ftand kiffing, they muft no longer paint, but drink for a complexion: a maxim that in this our age has been purfued with no ill fuccefs; and has been as admirable in its effects, as the famous cosmetic mentioned in the Poftman, and invented by the renowned British Hippocrates of the peftle and mortar, making the party, after a due courfe, rofy, hale, and airy; and the best and most approved receipt now extant for the fever of the spirits. But to return to our female candidate, who, I understand, is returned to herself, and will no longer hang out falfe colours; as she is the first of her fex that has done us fo great an honour, fhe will certainly, in a very fhort time, both in profe and verfe, be a lady of the most celebrated deformity now living; and meet with admirers here as frightful as herfelf. But being a long-headed gentlewoman, I am apt to imagine fhe has fome farther defign than < you have yet penetrated; and perhaps has more mind to the SPECTATOR than any of his fraternity, as the perfon of all the world fhe could like for a paramour and if fo, really I cannot but aplaud her choice; and should be glad, if it might lie in my power, to effect an amicable accommodation betwixt two faces of fuch different extremes, as the only poffible expedient, to mend the breed, and rectify the phyfiognomy of the family on both fides. And again, as the is a lady of a very fluent ' elocution, you need not fear that your first child will be boin dumb, which otherwife you might have fome reafon to be apprenfive of. To be plain with you, I can fee nothing fhocking in it; for though fhe has not a face like a John- Apple, yet as a late friend of mine, who at fixty-five ventured on a lafs of fifteen, very frequently, in the remaining five years of his life, gave me to underftand, that, as old as he then feemned, when they were firft married he and his fpoufe could make but four-fcore, fo may madam Hecatiffa very juftly alledge hereafter, that, as long-vifaged as fhe may then be thought, upon their wedding-day Mr SPECTATOR and fhe had but half an ell of face betwixt them; and this my very worthy predeceffor, Mr Serjeant Chin, always maintained to more than the true oval proportion between man and wife. But as this may be a new thing to you, who have hitherto had no expectations from women, I 6. be no 'fhall 'fhall allow you what time you think fit to confider on't: not without fome hope of feeing at last your thoughts 'hereupon fubjoined to mine, and which is an honour much defired by, SIR, Your affured friend, and most humble fervant, Hugh Goblin, Prefes. THE following letter has not much in it, but as it is written in my own praife, I cannot from my heart fupprefs it. SIR, You OU propofed in your SPECTATOR of laft Tuesday Mr Hobbes's hypothefis, for folving that very odd phænomenon of laughter. You have made the hypothefis valuable by efpousing it yourself; for had it continued Mr Hobbes's, no body would have minded it. Now here this perplexed cafe arifes. A certain company laughed very heartily upon the reading of that very paper of and the truth on it is, he must be a man of more yours: than ordinary conftancy that could ftand it out against fo much comedy, and not do as we did. Now there are few men in the world fo far loft to all good fenfe, as to look upon you to be a man in a ftate of folly inferior to himself. Pray then, how do you juftify your hypothefis of laughter? R Thursday, the 26th of the month of Fools. SIR, IN Your most humble, Q. R. N anfwer to your letter, I muft defire you to recolleft yourself; and you will find, that when did you me the honour to be fo merry over my paper, you laughed at the idiot, the German courtier, the gaper, the merry-andrew, the haberdasher, the biter, the butt, and not at Your most humble fervant The SPECTATOR. N° 53. Tuesday, May 1. Aliquando bonus dormitat Homerus. HOR. Ars poet. v. 359. Homer himself hath been observ'd to nod. My applications to me Y correfpondents grow fo numerous, that I cannot Mr SPECTATOR, IAM glad I can inform you, that your endeavours to adorn that fex, which is the fairest part of the vifible creation, are well received, and like to prove not unfuccefsful. The triumph of Daphne over her fifter Lætitia has been the fubject of converfation at feveral tea-tables where I have been prefent; and I have obferved the fair circle not a little pleafed to find you confidering them as reasonable creatures, and endeavouring to banish that Mahometan custom which had too much prevailed even in this island of treating women as if they had no fouls. I muft do them the juftice to fay, that there feems to be nothing wanting to the finishing of thefe lovely pieces of human nature, befides the turning and applying their ambition properly, and the keeping them up to a sense of what is their true merit. Epictetus, that plain honeft philofopher, as little as he had of gallantry, appears to have understood them, as well as the polite St Evremont, and has hit this point very luckily. When young women, fays he, arrive at a certain age, they hear themfelves called miftreffes, and are made to believe that their only bufinefs is to please the men; they immediately begin to drefs, and place all their hopes in the adorning of their perfons; it is therefore, continues he, worth the while to endeavour by all means to make them fenfible, that the honour paid to them is only upon account of their conducting themfelves with virtue, modefly, and difcretion. Now to pursue the matter yet further, and to render your cares for the improvement of the fair-ones more effectual, I would propofe a new method, like those applications which are faid to convey their virtue by fym pathy < pathy; and that is, that in order to embellish the mistress, " you fhould give a new education to the lover, and teach 'the men not to be any longer dazzled by false charms and unreal beauty. I cannot but think that if our sex knew always how to place their esteem justly, the other would not be fo often wanting to themselves in deferving it. For as the being enamoured with a woman of sense and virtue is an improvement to a man's understanding and morals, and the paffion is enobled by the object which infpires it; fo on the other fide, the appearing amiable to a man of a wife and elegant mind, carries in itfelf no fmall degree of merit and accomplishment. I conclude therefore. that one way to make the women yet more agreeable is, to make the men more virtuous. I am, SIR, your most humble fervant, R. B. SIR, April 25. YOURS of Saturday laft I read, not without fome refentment; but I will fuppofe when you fay you " expect an inundation of ribands and brocades, and to fee many new vanities which the woman will fall into upon " a peace with France, that you intend only the unthink6 ing part of our fex; and what methods can reduce them to reafon, is hard to imagine. 'BUT, Sir, there are others yet that your inftructions < might be of great ufe to, who, after their beft endeavours, • are fometimes at a lofs to acquit themfelves to a cenfo rious world. I am far from thinking you can altogether 'difapprove of conversation between ladies and gentlemen, regulated by the rules of honour and prudence; and have thought it an observation not ill made, that where that < was wholly denied, the woman loft their wit, and the " men their good manners. It is fure, from thofe impro< per liberties you mentioned, that a fort of undistinguishing people fhall banifh from their drawing-rooms the best bred men in the world, and condemn those that do not. Your ftating this point might, I think, be of good ufe, as well as much oblige, SIR, Your admirer, and ANNA BELLA. No answer to this, till Anna Bella fends a defcription of thofe fhe calls the beft bred men in the world. Mr 1 Mr SPECTATOR, AM a gentleman who for many years laft paft have been well known to be truly fplenetic, and that my fpleen arifes from having contracted fo great a delicacy, by reading the best authors, and keeping the most refined company, that I cannot bear the leaft impropriety of language, or rufticity of behaviour. Now, Sir, I have ever looked upon this as a wife diftemper; but by late ⚫ obfervations find that every heavy wretch, who has nothing to fay, excufes his dulnefs by complaining of the fpleen. Nay, I faw, the other day, two fellows in a ' tavern-kitclien fet up for it, call for a pint and pipes, and only by guzzling liquor to each other's health, and 'wafting finoke in each other's face, pretend to throw off the fpleen. I appeal to you, whether thefe dishonours are to be done to the distemper of the great and the polite. I beseech you, Sir, to inform these fellows that they have not the spleen, because they cannot talk without the help of a glass at their mouths, or convey their meaning to each other without the interpofition of clouds. If you will not do this with all speed, I affure you, for my part, I will wholly quit the difeafe, and for the future be merry with the vulgar. I am, SIR, your humble fervant. SIR, THIS HIS is to let you understand, that I am a reformed ftarer, and conceived a deteftation for that practice from what you have writ upon the fubject. But as you have been very fevere upon the behaviour of us men at divine fervice, I hope you will not be fo apparently partial to the women, as to let them go wholly unobferved. If they do every thing that is poffible to attract our eyes, are we more culpable than they for looking at them? I happened laft Sunday to be fhut into a pew, which was full of young ladies in the bloom of youth and beauty. When the fervice began, I had not room to kneel at the confeffion, but as I ftood kept my eyes from wandering as well as I was able, till one of the T young |