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Queen. Come ladies will you please to chuse | A grand triumph.—Enter CHRONON HOTONTHO

your tea;

Or green Imperial, or Pekoe Bohea?

1st. Lady. Never, no, never sure on earth

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LOGOS, guards and attendants, &c. met by
RIGDUM-FUNNIDOS and ALDIBORONTIPHOS-

COPHORNIO.

Aldi. All hail to Chrononhotonthologos!
Thrice trebly welcome to your loyal subjects!
Myself and faithful Rigdum-Funnidos,
Lost in a Labyrinth of love and loyalty,
alto- Intreat you to inspect our inmost souls,

1st. Lady. We don't indeed: Your merit does our praise by far exceed. Queen. You make me blush: Pray, help me

to a fan.

1st Lady. That blush becomes you.Tat. Would I were a man!

airs.

Queen. I'll hear no more of these fantastic [Bell rings. The bell rings in: Come ladies, let's to prayers. [They dance off.

SCENE III.-An anti-chamber.

Enter RIGDUM and ALDIBORONTI.

Rig. Egad, we're in the wrong box! Who the devil would have thought that Chrononhotonthologos should be at that mortal sight of Tippodeans? Why there's not a mother's child of them to be seen! 'egad they footed it away as fast as their hands could carry them; but they have left their king behind them. We have him safe, that's one comfort.

Aldi. Would he were still at amplest liberty!
For, oh! my dearest Rigdum Funnidos,
I have a riddle to unriddle to thee,
Shall make thee stare thyself into a statue.
Our queen's in love with this Antipodean.
Rig. The devil she is! Well, I see mischief
is a going forward with a vengeance!
Aldi. But lo! the conqueror comes, all crown-
ed with conquest;

A solemn triumph graces his return.
Let's grasp the forelock of this apt occasion,
To greet the victor in his flow of glory.

And read, in them, what tongue can never utter.
Chro. Aldiborontiphoscophornio,
To thee and gentle Rigdum-Funnidos,
Our gratulations flow in streams unbounded:
Our bounty's debtor to your loyalty,
Which shall with interest, be repaid ere long.
But where's our queen? where's Fadladinida?
She should be foremost in this gladsome train,
To grace our triumph; but I see she slights me.
This haughty queen shall be no longer mine,
I'll have a sweet and gentle concubine.

Rig. Now my dear little Phorscophorny, for a
swinging lie to bring the queen off, and I'll run
with it to her this minute, that we may all be in
a say, Say she has got the thorough-go-nimble.
[Whispers, and steals off.
Aldi. Speak not, great Chrononhotonthologos,
In accents so injuriously severe,
Of Fadladinida, your faithful queen :
By me she sends an embassy of love.
Sweet blandishments, and kind congratulations,
But, cannot, Oh! she cannot come herself.
King. Our rage is turned to fear: What ails
the queen?

Aldi. A sudden diarrhæa's rapid force
So stimulates the peristaltic motion,
That she by far out-does her late out-doing,
And all conclude her royal life in danger.

King. Bid the physicians of the world assemble
In consultation, solemn and sedate:
More to corroborate their sage resolves,
Call from their graves the learned men of old:
Galen, Hippocrates, and Paracelsus :
Doctors, apothecaries, surgeons, chemists,
All, all attend and see they bring their medicines;
Whole magazines of galli-potted nostrums
Materialized in pharmaceutic order!
The man that cures our queen shall have our
empire.
[Exeunt.

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Tat. Can I guess what, unless you tell, my queen?

Queen. The king, I mean?

Tat. Just now returned from war, He rides like Mars in his triumphal car. Conquest precedes, with laurels in his hand; Behind him Fame does on her tripos stand; Her golden trump shrill through the air she sounds,

Which rends the earth, and thence to Heaven rebounds;

Trophies and spoils innumerable grace

This triumph, which all triumphs does deface: Haste then, great queen! your hero thus to meet, Who longs to lay his laurels at your feet.

Queen. Art mad, Tatlanthe? I meant no such thing.

Your talk's distasteful.

Tat. Didn't you name the king?

Queen. I did, Tatlanthe, but it was not thine; The charming king I mean, is only mine.

Tat. Who else, who else, but such a charming fair,

In Chrononhotonthologos should share?
The queen of beauty, and the god of arms,
In him and you united, blend their charins.
Oh! had you seen him, how he dealt out death,
And, at one stroke, robbed thousands of their
breath:

While on the slaughtered heaps himself did rise,
In pyramids of conquest to the skies:
The gods all hailed, and fain would have him stay;
But your bright charms have called him thence

away.

Queen. This does my utmost indignation raise:
You are too pertly lavish in his praise.
Leave me for ever! [TATLANTHE kneeling.
Tat. Oh! what shall I say?

Do not, great queen, your anger thus display!
O frown me dead! let me not live to hear
My gracious queen and mistress so severe !
I've made some horrible mistake, no doubt!
Oh! tell me what it is?

Queen. No, find it out.

Tat. No, I will never leave you here I'll grow,

Till you some token of forgiveness show: Oh! all ye powers above, come down, come down!

And froin her brow dispel that angry frown. Queen. Tatlanthe, rise; you have prevailed at

last:

Offend no more, and I'll excuse what's past. [TATLANTHE aside, rising. Tat. Why, what a fool was I, not to perceive her passion for the topsy-turvy king, the gentleman that carries his head where his heels should be? But I must tack about I see.

[To the QUEEN. Excuse me, gracious madam! if my heart Bears sympathy with your's in every part; With you alike I sorrow and rejoice, Approve your passion, and commend your choice; The captive king

Queen. That's he! that's he! that's be! I'd die ten thousand deaths to set him free: Oh! my Tatlanthe! have you seen his face, His air, his shape, his mein, his every grace? In what a charming attitude he stands! How prettily he foots it with his hands! Well, to his arms, no, to his legs, I fly, For I must have him, if I live or die. [Exeunt. SCENE II.A bed chamber. CHRONONHOTONTHOLOGOS asleep.

Rough music, viz. Salt-boxes and rolling-pins; grid-irons and tongs; sow-gelders' horns, marrow-bones and cleavers, &c. &c. [He wakes.

Chron. What heavenly sounds are these that charm my ears!

Sure 'tis the music of the tuncful spheres.

Enter Captain of the guards.

Capt. A messenger from general Bombardi

nian

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Command your freedom, by this sacred ring;

SCENE IV.-BOMBARDINIAN'S tent.

Then command me: What says my charming King and BOMBARDINIAN at a table, with two

king?

[She puts the ring in his mouth, he bends the sea-crab, and makes a roaring noise.

Queen. What can this mean! he lays his feet at mine,

Is this of love or hate his country's sign?
Ah! wretched queen! how hapless is thy lot,
To love a man that understands thee not!
Oh! lovely Venus, goddess all divine!
And gentle Cupid, that sweet son of thine,
Assist, assist me, with your sacred art,
And teach me to obtain this stranger's heart.

Venus and Cupid descend in her chariot, and sing.

AIR.

Ven. See Venus does attend thee,
My dilding, my dolding,
Love's goddess will befriend thee,
Lilly bright and shinee.

With pity and compassion,

My dilding, my dolding. She sees thy tender passion, Lilly, &c. da capo.

AIR.-Changes,

To thee I yield my power divine,
Dance over the lady Lee.

Demand whate'er thou wilt, 'tis thine,
My gay lady.

Take this magic wand in hand,
Dance, &c.

All the world's at thy command,
My gay, &c. da capo.

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ladies.

Bom. This honour, royal sir, so royalizes The royalty of your most royal actions, The dumb can only utter forth your praise; For we, who speak, want words to tell our mearing.

Two jolly young husbands your person shall share,
Gilly flower, &c.

And twenty fine babies all lovely and fair,
As the dew, &c.

Here! fill the goblet with Phalernian wine, And, while our monarch drinks, bid the shrill trumpet

Tell all the gods, that we propine their healths. King. Hold, Bombardinian! I esteem it fit, With so much wine, to eat a little bit.

Queen. O thanks, Mr. Cupid! for this your good news,

Gilly flower, &c.

What woman alive would such favours refuse ? While the dew, &c.

Bom. See that the table instantly be spread, With all that art and nature can produce. Traverse from pole to pole; sail round the globe, Bring every eatable that can be eat;

The king shall eat, though all mankind be starved.

Cook. I am afraid his majesty will be starved, before I can run round the world for a dinner; besides, where's the money?

[Venus and Cupid re-ascend; the Queen goes off, and the king of the Antipodes follows, walking on his hands.

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Guards, seize the villain! broil him, fry him, stew him;

Ourselves shall eat him out of mere revenge.

Cook. O, pray your majesty spare my life; there's some nice cold pork in the pantry: I'll hash it for your majesty in a minute.

Chron. Be thou first hashed in hell, audacious slave!

[Kills him, and turns to BOMBARDINIAN. Hashed pork! shall Chrononhotonthologos Be fed with swine's flesh, and at second-hand? Now, by the gods, thou dost insult us, general! Bom. The gods can witness, that I little thought

Your majesty to other flesh than this
Had aught the least propensity.

[Points to the ladies. King. Is this a dinner for a hungry monarch? Bomb. Monarchs as great as ChrononhotonHave made a very hearty meal of worse. thologos,

King. Ha! Traitor! dost thou brave me to my

teeth?

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Ha! What have I done?

Go, call a coach, and let a coach be called; And let the man that calls it be the caller; And, in his calling, let him nothing call, But coach! coach! coach! Oh! for a coach, ye gods! [Exit raving.

Returns with a Doctor.

Bom. How fares your majesty?
Doc. My lord, he's dead.

Bom. Ha! dead! impossible! it cannot be! I would not believe it, though himself should swear it.

Go, join his body to his soul again,

Or, by this light, thy soul shall quit thy body! Doc. My lord, he's far beyond the power of physic:

His soul has left his body, and this world.

Bom. Then go to the other world and fetch it
back.
[Kills him.

And, if I find thou trifles with me there,
I'll chase thy shade through myriads of orbs,
And drive thee far beyond the verge of nature.
Ha! Call'st thou, Chrononhotonthologos?
I come! your faithful Bombardinian comes!
He comes, in worlds unknown, to make new wars
And gain thee empires numerous as the stars.
[Kills himself.

Enter QUEEN and others.
Aldi. O horrid! horrible! and horridest hor-

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Has left me so; is not that a wretched thing? Tat. Why, then, dear madam! make no farther pother,

Were I your majesty, I would try another.
Queen. I think 'tis best to follow thy advice.
Tut. I'll fit you with a husband in a trice:
Here's Rigdum-Funnidos, a proper man;
If any one can please a queen, he can.

Rig. Ay, that I can, and please your majesty. So, ceremonies apart, let us proceed to business. Queen. Oh! but the mourning takes up all

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easy,

I'll have you both; and that, I hope will please ye.
And now, Tatlanthe, thou art all my care:
Where shall I find thee such another pair?
Pity that you, who've served so long, so well,
Should die a virgin, and lead apes in hell.
Choose for yourself, dear girl, our empire round,
Your portion is twelve hundred thousand pound.
Aldi, Here! take these dead and bloody corpse
away;

Make preparation for our wedding day.
Instead of sad solemnity, and black,
Our hearts shall swim in claret, and in sack.

[Exeunt omnes.

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Dood. Oh, 'tis a day

Of jubilee, cajollery;
A day we never saw before;
A day of fun and drollery.
Nood. That you may say,

Their majesties may boast of it;
And since it never can come more,
'Tis fit they make the most of it.
Dood. Oh, 'tis a day, &c.
Nood. That you may say, &c.
Dood. Sure such a day, &c.

Nood. Courtiers so gay, &c.

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While both she and Huncamunca tipple, talking Returns triumphant.-Captive giants swarm

Like bees behind his car.

Is grown bobbish and uxorious;

tawdry;

Even Mr. Sol,

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[Flourish of Trumpets.

Nood. These trumpets speak the king at le

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