Mrs. Mech. I look for him every minute: if you will but step into the drawing-room-I have given him such a picture, that I am sure he is full as impatient as you. Mrs. Love. My dear woman, you are so kind and obliging! But, Mrs. Mechlin, how do I look? Don't flatter me; do you think my figure will strike him? Mrs. Mech. Or he must be blind. Mrs. Love. You may just hint black don't become me; that I am a little pale of late; the loss of a husband one loves, will cause an alteration, you know. Mrs. Mech. True; oh, he will make an allowance for that. Brid. We have such things happen every day at the manage; but you are vastly improved. Fun. Why, I am grown bolder a little: and, Mr. Bridoun, when do you think I may venture to ride a live horse? Brid. The very instant you are able to keep trice. your seat on a dead one. Enter MRS. MECHLIN. Mrs. Mech. Bless me, Mr. Fungus, how you are trifling your time! I expect lady Sacharissa every moment, and see what a trim you are in! Fun. I beg pardon, good madam, Mechlin. I'll be equipped in a couple of minutes; where will her ladyship please to receive me? Mrs. Mech. In this room, to be sure! come, stir, stir! Fun. I have had a little fall from my horseI'll go as fast as I-Mr. Bridoun, will you lend me a lift? [Exeunt FUNGUS and BRIDOUN. Mrs. Mech. There-Jenny, show Mrs. Loveit in here Who's there? Enter SERVANTS. Pray, move that piece of lumber out of the way. Come, come, make haste! Madam, if you'll step in here for a moment. Enter MRS. LOVEIT. Mrs. Love. So, so, Mrs. Mechlin; well, you see I am true to my time; add how have you throve, my good woman? Mrs. Mech. Beyond expectation. Mrs. Love. Indeed! And have you provided a party! Mrs. Mech. Ay, and such a party, you might search the town round before you could meet with his fellow: he'll suit you in every respect. Mrs Love. As how, as how, my dear woman? Mrs. Mech. A gentleman, by birth and by breeding; none of your little whipper snapper Jacks, but a countenance as comely, and a presence as portly?—he has one fault, indeed, if you can but overlook that. Mrs. Love. What is it? Mrs. Mech. Why, he is rather under your mark, I am afraid; not above twenty at most. Mrs. Love. Well, well, so he answers in every thing else, we must overlook that; for, Mrs. Mechlin, there is no expecting perfection below. Mrs. Mech. True, madam. Mrs. Love. And where is he? Mrs. Love. But things will come round in a [Exil. Enter SIMON. Sim. Madam, Miss Dolly is dizened out, and every thing ready. Mrs. Mech. Let her wait for the commissary here; I will introduce him the instant he is dressed. [Erit. Sim. Miss Dolly, you may come in; your aunt will be here in an instant. Enter DOLLY and JENNY. Dol. Hush, Simon, hush! to your post. [Exit. Dol. Well, Jenny, and have I the true quality-air? Jen. As perfectly, madam, as if you had been bred to the business; and for figure, I defy the first of them all. For my part, I think Mr. FunI don't see what right he has to be angry. gus very well off; when the secret comes out, Dol. Oh, when once he is noosed, let him struggle as much as he will, the cord will be drawn only the tighter. Jen. Ay, ay, we may trust to your management. I hope, miss, I shall have the honour to follow your fortunes? There will be no bearing this house when once you have left it. Dol. No, Jenny, it would be barbarous to rob my aunt of so useful a second; besides, for mistress and maid, we rather know one another a little too well. Jen. Indeed! But here comes Mr. Fungusremember distance and dignity. Dol. I warrant you, wench. Jen. So, I see what I have to hope. Our young filly seems to be secure of her match: but I may jostle her the wrong side of the post; we will have a trial, however: but I must see and find out the brother. [Aside and Exit. Enter Z, FUNGUS and MRS. MECHLIN. Fun. Yes, scarlet is vastly becoming, and takes very much with the ladies; quite proper, too, as I have been in the army. Mrs. Mech. Stay where you are till you are announced to the lady-Mr. Fungus begs leave to throw himself at your ladyship's fect. Dol. The mon may draw nigh. Mrs. Mech. Courage. Fun. Here, hold the paper to prompt me, in case I should stumble.- -Madam, or, may it please your ladyship, when I preponderate the grandeur of your high ginnyalogy, and the mercantile meanness of my dingy descent; when I consider that your ancestors, like Admiral Anson, sailed all round the world in the ark; and that it is a matter of doubt whether I ever had any forefathers or no; I totter, I tremble, at the thoughts of my towering ambition- -Ah-a, is not Phaeton next? Mrs. Mech. Hey! [Looking at the paper.]— No. Luna. Fun. Right-ambition-dignity how debased, distance how great! it is as if the link should demand an alliance with Luna, or the bushy bramble court the boughs of the stately Scotch fir; it is as if— What's the next? Mrs. Mech. Next-hey! I have lost the place, I am afraid-Come, come, enough has been said; you have showed the sense you entertain of the honour. Upon these occasions, a third person is fittest to cut matters short. Your ladyship hears that- Dol. Yes, yes, I ken weel enough what the mon would be at. Mrs. Mechlin has speared sike things in your great commendations, Mr. Fungus, that I cannot but say I cliked a fancy to you from the very beginning. Fun. Much obliged to Mrs. Mechlin, indeed, please your ladyship Dol. You ken I am of as auncient a family as any North Britain can boast? Fun. I know it full well, please your ladyship. Dol. And that I shall get the ill-wull of a' my kin by this match? Fun. I am sorry for that, please your ladyship. Dol. But, after the ceremony, it will be proper to withdraw from town for a short space of time. Fun. Please your ladyship, what your ladyship pleases. Dol. In order to gi' that gossip Scandal just time to tire her tongue. Fun. True, your ladyship. Dol. I mun expect that the folk will mak free wi' my character in choosing sike a consort as you Fun. And with me, too, please your ladyship. Dol. Wi' you, mon! Mrs. Mech. Hold your tongue! Dol. Donna you think the honour will dra mickle envy upon you? Fun. Oh, to be sure, please your ladyship. I did not mean that. Dol. Weel, I say, we'll gang into the country. Fun. As soon as your ladyship pleases; I have a sweet house, hard by Reading. Dol. You ha'? that's right. Fun. One of the most pleasantest places that can be again. Dol. Ha' you a good prospect? Fun. Twenty stage-coaches drive every day by the door, besides carts and gentlemen's carriages. Dol. Ah, that will Mrs. Mech. Oh, your ladyship will find all things prepared: in the next room the attorney waits with the writings. Fun. The honour of your ladyship's handDol. Maister Fungus, you're a little too hasty. [Erit. Mrs. Mech. Not till after the nuptials; you must not expect to be too familiar at first. Fun. Pray, when do you think we shall bring about the bedding? Mrs. Mech. About the latter end of the year, when the winter sets in. Fun. Not before? Enter YOUNG LOVEIT, hastily. Young Love. I hope, Madam Mechlin, I have not exceeded my hour; but I expected Mr. Harpy would call. Mrs. Mech. He is in the next room with a lady. Oh, Mr. Fungus, this gentleman is ambitious of obtaining the nuptial benediction from the same hands after you. Fun. He's heartily welcome: What, and is his woman of quality, too? Mrs. Mech. No, uo; a cit; but monstrously rich. But your lady will wonder Fun. Ay, ay: but you'll follow ? for I shan't know what to say to her when we are alone. [Exit. Mrs. Mech. I will send you, sir, your spouse in an instant: the gentlewoman is a widow; so you may throw in what raptures you please. Young Love. Never fear! [Exit MRS. MECHLIN. And yet this scene is so new, how to acquit myself-let me recollect-some piece of a play now- Vouchsafe, divine perfection !'No, that won't do for a dowager; it is too humble and whining. But, see, the door opens, so I have no time for rehearsal- -I have it— Clasped in the the folds of love, I'll meet my doom, and act my dear memory melts me; and that at his very, sir, are one party, I reckon : but where is the→ name my heart is ready to break! Ah, Dolly! what, are you here, my dear? Dol. Soh! Young Love. Well said, my old matron of Ephesus! [Aside. Fun. Dolly! Who the devil can this be? Dr. Cat. As nice and as spruce, too! the bridemaid, I warrant: why, you look as bloom Mrs. Love. That is what you want, you disobedient, unnatural monster! but complete, accomplish your cruelty; send me the same road youring, you slut! villanies forced your father to take! [Cries. Enter MRS. MECHLIN. Mrs. Mech. Hey-day! What the deuce have we here? our old lady in tears! Mrs. Love. Disappointed a little; that's all. Mrs. Mech. Pray, madam, what can occasion-Mrs. Love. Lord bless me, Mrs. Mechlin, what a blunder you have made! Mrs. Mech. A blunder! as how? Mrs. Love. Do you know who you have brought me ? Mrs. Mech. Not perfectly. Mrs. Love. My own son! that's all. Mrs. Mech. Your son! Mrs. Love. Ay, that rebellious, unnatural— Mrs. Mech. Blunder, indeed! But who could have thought it! why, by your account, ma'am, I imagined your son was a child scarce out of his frocks. Mrs. Love. Here's company coming, so my reputation will be blasted for ever. Mrs. Mech. Never fear; leave the care on't to me. Enter FUNGUS and DOLLY. Fun. What is the matter? You make such a noise, there is no such thing as minding the writings. Mrs. Mech. This worthy lady, an old friend of mine, not having set eyes on her son since the death of his father, and being apprised by me that here she might meet with him, came with a true maternal affection to give him a little wholesome advice. Mrs. Love. Well said, Mrs. Mechlin! Mrs. Mech. Which the young man returned in a way so brutal and barbarous, that his poor mother- -Be comforted, ma'am ; you had better repose on my bed. Mrs. Love. Any where, to get out of his sight. Mrs. Love. Do you think you can procure me another party? Mrs. Mech. Never doubt it. [Exit coughing. Young Love. Sir? Fun. You a man! you are a scandal, a shame to your sect! Enter DR. CATGUT. Dr. Cat. Come, come, Mrs. Mechlin, are the couple prepared? the fiddles are tuned, the bows ready rosined, and the whole band-Oh, you Fun. What can this be! Hark ye, sir! Fun. Don't you think you are rather too familiar with a lady of her rank and condition? Dr. Cat. Rank and condition! what, Dolly? Fun. Dolly! what a plague possesses the man? this is no Dolly, I tell you. Dr. Cat. No! Fun. No, this is Lady Scracarissa Mackirkin Oh, Mrs. Mechlin, will you set this matter to rights? Mrs. Mech. How! Dr. Catgut? Fun. The strangest fellow here has danced up stairs, and has Dolly, Dolly, Dollyed my lady— who the plague can he be? Dr. Cat. Oh, apropos, Molly Mechlin ! what, is this the man that is to be married? The marriage will never hold good; why he is more frantic and madder— Fun. Mad! John, fetch me the foils; I'll carte and tierce you, you scoundrel! Enter ISAAC FUNGUS and JENNY. I. Fun. Where's brother? it an't over? you ben't married, I hope? 2. Fun. No, I believe not; why, what is the1. Fun. Pretty hands you are got into! Your servant, good madam; what, this is the person, I warrant? ay, how pretty the puppet is painted! Do you know who she is? 2. Fun. Who she is! without doubt. I. Fun. No, you don't, brother Zac; only the spawn of that devil incarnate, dressed out as— 2. Fun. But hark ye, Isaac ! are-don't be in a hurry are you sure I. Fun. Sure-the girl of the house, abhorring their scandalous project, has freely confessed the whole scheme. Jenny, stand forth, and answer boldly to what I shall ask: is not this wench the woman's niece of the house? Jen. I fancy she will hardly deny it. I. Fun. And is not this mistress of yours a most profligate Mrs. Mech. Come, come, Master Isaac, I will save you the trouble, and cut this matter short in an instant. Well then, this girl, this Dolly, is my niece; and what then? 2. Fun. And an't you, an't you ashamed? Young Love. She ashamed! I would have told you, but I could not get you to listen; why, she brought me here to marry my mother! 2. Fun. Marry your mother! Lord have mercy on us, what a monster! to draw a young man in to be guilty of incense! But, hark ye, brother Isaac? [They retire. Dr. Cat. Gad's my life, what a sweet project I have helped to destroy! But come, Dolly, I'll piece thy broken fortunes again: thou hast a good pretty voice; I'll teach thee a thrill and a shake, perch thee amongst the boughs at one of the gardens; and then, as a mistress, which, as the world goes, is a much better station than that of a wife, not the proudest of them all Mrs. Mech. Mistress! No, no, we have not managed our matters so badly. Hark ye, Mr. Commissary? 2. Fun. Well, what do you want? Mrs. Mech. Do you propose to consummate your nuptials? 2. Fun. That's a pretty question, indeed! Mrs. Mech. You have no objection then to paying the penalty, the contract here that Mr. Harpy has drawn? 2. Fun. The contract! hey, brother Isaac! I. Fun. Let me see it. Mrs. Mech. Soft you there, my maker of candles; it is as well where it is: but you need not doubt of its goodness; I promise you, the best advice has been taken. 2. Fun. What a damned fiend! What a harpy! Mrs. Mech. And why so, my good Master Fungus! is it because I have practised that trade by retail, which you have carried on in the gross? What injury do I do the world? I feed on their follies, 'tis true; and the game, the plunder, is fair: But the fangs of you and your tribe, A whole people have felt, and for ages will feel. To their candour and justice I make my appeal; Though a poor humble scourge in a national cause, As I trust I deserve, I demand your applause. |