; but I have a warm heart for those of other people; and so here's to the prettiest wife in England, Lady Frances Touchwood. Sav. Lady Frances Touchwood! I rise to drink her. (Drinks.) How the devil came Lady Frances in your head? I never knew you give a woman of chastity before. Court. That's odd; for you have heard me give half the women of fashion in England. But, pray what do you take a woman of chastity to be? Sav. Such a woman as Lady Frances Touchwood, sir? now, Court. Oh! you are grave, sir; I remember you was an adorer of her's. Why didn't you marry her? Sav. I had not the arrogance to look so high. Had my fortune been worthy of her, she should not have been ignorant of my admiration. Court. Precious fellow! What! I suppose you would not dare tell her now that you admire her? Sav. No, nor you. Court. By the lord, I have told her so. Court. Ha, ha, ha! Is it so? Sav. How did she receive the declaration? Court. Why, in the old way; blushed and frowned, and said she was married. Sav. What amazing things thou art capable of! I could more easily have taken the Pope by the beard, than profaned her ears with such a declaration. Court. I shall meet her at Lady Brilliant's tonight, where I shall repeat it; and I'd lay my life, under a mask, she'll hear it all without a blush or a frown. Sav. (Rising.) "Tis false, sir! She won't. Court. She will! (Rising.) Nay, I'll venture to lay a round sum that I prevail on her to go out with me; only to taste the fresh air, I mean. Sav. Preposterous vanity! from this moment I suspect that half the victories you have boasted are as false and slanderous as your pretended influence with Lady Frances. Court. Pretended! How should such a fellow as you now, who never soared beyond a cherrycheeked daughter of a ploughman in Norfolk, judge of the influence of a man of my figure and habits? I could shew thee a list, in which there are names to shake thy faith in the whole sex; and, to that list I have no doubt of adding the name of Lady Sav. Hold, sir! My ears cannot bear the profanation; you cannot, dare not approach her. For your soul, you dare not mention love to her. Her look would freeze the word, whilst it hovered on thy licentious lips. Court. Whu! whu! Well, we shall see: this evening, by Jupiter! the trial shall be made. If I fail, I fail. Sav. I think thou darest not! But my life, my honour, on her purity. [Exit. Court. Hot-headed fool! But since he has brought it to this point, by gad, I'll try what can be done with her ladyship. (Rings.) She's frostwork, and the prejudices of education yet strong = ergo, passionate professions will only inflame her pride, and put her on her guard. For other arts then! Enter DICK. Dick, do you know any of the servants at Sir George Touchwood's? Dick. Yes, sir, I knows the groom, and one of the housemaids; for the matter o'that, she's my own cousin; and it was my mother that helped her to the place. Court. Do you know Lady Frances's maid? Dick. I can't say as how I know she. Court. Do you know Sir George's valet? Dick. No, sir; but Sally is very thick with Mr. Gibson, Sir George's gentleman. Court. Then go there directly, and employ Sally to discover whether her master goes to Lady Brilliant's this evening; and if he does, the name of the shop that sold his habit. Dick. Yes, sir. Court. Be exact in your intelligence, and come to me at Boodle's. [Exit Dick.] If I cannot otherwise succeed, I'll beguile her as Jove did Alcmena, in the shape of her husband. The possession of so fine a woman, the triumph over Saville, are each a sufficient motive; and united, they shall be resistless. [Exit. SCENE III.-The Street. Enter SAVILLE. Sav. The air has recovered me. What have I been doing? Perhaps my petulance may be the cause of her ruin, whose honour I asserted: his vanity is piqued; and where women are concerned, Courtall can be a villain. Enter DICK, bows, and passes hastily. Sav. Where are you going, Dick? Dick. Going! I am going, sir, where my master sent me. Sav. Well answered! But I have a particular reason for my inquiry, and you must tell me. Dick. Why, then, sir, I am going to call upon a cousin of mine, that lives at Sir George Touchwood's. Sav. Very well. There, (gives him money,) you must make your cousin drink my health. What are you going about? Dick. Why, sir, I believe 'tis no harm, or elseways I am sure I would not blab; I am only going to ax if Sir George goes to the masquerade to-night, and what dress he wears. Sar. Enough. Now, Dick, if you will call at my lodgings in your way back, and acquaint me with your cousin's intelligence, I'll double the trifle I have given you. Dick. Bless your honour; I'll call, never fear. [Exit. Sar. Surely the occasion may justify the means; 'tis doubly my duty to be Lady Frances's protector. Courtall, I. see, is planning an artful scheme: but Saville shall out-plot him. SCENE IV.-Sir George Touchwood's. Enter SIR GEORGE and VILLERS. [Exit. Vil. For shame, Sir George! you have left Lady Frances in tears. How can you afflict her? Sir G. "Tis I that am afflicted; my dream of happiness is over; Lady Frances and I are disunited. Vil. The devil! Why, you have been in town but ten days: she can have made no acquaintance for a Commons' affair yet. Sir G. Pho! 'tis our minds that are disunited she no longer places her whole delight in me; she has yielded herself up to the world." Vil. Yielded herself up to the world! Why did you not bring her to town in a cage? Then she might have taken a peep at the world. But, after all, what has the world done? A twelvemonth since, you was the gayest fellow in it. If anybody asked who dresses best? Sir George Touchwood. Who is the most gallant man? Sir George Touchwood. Who is the most wedded to amusement and dissipation? Sir George Touchwood. And now Sir George is metamorphosed into a sour censor; and talks of fashionable life with as much bitterness as the old crabbed fellow in Rome. Sir G. The moment I became possessed of such a jewel as Lady Frances, every thing wore a different complexion; that society in which I lived, with so much éclat, became the object of my terror; and I think of the manners of polite life as I do of the atmosphere of a pest-house. My wife is already infected; she was set upon this morning by maids, widows, and bachelors, who carried her off in triumph, in spite of my displeasure. Vil. Ay, to be sure; there would have been no triumph in the case, if you had not opposed it: but I have heard the whole story from Mrs. Racket; and I assure you, Lady Frances didn't enjoy the morning at all; she wished for you fifty times. Sir G. Indeed! Are you sure of that? Sir G. I wish I had known it: my uneasiness at dinner was occasioned by very different ideas. Vil. Here then she comes to receive your apology; but if she is true woman, her displeasure will rise in proportion to your contrition; and till you grow careless about her pardon, she won't grant it: however, I'll leave you. Matrimonial dnetts are seldom set in the style I like. [Exit. eyes, I cannot bear (Embracing her.) Look obeerfully, you rogue. Lady F. I cannot look otherwise, if you are pleased with me. Sir G. Well, Fanny, to-day you made your entrée in the fashionable world; tell me honestly the impressions you received. Lady F. Indeed, Sir George, I was so hurried from place to place, that I had not time to find out what my impressions were. Sir G. That's the very spirit of the life you have chosen. Lady F. Every body about me seemed happy; but every body seemed in a hurry to be happy somewhere else. Sir G. And you like this? Lady F. One must like what the rest of the world likes. Sir G. Pernicious maxim! Lady F. But, my dear Sir George, you have not promised to go with me to the masquerade. Sir G. "Twould be a shocking indecorum to be seen together, you know. Lady F. Oh, no; I asked Mrs. Racket, and she told me we might be seen together at the masquerade, without being laughed at. Sir G. Really! Lady F. Indeed, to tell you the truth, I could wish it was the fashion for married people to be inseparable: for I have more heart felt satisfaction in fifteen minutes with you at my side, than fifteen days of amusement could give me without you. Sir G. My sweet creature! How that confession charms me! Let us begin the fashion. Lady F. O, impossible! we should not gain a single proselyte; and you can't conceive what spiteful things would be said of us. At Kensington, to-day, a lady met us, whom we saw at court, when we were presented; she lifted up her hands in amazement!"Bless me!" said she to her companion, "here's Lady Frances without Sir Hurlo Thrumbo! My dear Mrs. Racket, consider what an important charge you have! For heaven's sake, take her home again, or some enchanter on a flying dragon will descend and carry her off!"—"Oh!" said another, "I dare say Lady Frances has a clue at her heel, like the peerless Rosamond: her tender swain would never have trusted her so far without such a precaution." Sir G. Heaven and earth! How shall innocence preserve its lustre amidst manners so corrupt? My dear Fanny, I feel a sentiment for thee at this moment, tenderer than love-more animated than passion. I could weep over that purity, exposed to the sullying breath of fashion, and the ton, in whose latitudinary vortex chastity herself can scarcely move unspotted. Enter GIBSON. Gib. Your honour talked, I thought, something about going to the masquerade? Sir G. Well. Gib. Isn't it hasn't your honour-I thought your honour had forgot to order a dress. Lady F. Well considered, Gibson. Come, will you be Jew, Turk, or heretic; Chinese emperor, or a ballad-singer: a rake, or a watchman? Sir G. Oh! neither, my love; I can't take the trouble to support a character. Lady F. You'll wear a domino, then I saw a pink domino trimmed with blue, at the shop where bought my habit. Would you like it? Sir G. Anything, anything. Lady F. Then go about it directly, Gibson. A pink domino trimmed with blue, and a hat of the same! Come, you have not seen my dress yet; it Sir G. The sweet sorrow that glitters in these is most beautiful; I long to have it on. [Exeunt. Enter LADY FRANCES. ACT IV. A Party dancing cotillions in front; a variety of Mount. Who'll buy my nostrums? Who'll buy my nostrums? Mask. What are they? (They all come round him.) to entertain the company with their accidental sallies. Let me look at your common-place book, friend. I want a few good things. Har. I'd oblige you, with all my heart; but you'll spoil them in repeating; or, if you should not, lieve they are your own. they'll gain you no reputation, for nobody will be Sir G. He knows you, Flutter! the little gentleman fancies himself a wit, I see. Har. There's no depending on what you see; the eyes of the jealous are not to be trusted! Look to your lady. Mount. Different sorts, and for different customers. Here's a liquor for ladies; it expels the rage for gaming and gallantry. Here's a pill for members of parliament; good to settle consciences. Here's an eye-water for jealous husbands; it thickens the visual membrane, through which they see too clearly. Here's a decoction for the clergy; it never sits easy, if the patient has more than one living. Here's a draught for lawyers; a great pro-liant assemblage of objects? moter of modesty. Here's a powder for projectors; 'twill rectify the fumes of an empty stomach, and dissipate their airy castles. Flut. He knows you, Sir George. Sir G. What! am I the town-talk? (Aside.) must find them out, (Aside.) Har. I can neither see Doricourt nor Letty. I [Exit. Mrs. R. Well, Lady Frances, is not all this charming? Could you have conceived such a bril Mask. Have you a nostrum that can give patience to young heirs, whose uncles and fathers are stout and healthy? Mount. Yes; and I have an infusion for creditors; it gives resignation and humility, when fine gentlemen break their promises, or plead their privilege. Mask. Come along: I'll find you customers for your whole cargo, (They retire.) Enter HARDY, in the dress of Isaac Mendoza. Har. Why, isn't it a shame to see so many stout, well-built young fellows, masquerading, and cuntting courantas here at home, instead of making the French cut capers to the tune of your cannon; or sweating the Spaniards with an English fandango? I foresee the end of all this. Mask. Why, thou little testy Israelite? back to Duke's Place, and preach your tribe into a subscription for the good of the land, on whose milk and honey ye fatten. Where are your Joshuas and your Gideons, eh? What! all dwindled into stockbrokers, pedlars, and rag-men? Har. No, not all. Some of us turn Christians; and, by degrees, grow into all the privileges of Englishmen. In the second generation, we are patriots, rebels, courtiers, and husbands. (Puts his fingers to his forehead. Another Mask advances.) 2 Mask. What, my little Isaac! How the devil came you here? Where's your old Margaret? Har. Oh! I have got rid of her. 2 Mask. How? Har. Why, I persuaded a young Irishman that she was a blooming plump beauty of eighteen; so they made an elopement. Ha, ha, ha! and she is now the toast of Tipperary. Ha! there's cousin Racket and her party; they sha'n't know me. (Aside. Puts on his Mask.) Enter FOLLY, on a hobby-horse, with cap and bells. Mask. Eh! Tom fool! what business have you here? Folly. What, sir! affront a prince in his own dominion! (Struts off.) Ente. MRS. RACKET, LADY FRANCES, SIR Mrs. R. Look at this dumpling Jew: he must be a Levite by his figure. You have surely practised the flesh-hook a long time, friend, to have raised that goodly presence. Har. About as long, my brisk widow, as you have been angling for a second husband; but my hook has been better baited than your's. You have only caught gudgeons, I see. (Pointing to Flutter.) Flut. Oh! this is one of the geniuses they hire Lady F. Delightful. The days of enchantment are restored; the columns glow with sapphires and meet me at every step. rubies; emperors and fairies, beauties and dwarfs, Sir G. How lively are first impressions on sensible minds! In four hours, vapidity and languor will take place of that exquisite sense of joy which flutters your little heart. Mrs. R. What an inhuman creature! Fate has not allowed us these sensations above ten times in our lives, and would you have us shorten them by anticipation? (Sir G. and Mrs. R. talk apart.) Flut. O lord! your wise men are the greatest fools upon earth; they reason about their enjoyments, and analyse their pleasures, whilst the essence escapes. Look, Lady Frances: d'ye see that figure strutting in the dress of an emperor? His father retails oranges in Botolph-Lane. That gipsy is a maid of honour, and that rag-man a physician. Lady F. Why, you know every body! Flut. Oh! every creature. A mask is nothing at all to me. I can give you the history of half the people here. In the next apartment, there is a whole family, who, to my knowledge, have lived on water-cresses this month, to make a figure here to-night; but, to make up for that, they'll cram their pockets with cold ducks and chickens for a carnival to-morrow. Lady F. Oh! I should like to see this provident family. Flut. Honour me with your arm. [Exeunt Flut. and Lady F. Mrs. R. (Advances.) Come, Sir George, you shall be my beau. We'll make the tour of the rooms, and meet them. Oh! your pardon; you must follow Lady Frances; or the wit and fine parts of Mr. Flutter may drive you out of her head. Ha, ha, ha! [Exit. Sir G. I was going to follow her, and now de not. How cah I be such a fool as to be governed by the fear of that ridicule which I despise? [Exit. Enter DORICOURT, meeting a Mask. Doric. Ha! my lord; I thought you had been engaged at Westminster on this important night. Mask. So I am; I slipt out as soon as Lord Trope got upon his legs. I can badiner here an hour or two, and be back again before he is down. There's a fine figure! I'll address her. Enter LETITIA. Charity, fair lady! Charity for a poor pilgrim. Mask. That blessing would do from a devotee: from you ask other charities; such charities as beauty should bestow-soft looks, sweet words, and kind wishes. Let. Alas! I am bankrupt of these, and forced to turn beggar myself. There he is! how shall I catch his attention? (Aside.) Mask. Will you grant me no favour? Let. Yes, one; I'll make you my partner-not for life, but through the soft mazes of a minuet. Dare you dance? Doric. Some spirit in that. Mask. I dare do anything you command. That, lady, is against my vow; but here comes a man of the world. Doric. Do you know her, my lord? Mask. No; such a woman as that would formerly have been known in any disguise; but beauty is now common: Venus seems to have given her cestus to the whole sex. A Minuet. Doric. (During the minuet.) She dances divinely. (When ended.) Somebody must know her! Let us inquire who she is. (Retires.) Enter SAVILLE and KITTY WILLIS, habited like Lady Frances. Sav. I have seen Courtall in Sir George's habit, though he endeavoured to keep himself concealed. Go, and seat yourself in the tea-room; and, on no account, discover your face; remember too, Kitty, that the woman you are to personate is a woman of virtue. Kitty. I am afraid 1 shall find that a difficult character; indeed I believe it is seldom kept up through a whole masquerade. Sav. Of that you can be no judge. Follow my directions, and you shall be rewarded. [Exit Kitty. Sav. What! Doric. An idiot. What the devil shall I do with her? Egad! I think I'll feign myself mad; and then Hardy will propose to cancel the engagements. Sav. An excellent expedient. I must leave you; you are mysterious, and I can't stay to unravel ye. I came here to watch over innocence and beauty. Doric. The guardian of innocence and beauty at three-and-twenty! Is there not a cloven foot under that black gown, Saville? Sav. No, 'faith; Courtall is here on a most detestable design. I found means to get a knowledge of the lady's dress, and have brought a girl to personate her, whose reputation cannot be hurt. You shall know the result to-morrow. Adieu. [Exit. Doric. (Musing.) Yes, I think that will do. I'll feign myself mad, fee the doctor to pronounce me incurable, and when the parchments are destroyed (Stands in a musing posture.) Enter LETITIA. Let. You have chosen an odd situation for study. Fashion and taste preside in this spot: they throw their spells around you: ten thousand delights spring up at their command; and you, a stoic,-a being without senses,-are wrapt in reflection. Doric. And you, the most charming being in the world, awaken me to admiration. Did you come from the stars? Let. Yes, and I shall re-ascend in a moment. Doric. Pray shew me your face before you go. Let. Beware of imprudent curiosity; it lost Paradise. Doric. Eve's curiosity was raised by the devil; 'tis an angel tempts mine. So your allusion is not in point. Let. But why would you see my face? Let. And what then? Doric. What! you will have a little gentle force? (Attempts to seize her mask.) [Exit. Let. I am gone for ever! Music. Re-enter FLUTTER, LADY FRANCES Lady F. How can you be thus interested for a stranger? Sav. Goodness will have interest: its home is heaven; on earth 'tis but a wanderer. Where is your husband? Flut. Why, what's that to him? Lady F. Surely it can't be merely his habit; there's something in him that awes me. Flut. Pho! 'tis only his grey beard. I know him; he keeps a lottery-office on Cornhill. Sav. My province as an enchanter lays open every secret to me, lady! There are dangers abroad: beware! [Exit. Lady F. 'Tis very odd; his manner has made me tremble. Let us seek Sir George. Flut. He is coming towards us. Enter COURTALL, habited like Sir George from that fool, Flutter, crown me, ye schemers, Court. There she is! If I can but disengage her with immortal wreaths! Lady F. O, my dear Sir George! I rejoice to with his prophecies. Where's Mrs. Rackett? meet you. An old conjurer has been frightening me Court. In the dancing-room. I promised to send you to her, Mr. Flutter. Flut. Ah! she wants me to dance. With all my heart. [Exit. Lady F. Why do you keep on your mask?-'tis too warm. Court. 'Tis very warm. I want air; let us go. Lady P. You seem agitated. Sha'n't we bid our company adieu? Court. No, no; there's no time for forms. I'll Just give directions to the carriage, and be with you in a moment. (Going, steps back.) Put on your mask! I have a particular reason for it. [Exit. Re-enter SAVILLE, with KITTY. Sav. Now, Kitty, you know your lesson. Lady Frances, (takes off his mask) let me lead you to your husband. Lady F. Heavens! Is Mr. Saville the conjurer? Sir George is just stepped to the door to give directions. We are going home immediately. Sav. No, madam, you are deceived: Sir George is this way. Lady F. This is astonishing! Sav. Be not alarmed: you have escaped a snare, and shall be in safety in a moment. [Exeunt Saville and Lady Frances. Re-enter COURTALL, who seizes Kitty's hand. Kitty. 'Tis pity to go so soon. Music. Let. Heaven forbid my name should be lasting till I am married! Doric. Married! the chains of matrimony are too heavy and vulgar for such a spirit as your's. The flowery wreaths of Cupid are the only bands you should wear. Let. They are the lightest, I believe; but 'tis possible to wear those of marriage gracefully. Throw them loosely round, and twist them in a true-lover's knot for the bosom. Doric. An angel! But what will you be when a wife? Let. A woman. If my husband should prove a churl, a fool, or a tyrant, I'd break his heart, ruin his fortune, elope with the first pretty fellow that asked me; and return the contempt of the world with scorn, whilst my feelings preyed upon my life. Doric. Amazing! (Aside.) What if you loved him, and he were worthy of your love? Let. Why, then, I'd be anything-and all! grave, gay, capricious; the soul of whim, the spirit of variety; live with him in the eye of fashion, or in the shade of retirement; ohange my country, my sex; feast with him in an Esquimaux hut, or a Persian pavilion; join him in the victorious war-dance on the borders of Lake Ontario, or sleep to the soft breathings of the flute in the cinnamon groves of Ceylon; dig with him in the mines of Golconda, or enter the dangerous precincts of the Mogul's seraglio; cheat him of his wishes, and overturn his empire, to restore the husband of my heart to the blessings of liberty and love. Doric. Delightful wildness! Oh! to catch thee, and hold thee for ever in this little cage! (Attempting to clasp her.) Let. Hold, sir! Though Cupid must give the bait that tempts me to the snare, 'tis Hymen must spread the net to catch me. Doric. "Tis in vain to assume airs of coldness; fate has ordained you mine. Let. How do you know? Doric: I feel it here. I never met with a woman so perfectly to my taste; and I won't believe it formed you so, on purpose to tantalise me. Let. This moment is worth a whole existence ! (Aside.) Doric. Come, shew me your face, and rivet my chains. Let. To-morrow you shall be satisfied. Doric. Where, then, shall I wait on you to-morrow? Where see you? Let. You shall see me at an hour when you least expect me. Doric. Why all this mystery? Let. I like to be mysterious. At present be content to know, that I am a woman of family and fortune. Doric. Let me see you to your carriage. Let. As you value knowing me, stir not a step. If I am followed, you never see me more. Adieu. [Exit. Enter HARDY. Har. Adieu! then I'm come in at the fag end! (A side.) Doric. Barbarous creature! she's gone! What, and is this really serious? Am I in love? Pho! it can't be. Enter FLUTTER. O, Flutter! do you know that charming creature? Flut. What charming creature? I passed a thousand. Doric. She went out at that door, as you entered. Flut. Oh! yes; I know her very well. Doric. Do you, my dear fellow? who? Flut. She's kept by Lord George Jennet. Har. Impudent scoundrel! I foresee I shall cut his throat! (Aside.) Doric. Kept! Flut. Yes; Colonel Gorget had her first; then and at last, she's Lord George's. (Talks to other Mr. Loveill; then, I forget exactly how many; Masks.) Doric. I'll murder Gorget, poison Lord George, and shoot myself. Har. Now's the time, see, to clear up the whole. Mr. Doricourt! I say, Flutter was mistaken; I know who you are in love with. Doric. A strange rencontre! Who? Doric. Oh! I understand your rebuke; 'tis too soon, sir, to assume the father-in-law. Har. Zounds! what do you mean by that? I tell you that the lady you admire is Letitia Hardy. Doric. I am glad you are so well satisfied with the state of my heart. I wish I was! [Exit. Har. Stop a moment. Stop, I say! What, you this, may I never be a grandfather! I'll plot with won't? very well; if I don't play you a trick for Letty now, and not against her; ay, hang me if I don't! There's something in my head, that shall tingle in his heart. He shall have a lecture upon impatience, that I foresee he'll be the better for as long as he lives. Re-enter SAVILLE, with Gentlemen. Sav. Flutter, come with us; a laugh at Courtall's. Fut. With all my heart. we're going to raise "Live to live," was |