instruments a few days before, and desired the village blacksmith to make him half a dozen iron skewers of the same size. An old kitchen poker was by the force of fire, and the skill of the artist, transformed into a number of skewers, which, though not so well polished as the Metallic Tractors, were equally valuable in the estimation of the farmer. He first inquired whether any person present was afflicted with aches or pains. Dame Thomson

came forward and declared that she felt a slight rheumatic pain in one of her arms. "O, we'll soon remove that," cried the farmer; "here are a pair of the famous Metallic Tractors that you have so often heard of, they cure all pains." Saying this he applied the home-made skewers, and the woman, with apparent pleasure, exclaimed, “I protest, dear Sir, you have cured me already, my arm is quite well again!"

Wilkinson suppressed a laugh, and ordered his house-dog to be brought forward. Poor Pompey came, and the farmer desired one of his servants to sear the animal's foot slightly, that he might prove the efficacy of the Tractors in curing a burn. He then applied the genuine American metal to the burnt part, in presence of all his neighbours, but notwithstanding the various geometrical figures which he drew upon the spot, Pompey continued to yelp and wail, and when let loose limped away to his kennel.

The farmer then addressed the people ;-" You have this day," said he, "discovered the inefficacy of patent and quack medicines, let me never again hear any of you extol such ridiculous palliatives, which seem to mock pain and disease instead of giving relief, As for the miracle performed on the

arm of Dame Thomson, it was effected by part of my old kitchen poker, which Ben Perkins, our blacksmith, took to the smithy yesterday and hammered into skewers." While he spoke, poor Mrs. Thomson, who had only imagined she was cured, felt a sudden tingling in her arm, and went home to wrap it up in flannel, while the rest of the villagers retired with a thorough conviction that the cures said to be performed by nostrums were imaginary, and that such preparations were only invented by fraudulent Quacks, for the purpose of profiting by the credulity of mankind.

But the prejudice of an illiterate and unbred farmer can have little influence upon the enlightened and philosophic part of the community, who have long been advocates for wonderful discoveries, miracles performed by oxygen gas, and the gradual progress of corporeal and mental perfectibility.

It is to be regretted, however, that empirical physicians continue detached, nay even averse from each other, when they might, by a combination of their talents, contribute to the edification of the public.

An emperor among the ancients offered a reward to whoever could invent a new amusement, and in this age of refinement, we daily see the discoveries of genius liberally patronized by the community. Let our Quack Doctors then coalesce, and profit by the universal passion for something new.

Under the sanction of the Lord Chamberlain, a most amusing dramatic entertainment might be performed, under the denomination of The Grand Pantomimic-farcical-tragi-comical Drama. Let our most celebrated medical operators, Drs. Solomon, Senate, and Gardner, together with that matchless sur

geon Mr. Perkins, coalesce in one firm for the miraculous cure of all diseases incident to man,

Their theatre might be a temporary structure of wood, emblematic of the transitory nature of all earthly blessings. Before the curtain drew up, a number of swine, cats, parrots, peacocks, and owls, might, by the "concord of sweet sounds," harmonize the minds of the audience. The first scene might exhibit a number of old men and women hobbling in on crutches, and groaning, to the great delight of the hearers, while Mr. Perkins, like a kind magician, came forward, and by touching the old women with his talismanic Tractors, they should appear suddenly restored to health and ease. Meanwhile Gardner, like Jupiter Tonans, might, by the force of his electric fire, expel the demon of pain from the distorted limbs of the old men. Thus perfectly cured, as if by miracle, the happy assemblage might dance in a circle round the two philosophers, and afterwards march off the stage with acclamations of joy.

The next scene might exhibit Mr. S-, busily ployed in preparing his botanical cordials and vegetable syrups by an intermixture of different oils and simples, from jars, gallipots and bottles, while his great colleague, Dr. Solomon, appeared on the opposite side of the stage, ardently engaged in bottling his Cordial Balm of Gilead and Anti-Impetigines. In a short dialogue these sages might exhort each other to persevere in deceiving the credulous, by selling a few intermingled simples as efficacious specifics.

On the arrival of several patients being announced the scene shonld change to a spacious apartment.

Here a multitude of young and old, of both sexes, might appear in masquerade, exhibiting the most cadaverous and emaciated visages imaginable. On the entrance of the two sages, as they are both remarkable for the modesty of their proposals and the elegance of their manners, they might, in a low voice, inquire into the nature of each particular case.

In

deed this would afford an excellent opportunity for pantomimic gesticulation, as the patients might give an affecting idea of their tortures, by the distortions of their limbs, accompanied with shrieks and groans. After this ceremony, on a bell being rung, two servants might enter with the celebrated nostrums. While Mr. S. administered his restorative Syrup; Dr. Solomon might also pour out the vial ofhis AntiImpetigines, or his Balm, as cach particular case should require. An instantaneous cure, as if by miracle, should succeed this operation, which might be very naturally represented by the masks falling off, while the real faces presented the bloom of health, and the freshness and lustre of youthful vigour, to the admiring eyes of the astonished spec

tators.

The happy train thus miraculously healed, might express their gratitude to their benefactors in a song. In order to render the stage-effect more impressive, the other three beneficent sages might enter and join their venerable brethren, while the whole posse of inferior venders of specifics and panaceas should appear, forming a magnificent procession. When the whole assemblage of miracle mongers were collected in the middle of the stage, JUSTICE might be represented as descending from heaven, and by one touch of her fiery sword the ground should open beneath the feet of the

beneficent advertising physicians and their satellites, while they sunk to Erebus profound, and a vast volume of sulphurous flame issued from the Tartarean abyss, similar to the castrophe of Abomelique, in Blue Beard, or Female Curiosity.

We talk of the morality of tragedy, but this pantomime would be more instructive than any other species of public amusement. What could be more interesting than first to behold so many wretches relieved from the torture of disease and restored to health and beauty! The man of pleasure might retire from the scene with a determination to indulge in his habitual voluptuousness, while such effectual restoratives could be purchased to renovate his animal spirits; and the public in general might evince a generous contempt for temperance and virtue, while health, happiness, and immortality could be conferred by the skilful hand of the empiric.

So great has been the difference of opinion respecting Quack Doctors, that while some persons have extolled them as demi-gods, others have depreciated them as miscreants; but from the foregoing sketch, is it not evident that such philosophers are an honour to human nature? Cynical beings may stigmatize our advertising physicians with the opprobrious appellation of impostors, but the good-natured part of the community prove, by the avidity with which they purchase nostrums, that such aspersions are misapplied.

Seldom, indeed, have such extraordinary instances of philanthropy appeared as the present age can boast. We talk of Howard visiting lazarettos, and descending to dungeons, like an angel of consolation, endeavouring to mitigate human misery

may