To bring that hour, alas! time briskly fled :

With dire intent,

Away they went,

And now behold them at a patient's bed.

The master-doctor solemnly perused

His victim's face, and o'er his symptoms mused : Look'd wise, said nothing—an unerring way When people nothing have to say:

Then felt his pulse, and smelt his cane,

And paused, and blink'd, and smelt again,

And briefly of his corps perform'd each motion;
Manœuvres that for Death's platoon are meant :
A kind of a Make-ready and Present!

Before the fell discharge of pill and potion.
At length, the patient's wife he thus address'd:
Madam, your husband's danger's great,
And (what will never his complaint abate),
The man's been eating oysters, I perceive."
"Dear! you're a witch, I verily believe!"
Madam replied, and to the truth confess'd.

Skill so prodigious Bobby too admired,
And home returning of the Sage inquired

How these same oysters came into his head? "Psha! my dear Bob, the thing was plain Sure that can ne'er distress thy brain,

I saw the shells lie underneath the bed."

So wise by such a lesson grown,

Next day Bob ventured forth alone;

And to the self-same sufferer paid his court But soon, with haste and wonder out of breath, Return'd the stripling minister of death,

And to his master made this dread report:

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Why, sir, we ne'er can keep that patient under,
Oh! such a maw I never came across!
The fellow must be dying, and no wonder,
For hang me if he hasn't eat a horse!"

"A horse!" the elder man of physic cried,
As if he meant his pupil to deride —
"How came so wild a notion in your head!"
"How! think not in my duty I was idle ;
Like you, I took a peep beneath the bed,

And there I saw a saddle and a bridle !”

ANON.

THE COLLEGIAN AND THE PORTER.

AT Trin. Coll. Cam.—which means, in proper spelling,
Trinity College, Cambridge—there resided
One Harry Dashington- a youth excelling
In all the learning commonly provided
For those who choose that classic station
For finishing their education :

That is he understood computing

The odds at any race or match;

Was a dead hand at pigeon shooting;

Could kick up rows-knock down the watch

Play truant and the rake at random

Drink-tie cravats and drive a tandem.
Remonstrance, fine, and rustication,
So far from working reformation,

Seem'd but to make his lapses greater;
'Till he was warn'd that next offence
Would have this certain consequence
Expulsion from his Alma Mater.

One need not be a necromancer

To guess that with so wild a wight,
The next offence occurr'd next night;
When our Incurable came rolling

Home as the midnight chimes were tolling,
And rang the College bell. No answer.

Made the street echo its alarum ;

When to his great delight he heard

The sordid Janitor, old Ben,

Rousing and growling in his den.

"Who's there? I s'pose young Harum-scarum."

"Tis I, my worthy Ben- 'tis Harry.”

"Ay, so I thought- and there you'll tarry,

'Tis past the hour- the gates are closed

You know my orders - I shall lose

My place if I undo the door."

"And I (young Hopeful interposed),

Shall be expell'd if you refuse,

"Humph!" growl'd the greedy old curmudgeon Half overjoy'd and half in dudgeon.

"Now you may pass, but make no fuss, On tiptoe walk and hold your prate." "Look on the stones, old Cerberus," Cried Harry, as he pass'd the gate,

"I've dropp'd a shilling — take the light,

You'll find it just outside ― good night.”

Behold the porter in his shirt,

Scolding the rain which never stopp'd, Groping and raking in the dirt,

And all without success; but that

Is hardly to be wonder'd at,
Because no shilling had been dropp'd;
So he gave o'er the search at last,
Regain'd the door, and found it fast!

With sundry oaths and growls and groans,

He

once rang - twice and thrice, and then Mingled with giggling heard the tones, Of Harry mimicking old Ben. "Who's there?-'tis really a disgrace To ring so loud — I've lock’d the gate I know my duty — 'Tis too lateYou wouldn't have me lose my place."

"Psha! Mr. Dashington: remember,

This is the middle of November.

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I'm stripp'd-'tis raining cats and dogs."` Hush, hush!" quoth Hal, "I'm fast asleep; " And then he snored as loud and deep

As a whole company of hogs.

"But hark ye, Ben, I'll grant admittance At the same rate I paid myself."

"Nay, master, leave me half the pittance," Replied the avaricious elf.

"Surely you'll give me," growl'd th' outwitted
Porter, when again admitted,

"Something, now you've done your joking,
For all this trouble, time, and soaking."

"Oh, surely surely!" Harry said:

Since, as you urge, I broke your rest,
And you're half drown'd and quite undress'd,
I'll give you leave to go to bed."

ANON.

THE BASHFUL MAN.

AMONG the various good and bad qualities incident to our nature, I am unfortunately that being overstocked with the one called bashfulness: for you must know, I inherit such an extreme susceptibility of shame, that on the smallest subject of confusion, my blood rushes into my cheeks, and I appear a perfect full-blown rose; in short, I am commonly known by the appellation of "The Bashful Man". The consciousness of that unhappy failing, made me formerly avoid that social company I should otherwise have been ambitious to appear in: till at length, becoming possessed of an ample fortune by the death of an old rich uncle, and vainly supposing that "money makes the man", I was determined to shake off my natural timidity, and join the gay throng with this view I accepted of an invitation to dine with one, whose open easy manner left me no room to doubt of a cordial welcome. Sir Thomas Friendly was an intimate acquaintance of my late uncle's, with two sons and five daughters, all grown up, and living with their mother and a maiden sister of Sir Thomas's. Conscious of my unpolished gait, I for some time took private lessons of a person, who teaches grown gentlemen to dance". Having, by this means, acquired the art of walking without tottering, and learned to make a bow, I boldly ventured to obey the baronet's invitation to a family dinner, not doubting but my new acquirements would enable me to see the

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