cute it. Then, heaven grant me one more interview with her, and take me afterwards to thy direction! [Exit. Rent. The moment is strangely critical to you all. Come in, young ladies. I have a story for you will surprise and encourage you. Sophia. We are guided by you: but what can we hope from our silly tears, opposed to the malice of my father's enemies? Rent. Everything. You know not half the interest you possess in the judge. [Exeunt Rent. and Sophia. Ann. Indeed! My sister takes this too much to heart. Love is nothing without crosses; and if there was not a parting now and then, one would never know the pleasure of a meeting. If an army of Amazons e'er came in play, As a dashing white sergeant I'd marsh away. When my lover was gone, Do you think I'd take on, Sit moping, forlorn? No, no, not I: His fame my concern, How my bosom would burn Crown'd with victory. If an army, &c. SCENE IV. Corp. D. Ah! an old hand, as I suspected. Meet me at the castle, where we shall convict him; you shall have the reward. Peggy. Oh! to be sure; money does everything: but have some pity on the young man; don't be too severe with him. Corp. D. No, no; handcuffs, the black-hole, and bread and water till he's examined, that's all; a court-martial afterwards, and then the halberds. Peggy. The first part will be a just retaliation for his roguery, the latter the interview with his father will prevent. (Aside.) Don't treat him hardly, poor fellow! Ha, ha, ha! (Archly.) [Exit. Enter CONTRAST, yawning; CORPORAL DRILL goes behind him, and taps him on the shoulder. Corp. D. Well overtaken, brother soldier! Con. Friend, I conclude you are of this neighbourhood, by the happy familiarity that distinguishes it; but at present it is misapplied. You mistake me for some other. Corp. D. Mistake you! No, no, your legs would discover you among a thousand. I never saw a fellow better set upon his pins. Con. Not so much out there. (Looking at his legs.) Corp. D. But where have you been loitering so long? Is your knapsack packed? Con. Sure, there is some mistake, or some strange quality in this air; the people are not only impudent but mad. Corp. D. I shall bring you to your senses though. Why did you pull your cockade out of your hat, you dog? Con. Dog! You're an impudent puppy, by all that's canine! Cockade! what do you mean, fellow? Corp. D. Don't fellow me; ar'n't you enlisted? [Exit. have you not touched twenty guineas for the legs you are so proud of? pretty dearly bought! Enter PEGGY, with an empty harvest-keg. Peggy. Ha, ha, ha! the rogue has drunk it every drop. Poppy-water and cherry-brandy together, work delightfully. He'll sleep some hours in a charming ditch to which I had him conveyed. Pleasant dreams to you, Mr. La Nippe: what would I give, if I could requite your master as well. Enter CORPORAL DRILL. Corp. D. My life on't, the dog's off. The moment Sergeant Sash told me of his palaver, I suspected he was an old hand, with his voluntary service, his honour, and his half-hour. (Sees Peggy.) Mistress, did you see a young fellow, with a scarlet cockade in his hat, pass this way? Peggy. Not I, indeed, friend; I was otherwise employed. Corp. D. Nay, don't be cross. We are looking for a deserter; if you can give me intelligence, you shall have the reward for apprehending him. Peggy. Here's another bribe; one may have 'em, I see, for betraying either sex. (Looking out.) Hey! who's this coming? the hero of the plot, young Contrast: (ruminates) it would be special vengeance; a bold stroke, it's true; but public justice to all womankind. Hang fear! I'll do't. (Aside.) Mr. What-d'ye-call-am, did you ever see the man you are in search of? Corp. D. No, but I think I should know him. Peggy. That's your mark, I fancy. (Pointing.) Corp. D. It must be so; but I don't see his cockade. Peggy. O, it's not possible he should have pulled it out and thrown it away into the ditch, as he came over yon stile. Con. Now it's plain how well you know me; thy own gunpowder scorch me, if I'd lie two nights in a tent to be generalissimo of the united potentates of Europe. Corp. D. The dog's insolence outdoes the common-But come, march. (Pushes him.) Con. March! (Resisting.) Corp. D. Yes, and the rogue's march too. (Contrast resists more.) Mutinous, eh! (Whistles.) Enter six Soldiers, one with a knapsack. 1 Sold. Here we are, Corporal; what are your orders? Corp. D. Lay hold of that fellow; he's a deserter, a thief, and the sauciest dog in the army; have you no handcuffs? Enter MOLL FLAGGON. Moll F. No occasion for 'em, Corporal: don't be too hard upon the young man; brandy be my poison, but I like the looks of him. Here, my heart, take a whiff. (Offers a pipe.) What! not burn priming? Come, load, then. (Gives him a glass of brandy.) Con. It's plain; a set of murderers! no help, no relief! Moll F. Relief, sirrah! you're not a sentry yet. Corporal, give me care of him. Moll Flaggon never failed when she answered for her man. Corp. D. With all my heart, honest Moll, and see what you can make of him; he's an odd fish. Moll F. An odd fish! I suppose, a little of the crab; but I'll make a true lobster of him before I've done. I'll make a soldier and a husband of him. Here, first of all, let's see. What a devil of a hat he's got! here, Jack, change with him. (Puts a cap on his head.) How it becomes him, fits him like a glove on the wrong hand. Con. Very little; but you shall have every farthing of it, if you will let me go. you shall, I'll stick Moll. F. Go, you queer dog! ay, that through the world; you and I together. to you through life, my son of sulphur. Con. I'm a man of fashion, I tell you. Moll F. You told me so before, and I am a woman of fashion, and we shall match as well as most fashionable couples do; so march, my dear. Moll Flaggon's commanding officer; eyes right's the word; so, follow your nose, or I'll knock you down. March, I say, march, or hand over the cash. AIR.-(Original.)—MOLL FLAGGON. Post the cole, I must beg, or borrow; Fill the can, You're my man, 'Tis all the same to-morrow. Sing and quaff, A fig for care or sorrow; But never think, AIR. SIR JOHN CONTRAST. An obstinate man had a scold for his wife, They led, you'll suppose, a queer cat and dog life, Mr. P. was a man, to his word who stuck fast, He declar'd, "when he'd said it, he'd said it;" To Richmond by water determin'd to go, He wanted the sail up, but she said “no!” Says the boatman, “you'll into the Thames both fall, And into the river they sure enough roll'd, So, out of hot water, they got into cold, For extremes, then, you'll give 'em some credit, Firm souls! Enter SERGEANT SASH. Well, Mr. Sergeant, I have attested part of the men, according to your beating order, and will finish the rest to-morrow; but I hope that nothing but honourrecruits; for if I find to the contrary, I'll shew no able means have been resorted to in raising your more mercy to a poacher of men, than my son does to the poacher of manor game. Serg. S. Your worship will find that I have acted fair and above board. Enter CORPORAL DRILL, who whispers Sash. But the Corporal has just apprehended a deserter; I am sure your worship would be glad to have him convicted; he is the worst of swindlers. Sir J. True: he borrows for shew the most valuable commodities of the nation, courage and fidelity, and so raises money upon property of which he does not possess an atom; so bring him in. I'd rather see one thief of the public punished, than a hundred private ones, Corp. D. Here, Moll, produce your prisoner. Enter MOLL FLAGGON, who courtesies to Sir John. Moll F. With all due veneration and reverence to your worshipful worship, we have comprehended a desarter, an obstinate rogue, who has taken the king's bounty, and, like many others, abused it; and we have brought him to your worship, for the exercise of your worship's high prerogative, in all dignity and discretion. Sir J. Silence, woman! if you deserve the name. Moll F. Woman! no more a woman than your worship! Woman, indeed! (Aside.) Sir J. I'll break your head for the honour of the service, you nondescript beldam. (Shakes his case at her.) Moll F. Nondescript! I'm no nondescript, nor any such a thing, your worship; I am a poor hardworking creature, with nothing but my reputation to depend on; and, as that's a delicate point to touch on, I hope your magnanimous worship won't injure it by any ungenteel observations. Sir J. Begone, thou cargo of contraband commodities! thou retailer of run goods! thou-anything but woman. Moll F. Anything but woman! he doubts my sex! (Aside.) I'll begone, your worship; but allow me to say, with all difference to your opinion, (affects to cry,) that I hope I'm no disgrace to my sect; that I sell nothing but the true ueat as im ported ; pay the duty honourably; and, though times are hard, to get an honest bit of bread, I never do more than double it on my customers. So, I hope your worship will bury all animosity, and in token of good-will, honour me with a chaste salute. Sir J. A what! If you don't get out of my sight, I'll salute your head with this cane. (In a rage.) Moll F. Don't put yourself in a passion, your worship; I'll withdraw; a poor, fone, brokenbearted, injured woman! (Retires, sobbing audibly.) Sir J. How dare you, rascal, lay hands on the son of a baronet? (To Corporal Drill.) Corp. D. A perfect innocent mistake, as I hope to be pardoned, your worship. But here comes the baggage that put him into my hands. Enter PEGGY. Peggy. Only a little retaliation, your worship. A wolf was in full chase of an innocent lamb, that, to be sure, I had foolishly helped to expose to its paws; a trap offered to my hand, and I must own I did set it, and the wolf was caught, as you see. Con. Plague on you all! mystery thickens, instead of clearing. Serg. S. It's clear, however, my party is out of the scrape, and as for the fellow who was really enlisted Enter TRUMORE and RENTAL. Tru. He is here to fulfil all his engagements. Serg. S. Well said, my lad of truth; my twenty guineas are alive again, since you have not broken your parole. Tru. Here are your twenty guineas; you shall see them employed; I would have mortgaged ten lives rather than have wanted them. (To Sergeant Sash.) Mr. Rashly is charged with informations for killing game to the amount of forty pounds; by assistance of this gentleman I have made up the sum: the law is cruel to him, to me it is kind; it enables me to shew him the heart he perhaps has doubted. (To Sir John. Lays down the money.) He is free; and now, (to Sergeant Sash) sir, I am your man, and will follow wherever the service of my country leads. Rent. Brave, generous fellow! Sir J. Oh, Rental! I'm glad you're come; you find me in a wilderness here. Rent. A moment, sir, and I'm sure you'll not mistake your path. Peggy (Opening the rouleau.) The twist is magical indeed, I think, for I can't undo it. Oh! there it is at last. (Pours money on the table.) Put up your's again, Mr. Trumore; poor fellow! you'll want it in your new life. Con. One of my rouleaus! I have been robbed, I see, as well as kidnapped. Sir J. Hussy! how came you by all that money? Peggy. Perfectly honest: I sold my mistress and myself for it; it is not necessary to deliver the goods, for his honour is provided with a mistress. Sir J. Rental, do you see into this? Rent. Clearly, sir; and it must end with reconciling you to your son. Sir J. How! reconcile me to bribery and debauchery! Never! If the dog could succeed with a girl by his face, or his tongue, or his legs, or any advantage nature had given him, why, there's a sort of fair play that might palliate; but there's an unmanliness in vice without passion. But where is this Rashly and his girls? Enter RASHLY, between his Daughters, they throw themselves at Sir John Contrast's feet. A long pause. This Rashly! this the father of these girls! Do not his features deceive me? who is it I see? (In great surprise,) Rent. The son I meant to reconcile, who offended upon principles the most opposite to those you just now condemned. Con. My elder brother come to light! Sir J. Rise till I'm sure I'm awake; this is the confusion of a delirium. Rent. Why do you not speak, sir? (To Rashly.) Rash. What form of words will become me? To say I repent, would be an injury to the dead and living. I have erred, but I have been happy. One duty I can plead, resignation to your will, sir; so may I thrive in the decision of this anxious moment, Í as never taxed your justice. Sir J. (After a pause.) Rental, do you expect I ever shall retract? Rent. No, sir; for I was a witness to your vows, that you would protect the father of your little clients against all his enemies; right or wrong they should yield. Sir J. Yes; but I never thought how very stubborn an old fellow I should have to deal with. Rent. Come forward, clients. Sophia. I am overcome with dread. Sir J. Come, I'll make short work of it, as usual; so hear all, my decree is made. Rent. Now, justice and parental feeling! Con. Caprice and passion! (Aside.) Sir J. Decision and consistency! I discarded one son for a marriage; I have brought up a second to attempt to debauch his own niece. I'll try what sort of vexation the other sex will produce; so, girls, listen, take possession of this castle, it is your's. Nay, I only keep my word. You remember father was afraid of. This is the house of selfhow I promised to treat the old obstinate your correction, and I give you the key. Sophia and Ann. Gratitude, love, and joy! (Kneeling.) asked my blessing this hour. Sir J. Up, ye little charmers! your looks have Rent. And now for Trumore to complete the happiness. Sir John, permit me your ear apart. (Takes him aside.) Con. The chances are against me, and my last stake's at hazard: the run of the last twelve hours exceeds all calculation, strike me pennyless! Where is that dog, La Nippe? Enter LA NIPPE, covered with mud. La N. Here he is in a pleasant plight! essence of cabbage-water, and otto of assafœdita, 's a fool to it! Psha! Con. From whence, in the name of filth, com'st thou? La N. From the bottom of a black ditch. How I got there, I know no more than the man in the moon. I waked and found myself half smothered with dirt, lying like king log in the fable, with a congress of frogs on my back. Peggy. Very good companions for a toad, eh! I hope, my dear, you are satisfied with your bargain; I did my best to settle your business completely. La N. Oh! thou witch of Endor! [They retire, acting in dumb shew. Sir J. Another plot upon me, Rental! But does the young fellow himself say nothing for his pre tensions? Sir J. I confirm the decree. I am now convinced mutual affection makes the only true equality in marriage. What say you, man of fashion? Rash. Dear sir, don't treat my brother's foibles too severely; his zeal to be eminent only wants a right turn. Sir J. Let him find that turn, and he knows I have wherewithal to keep him from the inconvenience of a younger brother, though he loses Castle Manor. Con. I resign it with all its appendages; and with all my faults, my brother shall find I am neither envious nor mercenary. Sir J. And now to turn to my recruit: I promised he should be attested to-night, and so he shall to his bride; and if afterwards his country demands his assistance, get him a commission, Sophy, and pray for a quick end to the war, a prayer in which every good subject in the nation will join you. Rent. Sir, the tenants from the wake, in eagerness of their joy, press to be admitted. [ACT III. Sir J. Then open the doors, and let old English hospitality be the order of the day at Castle Manor. FINALE. (Original.)—RASHLY, Annette, Rash. Partners of my toils and pleasures, Ann. Chor. Tru. With choruses gay, &c. Gallants, learn from Trumore's story, Truth and honour, love and glory, And to fortune leave the rest. Chor. With choruses gay, &c. [Exeunt. A FARCE, IN TWO ACTS.-BY J. T. ALLINGHAM. thrown me into difficulties which I cannot surmount without your kind assistance. Snacks. Very pretty, indeed! You are a very modest man, Mr. Frank; you've spent your last shilling in quarrelling with me, and now you want me to help you. Frank. The farm called Hundred Acres is at present untenanted-I wish to rent it. Snacks. You wish to rent it, do you? And pray, sir, where's your money? And what do you know about farming? Frank. I have studied agriculture; and, with care, have no doubt of being able to pay my rent regularly. Snacks. But I have a great doubt about it. No, no, sir; do you think I'm so unmindful of his lordship's interest as to let his land to a poor novice like you? It won't do, Mr. Frank; I can't think of it. Good day, friend; good day. (Shewing him the door.) Frank. My necessities, sir Snacks. I have nothing to do with your necessities, sir; I have other business. Good day. There's the door. Frank. Unfeeling wretch! Snacks. What! Frank. But what could I expect? Think not, |