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Advices to General Officers. kins, after having ordered out (in a booth erected for the purpose) the electrical apparatus, proceeded to demonftrate his important theory.

His first step was to discover the nature of the cloud's electricity; and he found it to be highly pofitive. Two dozen pair of fhoes, with foals of baked wood, of a proper thicknefs, were presently put on by fome of those who were eager of the

though the disappointment has most ter-
ribly galled him, has sense enough to take
the hint, and propagate the latter opi-
nion; though even that has not a little
injured his long established character,
with respect to gravity.

Advices to General Officers, commanding in
Chief, in Imitation of Swift's Advices to
Servants.

Commander in chief is to the army

bonour of being concerned in this great Ander his command, what the foul is

r bufinefs; not a fourth part of whom, for want of a fufficient quantity of electrical fhodding, could be admitted to share in the honour of the experiment.They were scarcely prepared, but the rain began to defcend; and in a fhort time it even threatened a deluge. The happy twenty four mounted on their magic fandals, were ftrongly electrified plus; and proper directions being given them not to touch any non-electric fubftance, they were turned adrift into the dreadful ftorm. The expectation of Wilkins was immenfe! But, alas! the imperfection of human inventions! The infulated heroes no fooner trod on the ground, than (the wet, forming a connection between their bodies and the earth) their electricity was fuddenly discharged. And as they had been strongly electrified indeed, in order to make the experiment furer, the fhock which they felt in confequence thereof was terrible! They fprung aloft, with a loud fcream into the air; many of them reft of fenfe, and lofing their self-balance, fell forward on their faces, lying like breathless corpfe' on mother earth, which was ftained red with the fluid iffuing from their bloody nofes. They who retained their fenfes, fmarting from the violence of the fhock, wet through, and conclud. ing from the loud laughter, and cutting jefts of Wilkins's foes, that they had been decoyed into that fituation, only to be made fools of, flew upon poor Wilkins in their rage, and would probably have demolished him, had he not happily been refcued by the better part of the company, and conveyed away in safety. On his electrical apparatus, however, they had no mercy, but confidering it as infernal, inftantly broke it piece-meal, "burning the diabolical fragments." The poor fellows are the standing jets of the town to this hour, and will be fo, I imagine, during their lives. Whenever it rains, they are dryly asked, Why don't you put on your electrical fhoes?-Thofe people who are more knowing, see this affair, in course, to Wilkins's difadvantage. Others look apon it as a piece of philofophical fun, and imagine that he had defignedly taken in the ignorant town's people. Wilkins,

to the body; it can neither think nor act
without him; and, in short, is as perfect
a non entity as a wife without her huf-
band. You must therefore, through pure
good-will and affection to your troops,
You
take care of your own facred person, and
never expose it to any dangers.
have not arrived to this rank without
knowing the folly of knocking one's head
against a poft, when it can be avoided.
When any fervice of danger is to be per-
formed, you should find your fecond in
command, or fome inferior officer-but
whomfoever you fend, he fucceeds in
the bufinefs, be sure to take all the merit
to yourself.

You must be as abfolute in your command, and as inacceffible to your troops, as the eastern fultans, who call themselves the Lord's vicegerents upon earth. In fact, a commander in chief is greater than a fultan: for if he is not the Lord's viccgerent, he is the king's, which, in the idea of a military man, is much better.

As no other perfon in your army is allowed to be poffeffed of a single idea, it would be ridiculous, on any occafion, to affemble a council of war, or at least to be guided by their opinion: for, in oppofition to yours, they must not truft to the moft evident perception of their fenfes. It would be equally abfurd and unmilitary to confult their convenience; even when it may be done without any detriment to the fervice: that would be taking away the most effectual method of exercifing their obedience, and of perfecting them in a very confiderable branch of military difcipline.

You have heard that fecrecy is one of the first requifites in a commander. In order, therefore, to get a name for this great military virtue, you must always be filent and fullen, particularly at your own table; and I would advife you to fecure your fecrets the more effectually, by depofiting them in the fafeft place you can think of; as, for inftance, in the breast of your wife or mistress.

Ignorance of your profeffion is likewise beft concealed by folemnity and filence, which pass for profound knowledge upon

the

the generality of mankind. A proper attention to thefe, together with extreme feverity, particularly in trifles, will foon procure you the character of a good offi

cer.

think you a dare devil indeed. I would recommend it to you to make use of fome oath or execration peculiar to yourself, in imitation of queen Elizabeth and captain Bobadil; as, "I hope to be damned," or any other equally expreffive.

It is your duty to be attentive to the public good, but not without some regard Remember that eafe and conveniency to your own, in your difpenfation of fa- are very apt to render foldiers effeminate! vours. You must take care never to ad-witness Hannibal's army at Capua. Nevance an officer above one step at a time, however brilliant his merit, unless he be your relation: you mult confider, that your ignorance in the higher branches of your profeffion can only be covered with the fricteft attention to punctilio, and the eminutia of the fervice.

As you probably did not rife to your prefent diftinguished rank by your own merit, it cannot reafonably be expected that you should promote others on that fcere.

Above all, be careful never to promote an intelligent officer: a brave chucklebeaded fellow will do full as well to execute your orders. An officer that has an iota of knowledge above the common run, you must confider as your perfonal enemy; for you may be sure he laughs at you, and your manœuvres.

A principal part of your duty is to fee justice diftributed among your troops. Military law being fo fummary and concife, you will not find this a difficult matter: but if fimple as it is, you thould be entirely unacquainted with it, you may fubftitute your own good-will and pleafure-and that in fact must be justice, for a commander in chief is as infallible as the pope, and, being the king's reprefentative, he can do no wrong, any more than his royal matter.

In diftributing juftice, you must always incline a little to the strongest fide. Thus, if a difpute happens between a field-officer and a fubaltern, you muft, if poffible, give it in favour of the former.-Force is indeed the ruling principle in military affairs; in conformity to which the cannon have been called, ever fince their firft invention, the ratio ultima regum.

Subordination being highly neceffary in an army, you must take care to keep a proper distance, first between yourself and your fecretary, then between your fecretary and the general officers on the ftaff, and fo ou, to the latt link in the military chain.

Though you are not to allow fwearing in others, it being forbidden by the articles of war, yet, by introducing a few oaths occ fionally into your difcourfe, you will give your inferiors fome idea of your courage, especially if you should be advanced in years; for then they must

ver, therefore, let the troops have com. fortable quarters; and as money, according to Horace, lowers a man's courage, be fure to cut off every emolument from your army, to prevent the im. pediment of a full purfe. Befides, no perfon will behave fo defperately in action as thofe who are tired of their lives; lit eo quo vis qui zonam perdidit—and the more you pinch the army under your command, the more you may appropriate to your own use your country can af ford to make you the handsomer allowance.

If you ferve under a miniftry with whom economy is the word, make a great bustle and parade about retrenchments; it will be prudent for you, like. wife, to put it in some measure into practice: but not fo as to your own perqui fites, or thofe of your dependants. Thefe favings are best out of the pay of the fubaltern officers and private foldiers; who, being little able to bear it, will of courfe make much complaint of it, which will render your regard to economy the more confpicuous. And though your pay-mafter, or commiffary general, may touch more than the amount of all that you retrench from the body of the army, no matter, if you go snacks with them : the public need know nothing about them, if they are but fnug, and learn how to keep their own fecrets.

Should the duties bear hard on any particular corps, never attend in the leaft to their reprefentations. Remonftrances are the forerunners of mutiny; and it is the higheft infult to your rank and command to infinuate that you are not infallible.This rule, however, may be difpenfed with, when the colonel or commanding officer happens to be a peer or a man of great intereft.

Be fure to give out a number of orders. It will at leaft fhew the troops you do not forget them. The more trifling they are, the more it fhews your attention to the fervice; and thould your orders contradict one another, it will give you an opportunity of altering them, and find fubject of fresh regulations.

You will doubtlefs foon learn what to do with the fecret-fervice money. The gullibility of the miniflers at home may

perhaps

1782.
perhaps induce them to believe, that this
is all expended on spies, on gaining intel-
ligence, and other public interests. So a
part of it is, however finall; but there
are other services equally fecret, and not
lefs important to the commander in chief,
which must be fupplied from this fund,
efpecially if he has paffed his grand cli-
macteric. In this you cannot be faid to
cheat the public; for you give them the
real ftate of the expence : so that there is
no knavery or collufion in the matter.

You fhould have a clever fecretary to
write your dispatches, in cafe you fhould
not be fo well qualified yourself. This
gentleman may often ferve to get you out
of a fcrape. You must take pains fo to
interlard your letters with technical terms,
that neither the public, nor the minifter
to whom they are addreffed, will under-
ftand them, especially if the tranfactions
you are defcribing be trivial: it will then
give them an air of importance. This is
Conformable to the maxim of epic and
dramatic poetry, of raifing the diction at
times to cover the poverty of the fubject.
In your first official letter you must in-
graft a tolerable number of French words,
though there be English ones equally à
propos, to give people an idea of your
fhould
military talents: but then you
take care to keep up the fame fpirit of
writing, otherwife people may imagine
that your abilities and your language are
exhaufted together.

If upon fervice you have any ladies in your camp, be valiant in your converfation before them. There is nothing pleafes the ladies more than to hear of forming breaches, and fuch like martial exploits. This, however, I only recommend at night over the bottle: it cannot be expected that you should be so valiant and blood thirsty, upon mature deliberation, the next morning; that, indeed, would be murder in cold blood.

Nothing is fo commendable as generofity to an enemy. To follow up a victory, would be taking the advantage of his distress. It will be fufficient therefore for you to fhew, that you can beat him when you think proper. Befides, giving your enemy too fevere a drubbing may put an end to the war before you have feathered your neft handsomely, and provided for your relations and dependants. If you are pursuing a retreating enemy, let him get a few days march a-head, to fhew him that you have no doubt of being able to overtake him, when you fet about it and who knows but this proceeding may encourage him to ftop? Af ter he has retired to a place of fecurity,

you may then go in queft of him with
your whole army.

It will be your own fault if you do not
make a fortune in the course of your com-
mand. When you come home, you have
nothing to do but enjoy otium cum digni-
tate. I would have you build a villa,
and, in imitation of the great duke of
Marlborough, call it by the name of the
most confiderable victory you have gain-
ed. If you gained no victory, you may
perhaps have taken fome town without
ramparts or garrifon to defend it; which,
if it has but a founding name, the public
will give you as much credit for, as they
would for Lifle or Bergen op Zoom.

If you should ever be called into the fervice again, you will be too wife from your paft experience to go and expofe your old bones in Germany, America, or the Indies. Sol would advife you to get the command of a camp or diftrict in Old England; where you may enjoy all the pomp and parade of war, and, at the fame time, be tolerably fecure from those hard knocks which your neceffities impelled you to risk in your younger days.

Account of the land of Sardinia.

TH

HE population of the illand, it is well known, is neither proportioned to its fize, nor to its natural fertility. The king never refides in it: the viceroys are changed every third year. The afcendency of the nobility and the clergy; the. poverty and oppreffion of the common people; the groffeft ignorance of the improvements and enjoyments of other nations; the laziness of the natives, and their dull contentment with their own wretched and fqualid ftate; the neglect of agriculture, and want of trade, are more than fufficient to account for that fmall population. In 1758 the feven cities and towns of the island contained no more than 53,451 people; and the whole. island not above 326,445 that number. has now rifen to 376,000, of which the capital, Cagliari, alone is faid to contain from 25 to 26,000. The power of the viceroy is very contined; as is that of the king himself, by the ancient and established liberties and privileges, which by favouring the interes of particular classes, obftruct the profperity of the nation in general. The number of troops kept in the island is very small; fo is the revenue of the kingdom, which does not quite amount to one million of Sardinian lire; this revenue arifes from a land tax of 60,000 feudi, from fait, from tobacco; monopolized by the king, from the duty of goods imported (which at Cagliari a

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mounts to fixteen per cent, of which the
king however receives only three per cent.
the nobility pay no duty;) from the ex-
portation of corn, and other productions
of the country; from the coral and tun-
ny-fishery; from the royal feal: from the
poft office; from crown villages, and from
mines. All thefe branches and fources of
revenue have ever fince the times of the
Pifan, Genoese, and efpecially the Spa-
nish government, been neglected or fpoil-
ed. Government is in every respect cou: -
teracted and cramped by the great privi-
leges of the nobility. The country is
perpetually draining of its cafh, as its
wealthielt noblemen chufe to refide and
fpend their income in Spain. The laws
are good, but indifferently executed. The
afylum afforded by churches prevails here,
and is attended with all its pernicious ef-
fects. In ignorance in matters of reli-
gion, and abfurdity in religious ceremo-
nies, the natives feem to exceed all other
nations. The clergy are rich, luxurious,
indolent, and ignorant: and the state of
learning, arts and fciences, in general,
very poor indeed. The Jefuits had be-
gun to collect a library, the only one in
the island, and that is now fhut up. The
eye meets every where with large unculti-
vated tracts of country, and the lazinefs
of the natives is, as ufual, joined to an ob-
ftinate oppofition to every innovation or
improvement...Yet even here the order
of the Jefuits was abolished without any
difficulty.

The tunny fishery is a confiderable ar-
ticle of trade.

The viceroy receives every year, in
September, lifts of all the people, and an
account of all the corn grown within the
year, and of all the cattle in the island.

A Literary Deception.

T is understood, that Anfon's voyage

written. The narrative is equally intruc-
tive and entertaining. To the authenticity
of hiftory, it joins the marvellous relati-
ons of romance; and it holds a more dif-
tinguished rank among modern producti-
ons, than the retreat of the ten thousand
does among the ancients. Mr. Walter,
the chaplain of the Centurion [Lord An-
fon's thip] is generally reputed to be the
author of this excellent work. But it is
known among perfons curious in thefe
matters, that the champion of Newton's
Fluxions, in oppofition to the Analyfis of
bishop Berkeley, Benjamin Robins was
the real author. He was thought worthy
to be prefented, by the Royal Academy,
with a golden medal, for his difcoveries
in artillery, and died in 1751, at Fort St.
David, being then chief engineer in the
fervice of the Eat India company. This

man can furnish a strong proof, that the
most profound and abftracted knowledge
is not incompatible with the elegance of
ftyle and fine genius; and this pofition is
alfo confirmed by the example of au-
pertuis and D'Alembert.

A fingular Cafe which occurred to J. P.
Schotte, M. D. during bis Practice at Senegal,
THE Guinea worm may be confidered

THE

as a difeafe of the fkin. As this is
a diforder not known in Europe, I fhall
take notice of an extraordinary inftance
of it. The right foot of a black girl had
been much inflamed for a time, when a
boil appeared afterwards near the inward
metatarfal bone, which breaking the head
(as it is called) of a Guinea worm, made
its appearance. In the mean time, an-
other boil, near the outward metatarfi
bone appeared, and the head of another
Guinea worm thowed itself. I took hold
of the one and the other, and wound as
much of each as followed cafily, upon
two feparate little sticks. I continued
this work every day for about three weeks,
and then nothing more would follow by
pulling; but, I obferved, that while I
was pulling the one ftick, the other was
drawn close to the fkin, which bewed,
that what I had wound upon the two
fticks, were the two ends of one and the
fame worm. I therefore unrolled the end
of the worm from the one stick, and by
pulling the other it re-entered the foot,
in which it made different windings, and
came out at the other boil. The whole
worm was two yards long, and not fo
thick as the fmailett cord of a violin
but which of the ends was the head, it
there was any, I cannot pretend to fay.
Anecdote of Lord Cornvallis.
POOR foldier who had long ferved
under his lordship in America, and
whofe conftitution had been greatly im
climate,
for

A

relief in London. Being a Suffolk man,
his lordship thought his native air mot
likely to contribute to the restoration of
his health; and was at the expence of re-
moving him from London to his own feat
at Culford, where he was attended by his
lordship's physician, who refides in Bury,
and whofe fkill is indifputable. On the
noble carl's quitting his feat for Brome
one morning, he enquired of the poor fel-
low whether he had any money in his
pocket; on his anfwering he had not, his
lordship generously took out his purfe,
and gave him ten guineas, which was not
exhaulled when he died, three guineas
and a half being then found in his pocket,
and which, it is not doubted, will be tak-
en care of for a fifter that lives in a neigh-
bouring village. He was buried at Cul-
ford.

INDEX

1782.

Poetry.

Prologue to the Beft Bidder. Written by Captain
Topham. Spoken by Mr. Palmer.

WOE of life,

OE to the man, who, midft the forms
[wife!
Hath prov'd that worst of forms-a fcolding
Woe to the man, who, toiling for the state,
Hath borne the buffet of each long debate!
The call to order, Sir,-I rife to prove !'
I'm up-I'm down-I will-I will not move!'
But worse than woe to him! who, baited here,
Finds nought but catcal founds'affail his ear.
Off! off!-go on-encore !-no more to
[him quite!
night!
Apology? over with him!'-'tis over with
From all thefe dire alarms that shock our days,
None feels fo forely as pilgarlic Bayes.
The wedded wight, whofe faithful confort's
clack

Still braves his filence with renew'd attack,
May, when the tumult of fome moaths is o'er,
By one kind ftroke of fate be dinn'd no more.
The hunted minifter may 'cape the chafe,
And lofe at once his fuff'rings and his place.
But the poor cailiff bard, when hunted down
By that quick-fcented pow'rful pack-the Town,
In vain to hide the wounds of fport may try,
His ears ftill v brate with the awful cry:
Or should he, barely 'fcap'd with life, retire
To his lone garret, and-his want of fire,

Th' approaching dawn, to chafe his last night's

vapours,

Brings friendly counsel in the morning papers:
Forc'd puns!-vile plot!-no wit!-cenes

feen before!

-We advife the Gentleman to write no more.'
Our bard to night, altho' not quite fo poor,
Still wants the art to make his labour fure:
Tho' on these boards he trove with favor'd
toil

To diffipate your cares, and wake your file,
Here, tho' his works stood tolerably well,
He built on other ground, and there he fell.
Myfelf-a difmal witness, can relate
The dire difafters of his doleful fate.
Brifk beaux I faw with critic belles engage,
An active audience, and a paffive stage;
Apples and oranges were all we bad-
Sad fruits of writing-when the writing's fad!

Sing rub a dub, dub a dub, whe, whe, whe,
fe, fe, fe!

Thunder and plunder ! a foldier, a foldier, a
foldier for me!

Each morn when you fee him upon the parade,
He cuts fuch a flash,

With his gorget and fash;
And makes fuch ado,

With his gaiters and queue,
Sleeping or waking, who need be afraid?
Sing rub a dub, &c. &c. &c.

Or else when he's mounted, fo trim, and so tall,
With broad (word in hand,
The whole town to command;
Such capers, fuch prances,
Such ogling, fuch glances,

Our hearts gallop off, and are left at White-
hall;

Sing tara, tantara, tan, too, too, too, too, too,
Trumpet, and thump ita foldier, a foldier,

a foldier for me.

A Defcription of Winter. By a Gentleman of
Cambridge.

ROM mountains of eternal fnow,

Fand Zembla's dreary plains;

Where the bleak winds for ever blow,
And froft for ever reigns:

Lo! Winter comes in fogs array'd,

With ice, and (pangled dews;
To dews, and fogs, and forms be paid

The tribute of the muse.
et nature spread,
Each flow'ry carpets
Is vanish'd from the eye;
Where'er unhappy lovers tread,
No Philomel is nigh.

1

No blushing rose unfolds its bloom,
No tender lilies blow,
To fcent the air with rich perfume,
Or grace my charmer's brow.
Hail! ev'ry pair whom love unites

In Hymen's pleafing tics;
That endless fource of pure delights,
That bleffing of the wife!

Tho' yon pale orb no warmth bestows,
And ftorms united meet,

The flame of love, and friendship glows
With unextinguish'd heat!

The Farmer's Tail exemplified.

But if again the culprit you receive,
And bid our prodigal return and live,
For foreign follies he no more will roam,
Some follies furely may be found at home.
The pride of family, the thirst of power,
Spleen's jaundic'd day and Fashion's idle hour,
Have fometimes fullied, with fuccessful art,
The native luftre of the English heart.
These to correct shall be our Author's aim,
Old German Barons henceforth he'll disclaim,
Pursue new measures to engage your favor,
And bid Kinkvervankotsdaarsprakengatchdern 4th Another part for harvest, fickle, fcythe;
5th One part for eplough-wright, cart-wright,
knacker, fmith;

Neep for ever!

ift PART you caft forth for rent, due out of
hand,

2d One other part for feed, to fow thy land;
3d Another part leave parfon for his tythe;

The following Song is introduced in the Farce of the 6th One part t'uphold thy teams that draw

A

Beft Bidder.

Soldier, a foldier for me!

His arms are fo bright,

And he stands fo upright;

So gallant and gay,
When he trips it away,

Who is fo nice and well powder'd as he?

Hib. Mag. App. 1782.

therewith;

7th Another part for workmen' ages lay;
8th One part for food-the b

akes no nay;

9th One part thy wife, for necutul things, doth

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