ACT I. SCENE. I.-A Room in OAKLY'S House. [Noise heard within. it is so-It's monstrous, and I will not bear it. her miseries. How unfortunate a woman am I-I could die with vexation [Throwing herself into a Chair. Oak. There it is-Now dare not I stir a step further-If I offer to go, she is in one of Mrs. O. [Within] Don't tell me-I know her fits in an instant-Never sure was woman at once of so violent and so delicate a constitution! What shall I say to sooth her? [Aside]Nay, never make thyself so uneasy, my dear-Come, come, you know I love you. Mrs. O. I know you hate me; and that your unkindness and barbarity will be the death of me. [Whining Oak. Do not vex yourself at this rate-l love you most passionately-Indeed I doThis must be some mistake, Mrs. O. Say what you will, Mr. Oakly, you shall never persuade me but this is some filthy intrigue of yours. Oak. I can assure you, my love Mrs. O. Your love!-Don't I know yourTell me, I say, this instant, every circumstance relating to this letter. Oak. How can I tell you, when you will not so much as let me see it? Mrs. O. Oh, I am an unhappy woman! Oak. Dry up thy tears, my love, and be comforted! You will find that I am not to blame in this matter-Come, let me see this letter-Nay, you shall not deny me. [Takes the Letter, Mrs. O. There! take it; you know the hand, Mrs. O. Look you, Mr. Oakly, this usage is not to be borne. You take a pleasure in abusing my tenderness and soft disposition.To be perpetually running over the whole I am sure. town, nay, the whole kingdom too, in pursuit Oak. [Reads] To Charles Oakly, Esq.— of your amours! Did not I discover that Hand! 'Tis a clerk-like hand, a good round you was great with mademoiselle, my own text! and was certainly never penned by a woman?-Did not you contract a shameful fair lady. familiarity with Mrs. Freeman?-Did not I Mrs. O. Ay, laugh at me, do! detect your intrigue with lady Wealthy?- Oak. Forgive me, my love, I dit not mean Was not youto laugh at thee-But what says the letter? Oak. Oons! madam, the grand Turk him- [Reads] Daughter eloped-you must be self has not half so many mistresses-Yo throw privy to it-scandalous—dishonourable—same out of all patience-Do I know any body tisfaction-revenge-um, um, um-injured but our common friends?-Am I visited by father. HENRY RUSSET. any body that does not visit you?-Do I ever Mrs. O. [Rising] Well, sir-you see I have go out, unless you go with me?-And am I detected you-Tell me this instant where she not as constantly by your side as if I was is concealed. tied to your apron-strings? - I'm Oak. So -SO-SO -This hurts me Mrs. O. Go, go; you are a false man-Have shocked. [To himself. not I found you out a thousand times? And Mrs. O. What, are you confounded with have not I this moment a letter in my hand, your guilt? Have I caught you at last? which convinces me of your baseness?-Let Oak. O that wicked Charles! To decoy a me know the whole affair, or I will— young lady from her parents in the country! The profligacy of the young fellows of this age is abominable. [To himself. Mrs. O. [Half aside, and musing] Charles!-Let me see!-Charles!-No!-Impossible! This is all a trick. Oak. Let you know! Let me know what you would have of me You stop my letter before it comes to my hands, and then expect that I should know the contents of it! -- Mrs. O. Heaven be praised, I stopped it! I suspected some of these doings for some time past-But the letter informs me who she is, and I'll be revenged on her sufficiently. Oh, you base man, you! Oak. He has certainly ruined this poor lady. [To himself. Mrs. O. Art! art! all art! There's a sudden turn now! You have ready wit for an intri Oak. I beg, my dear, that you would mo-gue, I find. derate your passion!-Show me the letter, and I'll convince you of my innocence. Oak. Such an abandoned action! I wish I had never had the care of him. Mrs. O. Innocence!- Abonimable!-Inno- Mrs. O. Mighty fine, Mr. Oakly! Go on, cence! But I am not to be made such a fool sir, go on! I see what you mean.—Your as-I am convinced of your perfidy, and very surance provokes me beyond your very false sure thathood itself. So you imagine, sir, that this afOak. 'Sdeath and fire! your passion hurries fected concern, this flimsy pretence about you out of your senses- -Will you hear me? Charles, is to bring you off. Matchless conMrs. O. No, you are a base man: and Ifidence! But I am armed against every thing will not hear you. -I am prepared for all your dark schemes: Oak. Why then, my dear, since you will I am aware of all your low stratagems. neither talk reasonably yourself, nor listen to Oak. See there now! Was ever any thing reason from me, I shall take my leave till so provoking? To persevere in your ridicuyou are in a better humour. So your servant! lous-For heaven's sake, my dear, don't dis[Going. tract me. When you see my mind thus agi Mrs. O. Ay, go, you cruel man!-Go to tated and uneasy, that a young fellow, whom your mistresses, and leave your poor wife to his dying father, my own brother, committed to my care, should be guilty of such enor- think the whole family is made of nothing but mous wickedness; I say, when you are wit- combustibles. ness of my distress on this occasion, how can Oak. I like this emotion; it looks well: it you be weak enough and cruel enough to- may serve too to convince my wife of the Mrs. O. Prodigiously well, sir! You do it folly of her suspicions. Would to heaven I very well. Nay, keep it up, carry it on; could quiet them for ever! there's nothing like going through with it. O, Maj. O. Why pray now, my dear, naughty you artful creature! But, sir, I am not to be brother, what heinous offence have you comso easily satisfied. I do not believe a syllable mitted this morning? What new of all this - Give me the letter-[Snatches the suspicion? You have been asking one of the Letter] You shall sorely repent this vile bu- maids to mend your ruffle, I suppose, or have siness, for I am resolved that I will know the been hanging your head out at the window, bottom of it. [Exit. when a pretty young woman has passed by, cause of Oak. This is beyond all patience. Provok-oring woman! Her absurd suspicions interpret Oak. How can you trifle with my distresses, every thing the wrong way. But this ungra- major? Did not I tell you it was about a cious boy! In how many troubles will he letter? involve his own and his lady's family!-I never imagined that he was of such abandoned cumstance, to be sure! What, and the seal principles. Enter MAJOR OAKLY and CHARLES. Charles. Good morrow, sir! Maj. O. Good morrow, brother, good morrow!-What! you have been at the old work, I find. I heard you-ding! dong! i'faith! She has rung a noble peal in your ears. But how now? Why sure you've had a remarkable warm bout on't.-You seem more ruffled than usual. Maj. O. A letter!-hum-A suspicious cir a truelover's knot now, hey? or a heart transfixed with darts; or possibly the wax bore the industrious impression of a thimble; or perhaps the folds were lovingly connected by a wafer, pricked with a pin, and the direction written in a vile scrawl, and not a word spelt as it should be! ha, ha, ha! Oak. Pooh! brother - Whatever it was, the letter, you find, was for Charles, not for me this outrageous jealousy is the devil., Maj. O. Mere matrimonial blessings and domestic comfort, hrother! jealousy is a cer Oak. I am, indeed, brother! Thanks to that young gentleman there. Have a care, Charles! tain sign of love. you may be called to a severe account for Oak. Love! it is this very love that hath this. The honour of a family, sir, is no such made us both so miserable. Her love for me light matter. Charles. Sir! has confined me to my house, like a state prisoner, without the liberty of seeing my Maj. O. Hey-day! What, has a curtain lec- friends, or the use of pen, ink, and paper; ture produced a lecture of morality? What while my love for her has made such fool of me, that I have never had the spirit to contradict her. is all this? Oak. To a profligate mind, perhaps, these things may appear agreeable in the beginning. But don't you tremble at the consequences? Charles. I see, sir, that you are displeased with me; but I am quite at a loss to guess at the occasion. Oak. Tell me, sir!-where is miss Harriot Russet? Charles. Miss Harriot Russet!-Sir-Explain. Oak. Have not you decoyed her from her father? Charles. -Decoyed her-Decoyed my Harriot! I would sooner die than do her the least injury-What can this mean? Maj. O. I believe the young dog has been at her, after all. Maj. O. Ay, ay, there you've hit it, Mrs. Oakly would make an excellent wife, if you did but know how to manage her. -a Oak. You are a rare fellow indeed to talk of managing a wife-A debauched bachelor rattle-brained, rioting fellow-who have picked up your commonplace notions of women in baguios, taverns, and the camp; whose most refined commerce with the sex has been in order to delude country girls at your quarters, or to besiege the virtue of abigails, inilliners, or mantua-makers' 'prentices. Maj. O. So much the better!-so much the better! women are all alike in the main, brother, high or low, married or single, quality or Oak. I was in hopes, Charles, you had better no quality. I have found them so, from a duchess principles. But there's a letter just come from down to a milk-maid; every woman is a tyher fatherrant at the bottom. But they could never make Charles. A letter!-What letter? Dear sir, a fool of me.-No, no! no woman should give it me. Some intelligence of my Harriot, ever domineer over me, let her be mistress major! The letter, sir, the letter this mo- or wife. ment, for heaven's sake! Oak. Single men can be no judges in these Oak. If this warmth, Charles, tends to prove cases. They must happen in all families. But your innocencewhen things are driven to extremities-to see Charles. Dear sir, excuse me - I'll prove a woman in uneasiness a woman one loves any thing-Let me but see this letter, and I'll-too-one's wife-who can withstand it? You Oak. Let you see it!-I could hardly get a neither speak nor think like a man that has sight of it myself. Mrs. Oakly has it. loved and been married, major! Charles. Has she got it? Major, I'll be with Maj. O. I wish I could hear a married man you again directly. [Exit hastily speak my language-I'm a bachelor, it's true; Maj. O. Hey-day! The devil's in the boy! but I am no bad judge of your case for all What a fiery set of people! By my troth, I that. I know yours and Mrs. Oakly's dispo sition to a hair. She is all impetuosity and my study. I'll go and steal them out, while fire-a very magazine of touchwood and gun- she is busy talking with Charles. powder. You are hot enough too, upon oc- Maj. O. Steal them! for shame! Pr'ythee casion, but then it's over in an instant. In take them boldly; call for them! make them comes love and conjugal affection, as you call bring them to you here; and go out with it; that is, mere folly and weakness-and you spirit, in the face of your whole family. draw off your forces, just when you should Oak. No, no-you are wrong—let her rave pursue the attack, and follow your advantage. after I am gone, and when I return, you know, Have at her with spirit, and the day's your shall exert myself with more propriety, after own, brother. this open affront to her authority. Maj. O. Well, take your own way. Oak. Ay, ay-let me manage it, let me ma[Exil. I Oak. Why, what would you have me do? Maj. O. Do as you please for one month, whether she likes it or not: and I'll answer nage it. for it she will consent you shall do as you Maj. O. Manage it! ay, to be sure, you please all her life after. In short, do but show are a rare manager! It is dangerous, they yourself a man of spirit, leave off whining say, to meddle between man and wife. I am about love and tenderness, and nonsense, and no great favourite of Mrs. Oakly's already; the business is done, brother. and in a week's time I expect to have the door shut in my teeth. Enter CHARLES. Oak. I believe you are in the right, major! I see you are in the right. I'll do it-I'll certainly do it. But then it hurts me to the soul, to think what uneasiness I shall give her. The first opening of my design will throw her into fits, and the pursuit of it, perhaps, may be fatal. How now, Charles, what news? Charles. Oh no! Fled to avoid that hateful match with sir Harry Beagle. Maj. O. Faith, a girl of spirit; but whence comes all this intelligence? Maj. O. Fits! ha, ha, ha!-I'll engage to cure her of her fits. Nobody understands hysterical cases better than I do; besides, my sister's symptoms are not very dangerous. Did you ever hear of her falling into a fit when Charles. In an angry letter from her father you was not by?-Was she ever found in -How miserable I am! If I had not offendconvulsions in her closet?-No, no, these fits, ed my Harriot, much offended her, by that the more care you take of them, the more foolish riot and drinking at your house in the you will increase the distemper: let them country, she would certainly, at such a time, alone, and they will wear themselves out, I have taken refuge in my arms. warrant you. certainly in Maj. O. O brave! keep up this spirit, you are made for ever. and Oak. You shall see now, major!-Who's there? Enter Servant. Order the coach directly. I shall dine to-day. Maj. O. A very agreeable refuge for a young lady to be sure, and extremely decent! Charles. What a heap of extravagancies was I guilty of! Maj O. Extravagancies with a witness! Ah, you silly young dog, you would ruin yourself with her father, in spite of all I could do. There you sat, as drunk as a lord, telling the old gentleman the whole affair, and swearing you would drive sir Harry Beagle out of the country, though I kept winking and nodding, out pulling you by the sleeve, and kicking your shins under the table, in hopes of stopping you; but all to no purpose. Serv. The coach, sir?-Now, sir? Maj. O. Sirrah! do as you are bid. Bid them put to this instant. [Exit. Serv. Ye-yes, sir-yes, sir. termined. Maj. O. That's right. Oak. I am steel. Maj. O. Bravo! Oak. Adamant. Maj. O. O Bravissimo! Oak. Just what you'd have me. Charles. What distress may she be in at this instant! Alone and defenceless!—Where, where can she be? Maj. O. What relations or friends has she in town? Charles. Relations! let me see.- Faith, I have it!-If she is in town, ten to one but she is at her aunt's, lady Freelove's. I'll go thither immediately. Maj. O. Lady Freelove's! Hold, hold, Charles!-do you know her ladyship? Charles. Not much! but I'll break through all, to get to my Harriot. Maj. O. I do know her ladyship. Charles. Well, and what do you know of her? Maj. O. O, nothing!-Her ladyship is a Maj. O. Why that's well said. But will you woman of the world, that's all do it? Oak. I will. Maj. O. You won't. Charles. What do you mean? Oak. I will. I'll be a fool to her no longer. [Apart. Charles. Yes; but they were received with Maj. O. For shame! hold out, if you are the utmost contempt. The old gentleman, it a man. seems, hates a lord, and he told her so in plain terms. Oak. She has been so much vexed this morning already, I must humour her a little now. [Apart. [Apart. Maj. O. Fie! fie! go out, or you are undone. Oak. You see it's impossible.-I'll dine at Maj. O. Such an aversion to the nobility may not run in the blood. The girl, I warrant you, has no objection. However, if she's there, watch her narrowly, Charles. Lady Freelove is as mischievous as a monkey, and home with thee, as cunning too. -Have a care of her, I say, have a care of her. my love. [Apart to Mrs. Oakly. Mrs. O. Ay, ay, pray do, sir.-Dine at a [Going. Oak. [Returning] You may depend on me another time, major. Charles. If she's there, I'll have her out of tavern indeed! the house within this half hour, or set fire to it. Maj. O. Nay, now you are too violentstay a moment, and we'll consider what's best to be done. Enter OAKLY. Oak. Come, is the coach ready? Let us be gone. Does Charles go with us? Charles. I go with you!-What can I do? I am so vexed and distracted, and so many thoughts crowd in upon me, I don't know which way to turn myself. Mrs. O. [Vithin] The coach!-dines out! -where is your master? Oak. Zounds, brother! here she is! Re-enter MRS. OAKLY. Mrs. O. Pray, Mr. Oakly, what is the matter you cannot dine at home to-day? Oak. Don't be uneasy, my dear!-I have a little business to settle with my brother; so I am only just going to dinner, with him and Charles, to the tavern, Mrs. O. Why cannot you settle your business here, as well as at a tavern? but it is some of your ladies' business, I suppose, and So you must get rid of my company.-This is chiefly your fault, major Oakly! Maj. O. Steel and adamant!—Ah! Oak. O, my dear! [Exit, with Mrs. Oakly. Maj. O. Ha, ha, ha! there's a picture of resolution! there goes a philosopher for you! ha! Charles! Charles. O, uncle! I have no spirits to laugh now. Maj. O. So! I have a fine time on't between you and my brother. Will you meet me to dinner at the St. Albans by four? We'll drink her health. and think of this affair. Charles. Don't depend on me. I shall be running all over the town, in pursuit of my Harriol; at all events I'll go directly to lady Freelove's. If I find her not there, which way I shall direct myself, heaven knows. Maj. O. Harkye, Charles! If you meet with her, you may be at a loss. Bring her to my house; I have a snug room, and Charles. Phoo! Pr'ythee, uncle, don't triffle with me now. Maj. O. Well, seriously then, my house is at your service. Charles. I thank you; but I must be gone. Maj. O. Ay, ay, bring her to my house, Maj. O. Lord, sister, what signifies it, whether and we'll settle the whole affair for you. You a man dines at home or abroad? [Coolly shall clap her into a post-chaise, take the Mrs. O. It signifies a great deal, sir! and chaplain of our regiment along with you, I don't choosewheel her down to Scotland 1), and when you Maj. O. Phoo! let him go, my dear sister, come back, send to settle her fortune with let him go! he will be ten times better com- her father; that's the modern art of making pany when he comes back. I tell you what, love, Charles! sister-you sit a home till you are quite tired of one another, and then you grow cross, ACT II. [Exeunt. and fall out. If you would but part a little SCENE I.-A Room in the Bull and Gate Inn. now and then, you might meet again in humour. Enter SIR HARRY BEAGLE 2) and Toм. Mrs. O. I beg, major Oakly, that you would trouble yourself about your own affairs; and the man? hey, Tom! let me tell you, sir, that I— Oak. Nay, do not put thyself into a passion with the major, my dear! It is not his fault; is and I shall come back to thee very soon. Mrs. O. Come back;-why need you go out? I know well enough when you mean to deceive me; for then there is always a pretence of dining with sir John, or my lord, or somebody; but when you tell me that you are going to a tavern, it's such a bare-faced affront Oak. This is so strange now!-Why, my dear, I shall only just Mrs. O. Only just go after the lady in the letter, I suppose. Oak. Well, well, I won't go then.-Will that convince you? I'll stay with you, my dear. Will that satisfy you? Tom. Yes, your honour. Sir H. And are you sure, Tom, that there no flaw in his blood? Tom. He's a good thing, sir, and as little beholden to the ground, as any horse that 1) A spirited girl in England, when opposed in her choice of a husband by her parents, used to make nothing of agreeing with her lover to set off with him to Gretna Green (on the borders of Scotland), to get married; but now this custom is abolished, and the blacksmith who used to perform the marriage ceremony has been forbidden to act, since Lord E-took his flight towards those regions on the same errand; so that, now the lovers are obliged to have the ceremony performed in a boat on the river there, and this marriage is perfectly valid. 2) We have an excellent specimen, in sir H. Beagle, of one of our racing and fox-hunting country-squires; as he speaks entirely in the language of the turf (raceground), some of his sporting terms require an explanation. ever went over the turf upon four legs. Why I lose my match with lord Chokejade, by not here's his whole pedigree, 1) your honour! riding myself, and I shall have no opportunity Sir H. Is it attested? to hedge 1) my bets neither-what a damned Tom. Very well attested; it is signed by piece of work have I made on't—I have knocked Jack Spur and my lord Startal. up poor Snip, shall lose my match, and as to [Giving the Pedigree. Harriot, why the odds are that I lose my Sir H. Let me see. [Reads] Tom-come-match there too-a skittish young tit! 2) If I tickle-me was out of the famous Tantivy once get her tight in hand, I'll make her mare, by sir Aaron Driver's chesnut hors, wince for it. Her estate, joined to my own, White Stockings. White Stockings, his dam, I would have the finest stud and the noblest was got by lord Hedge's South Barb, full kennel in the whole country.-But here comes sister to the Proserpine Filly, and his sire her father, puffing and blowing, like a brokenTom Jones; his grandam was the Irish winded horse up hill. Duchess, and his grandsire Squire Sportley's Trajan; his great and great great grandam were Newmarket Peggy and Black Enter RUSSet. Rus. Well, sir Harry, have you heard any Moll; and his great grandsire, and great thing of her? great grandsire, were sir Ralph Whip's Sir H. Yes, I have been asking Tom about Regulus, and the famous Prince Anamaboo. her, and he says you may have her for five hundred guineas. his JOHN SPUR. mark. STARTAL. Rus. Five hundred guineas! how d'ye mean? where is she? which way did she take? Sir H. Why, first she went to Epsom, then to Lincoln, then to Nottingham, and now she at York. Tom. All fine horses, and won every thing! a foal out of your honour's bald-fac'd Venus, is by this horse, would beat the world. you talking of? Rus. Impossible! she could not go over hall Sir H. Well then, we'll think on't. But, the ground in the time. What the devil are plague on't, Tom, I have certainly knocked up my little roan gelding in this damn'd wildgoose chase of threescore miles an end. 2) Tom. He's deadly blown, to be sure, your honour; and I am afraid we are upon a wrong scent after all. Madam Harriot certainly took across the country, instead of coming on to London. Sir H. Ŏf the mare you was just now saying you wanted to buy. Rus. The devil take the mare!-who would think of her, when I am mad about an affair of so much more consequence? Sir H. You seemed mad about her a little while ago. She's a fine mare, and a thing of shape and blood. Rus. Damn her blood!-Harriot! my dear, provoking Harriot! Where can she be? Have you got any intelligence of her? Sir H. No, no, we traced her all the way up. But d'ye hear, Tom, look out among the stables and repositories here in town, for a smart road nag, and a strong horse to carry a portmanteau. Sir H. No, faith, not I: we seem to be Tom. Sir Roger Turf's horses are to be quite thrown out 3) here — but, however, I sold—I'll see if there's ever a tight thing there have ordered Tom to try if he can hear any -but I suppose, sir, you would have one thing of her among the ostlers. somewhat stronger than Snip-I don't think Rus. Why don't you inquire after her yourhe's quite enough of a horse for your honour. self? why don't you run up and down the Sir H. Not enough of a horse! Snip's a whole town after her?-t'other young rascal powerful gelding; master of two stone more knows where she is, I warrant you. - What than my weight. If Snip stands sound, a plague it is to have a daughter! When one would not take a hundred guineas for him. loves her to distraction, and has toiled and Poor Snip! go into the stable, Tom, see they laboured to make her happy, the ungrateful give him a warm mash, and look at his heels slut will sooner go to hell her own wayand his eyes. But where's Mr. Russet all but she shall have him-I will make her happy, if I break her heart for it.—A provoking gipsy to run away, and torment her poor father, that dotes on her! I'll never see her face again.-Sir Harry, how can we get any intelligence of her? Why don't you speak? why don't you tell me?-Zounds! you seem as indifferent as if you did not care a farthing about her. this while? Tom. I left the squire at breakfast on a cold pigeon pie, and inquiring after madam Harriot, in the kitchen. I'll let him know your honour would be glad to see him here. Sir H. Ay, do; but harkye, Tom, be sure you take care of Snip. Tom. I'll warrant your honour. Sir H. I'll be down in the stables myself Sir H. Indifferent! you may well call me by-and-by. [Exit Tom] Let me see- out of indifferent!-this damned chase after her will the famous Tantwivy by White Stockings; cost me a thousand if it had not been for White Stockings, his dam, full sister to the her, I would not have been off the course *) Proserpine Filly; and his sire-pox on't, how this week to have saved the lives of my whole unlucky it is that this damned accident should family-I'll hold you six to two that— happen in the Newmarket week!-ten to one 1) The pedigree of a horse, is as religiously kept as that of any ancient family in Wales, or rather as the same is done among the Arabians, where as in England the blood proves the goodness of the horse; and the names given to the horses are sometimes not a little singular. 2) Without stopping. Rus. Zounds! hold your tongue, or talk 1) To draw back. 2) An unmanageable little horse. 5) When the dogs have lost the scent, in fex-hunting, they are said to be thrown out. The fox, when hard pursued, will run into a herd of deer, or a flock of sheep, jump over a wall, any thing to put the dos out. 4) The race-ground at Newmarket or otherwise. |