me these promifes, without any apprehenfion of his being required to fulfil them. He accordingly wrote to Mrs. Sparks, de firing fhe would find an opportunity of communicating the contents of his letters to me, which confifted of a profusion of profeffions and promifes. As he knew that I saw no one but her, whofe intereft made her his friend *, he was well affured nothing which paffed upon this occafion would tranfpire. His name threw me into fuch agitations, that Mrs. Sparks much feared to mention it. Bur as he grew more preffing every poft, for her to conjure me to receive a letter from him, or at least to permit her to read to me what he wrote to her, the ventured to speak to me upon the fubject. Upon my determining to return to London, I had wrote to my long-confulted oracle Mr. Quin, acquainting him with my fituation, and requefting his advice. The good man wrote me for anfwer, that he would not advife me to make the rupture public, nor by any means to quit Parliamentftreet, till the whole of my debts were difcharged; and even when I was a clear woman, not to ftir till I was amply provided for. Had that gentleman duly confidered of the advice he gave me, he must have known, *Mr. Calcraft had, at that time, three fhares in the theatre, and was in fuppofition of purchafing the patent; when Mr. Sparks had the promife of being acting manager. H VOL. III. that that going back was the only method to prevent a completion of the other part of his directions. I was really well persuaded that when Mr. Calcraft had gained his purpose, that of my returning to him, he would foon forget his promifes. His fordid difpofition was not to be prevailed upon to part with a capital fum, unless incited to it by compulfion or fear. But as my worthy friend poffeffed a heart replete with generous fentiments, he was led to judge of others by his own. After many attempts, Mrs. Sparks, at length, prevailed upon me to read one of Mr. Calcraft's letters. He conjured me in it, for the fake of humanity, for my children's fake, and for my own, to return to him. He bound himself, by the facred name of his Creator, to pay my debts in three months. He concluded with urging the violence of his paffion, and informed me, that he had entreated fome friend to deprecate my anger. This friend, probably, was the Doctor. But thefe folicitations would have proved ineffectual, had not Mr. Quin's advice coincided with them. At laft, wearied with these teafings; fick of the Wells; and tolerably recovered; I returned to the hated manfion, and to its more hated master. This, however, I would only confent to do, upon the exprefs conditions, that he should never attempt to fee or fpeak to me alone; and that that he fhould be punctual in paying my debts, according to his propofal. Thefe articles he readily acceded to. And I verily believe, that if I had then requested him to take a step to the moon, and endeavour to prevail upon that luminary to make me a vifit, he would have promised to do fo; and with the fame intention of fulfilling his promife. There might, however, have been fome fparks of affection ftill remaining in his bofom, kept alive by the confequences of our union. And the regret he felt, when I was fuppofed to be beyond all hope of recovery, might make the favage believe he felt fomething like tenderness. But, ah! how unlike the tendernefs to which the chords of my heart could only vibrate! -- I am almoft tempted, at times, to envy those who are born with an infenfible heart. -Happy people! (I am fometimes on the point of crying out) happy people! who pafs through life in a state of enviable tranquillity. If ye do not taste, in an exquifite manner, of the pleasures this fublunary ftate affords; neither do the pains, with which it abounds, pungently affect you. And as the former are uncertain and tranfitory, and the latter fure and lafting, ye are gainers by the allotment.-So wife a man as Zeno is faid to be, could never have taught the doctrine of Stoicifm, nor his followers, the most fenfible of the Greeks, have embraced it, had there not been some rational foundation for it, and the infenfibility it enjoins defirable.-Had thy days, O Sterne, been fpared to the united wishes of the lovers of genius, and thou hadst attained a good old age, it is a doubt, whether, upon a review of thy life, thou wouldst not have exchanged, had it been in thy power, thy fufceptibility, (and, furely, no mortal was ever endowed with a greater portion) for this unfeeling Stoicism. -Impious thought! it admits not of a doubt.-Thou wouldst rather have exclaimed with me, "Give me my fufceptibility, "though it be attended with more than pro"portionate unhappiness!-The pleasures flowing from love and from philanthropy, "neither of which can ever find a refidence "in a Stoic's bofom, fully compensate for "the augmented pains!" As I write from the heart, my pen, notwithstanding my affurances that I would check its fallies, has again, Pegasus like, run away with me.-And so I fear it will do to the end of the chapter. G. A. B. LETTER LETTER LXVIIL June 19, 17 Yo OU now find me once more in ftato quo, doing again the honours of Mr. Calcraft's table, and receiving the congratulations of my numerous friends upon the occafion. A fhort time after my recovery, a demand was made from the Treasury of the government plate left us by the late unfortunate General Braddock. The demand was rejected. Upon which, a fuit was commenced. But that failing, we were left in poffeffion of the royal donation, and the lions, unicorns, and hares, made their appearance at table. I now received the news of Mifs Meredith's death. She had bequeathed to me five hun dred pounds, together with the twelve hundred pounds I was indebted to her; her jewels, which I have reafon to believe coft near two thoufand; and all her beft laces which were of great value. I regretted the lofs of this valuable young lady moft fincerely, and mourned for her inwardly as well as outwardly. Her legacy was of great fervice to me, as I was not engaged this feason at the theatre, and had been, obliged to borrow upon fome of my diamonds, in order H 3 το |