To find a cause, a diagnosis make,

To think what these queer feelings might portend,
To plan a line of treatment. But my mind
Incapable of action seemed; I felt

An utter helplessness, and realized
That I was powerless to aid myself.

While thus I lay, a frightful wave of fear
Swept over me; my mind became alert,
My senses keen, my pulses quick; the air
Seemed charged with something supernatural.
'Twas chill and dark; no sound I heard, no voice
Had called me, yet instinctively I felt

The presence of some being in my room,

The awful nearness of a spectral form.

My straining eyes soon sought the creature out:
It stood at my right side clothed all in white,
And with extended hand, beckoned me to come.
So horrified was I that I was cold

And paralyzed. Th' approaching hand seized mine,
And in a moment all my fear was gone;

My weakness disappeared, and though my frame
Was racked with pain, I instantly arose.

I dressed in haste, while my strange visitor
Remained in silence; then he led me forth.
We hurried from the quiet house, and out
Upon the deserted street. On, on we went;
The city's lights were left behind; our pace
Grew faster rapidly, until we seemed
To travel with the speed of lightning,
Unhampered by restrictions of the flesh.

O'er lands and seas, through wilds and wastes we sped,
The darkness growing deeper all the while;
Then left earth's bounds, and took our hurried flight
Through endless space toward some far distant shore.
All sense of time and space was lost; I feared

That an eternal journey had begun,

'Till presently the gloom became less dense; Our rapid pace grew slower; suddenly

The darkness vanished, and we came to rest

Before a gate set in a massive wall.

While thus we stood, I courage took to ask

My guide what place this was, and who dwelt here.

"My son," he said in a sepulchral voice,

"This wall surrounds the Doctor's Paradise;

Within you shall find ease from your distress,
And ere you leave, a full return to health.
Your treatment may seem harsh, the way be long,
The methods unaccountable, the progress slow;

But be assured that with returning health
A lesson you shall learn of priceless worth."
My guide a signal gave; a voice within
Demanded, "Give the password." Instantly,
"Necessitas Non Habet Legem" came

In voice of thunder from him at my side.
The gate swung wide, the guardian bade us come;
A mighty welcoming chorus filled the air
Which echoed and re-echoed, as we passed
The entrance into Doctor's Paradise.

I looked about. A vast and level plain
Spread out before me, all enclosed by walls;
And in the foreground, a tremendous mass
Of beings crowded toward me. Farther out

There was a gathering of less extent
Which was approaching; and on every hand
Were crowds of varied sizes, each in haste

To get as near as possible to me.

Beyond all these, I saw a countless throng
Extending to the plain's remotest bounds,
Which stealthily advanced. The eyes of all
Were fixed upon me in an eager gaze,
Full of expectancy, as though they longed
To seize upon me as their lawful prey.

Each group remained distinct, and distance kept
Between itself and those around, and each
Seemed jealous of its rights. On every side,
By threatening gesture, scornful shrug, and glance
Of ill-concealed disdain, 'twas evident

That there existed bitter rivalry.

While deep I pondered on this wondrous scene, My guide spoke thus: "My son, you seek relief From your distress; all these who come

Desire to help you, and to work a cure

Upon you. Though their methods vary much,
Their object is the same. This largest crowd

As Allopaths,' or 'Regulars,' was known

When on the earth. The chiefest place they claim, And hold by right of eminent domain

And strength of numbers. Jealously they guard

Their points of vantage, and their interests
Protect with never failing vigilance.
The leaders of the noble healing art

In every age, and the vast progress made
In medicine and surgery, they hold

As largely theirs. The group beyond is formed.
Of those who practiced homœopathy;
Direct descent from the same heritage
As Allopaths they claim, and credit take
For generous share in the development
Of modern practice. Strongly they assert
That Hahnemann expounded a new law
Of healing, which they follow, adding this
To all that's useful in the other school.
These smaller groups, in their terrestrial state,
Were called 'Eclectics,'' Christian Scientists,'
'Mechano-Therapists,' and 'Osteopaths,'

'New Thoughtists,'' Divine Healers,'' Hydropaths,'
And other paths' ad infinitum. Each
Its own peculiar methods used, and each
Claimed that its form of practice was the best
To overcome the ills of all mankind.

The mighty throng which you observe beyond

Is formed of those who, when on earth, were known
As 'quacks,' or 'charlatans,' 'irregulars ';
And these were frowned upon by all the rest.
Go forward now upon your tortuous course;
No lasting harm can come to you while here:
Whate'r befalls you shall be for your good,
So do not fear, and well your lesson learn."

My guide ceased speaking; when I turned to look, I found that he had vanished. I began

Involuntarily to move ahead

Toward the expectant creatures in my path.

They seized me, stripped me, laid me quickly down; Percussed and auscultated every inch

Of my anatomy; examined close

My eyes and ears, my nose and throat and tongue,

My chest and abdomen, and every nook

And cranny of my being. Then by tests

Of temperature and pressure, pain and touch,
Reflexes, fæces, sputum, urine, blood,
My spinal fluid, stomach contents, teeth,
Mentality, digestion, taste and smell,
And many other things inside and out,

They sought to find the cause of my distress.

No end there seemed to questions which they asked.
Into my past they delved with tireless zeal,
Extracting knowledge of my ancestors
Of every sort for generations back.
My parents were minutely analyzed
And all my dead and living relatives
Were thoroughly discussed. My early life,
From fœtal stage, through infancy to youth,
Seemed of much interest. My previous ills,
My hopes and fears, my deeds both good and bad,
And all my tendencies and ways of life

Were asked about in infinite detail.

To make my case complete and record full,
The specialists of every grade and kind

Went through and over me; and surgeons made
Exploratory cuts from head to foot,
Removing sections for the microscope,
Together with my spleen, appendix, glands,
Tonsils and adenoids, and other things
Which might, perchance, prove pathological.

At last, when every test had been applied,
And each had formed his judgment of my case,
They held a solemn council, and discussed
The question of my illness long and loud.
Then presently a shout of triumph rose;
A diagnosis they had made at last,
All doubts had vanished, and a name applied
To my disease, they all seemed satisfied.
They gave me physic in such liberal dose
That I was greatly moved, and sedatives
To make me comfortable; then bade me go,
And use expectant treatment as required.
I started on, much comforted in mind

To think they knew what ailed me; but I still
Felt far from well, and while some pains were gone,
New symptoms seemed to rack my tortured form.

I had not traveled far, when from all sides
The Homœopaths appeared and quickly took
Possession of me. They examined me

By the same methods which the others used:
The specialists and surgeons took their turns,
Completing each his task with thoroughness;
And several of my organs which escaped

The Allopaths were deftly taken out.

They questioned me at length about the past;
But chiefly for my present grievous state

They seemed concerned. They asked in great detail
About my every feeling, thought and wish;

If I was worse at two o'clock A.M.,

Or after noon, or when the wind was west;
If pains shot in, or out, or up, or down;
If motion made them worse, or rest increased
Their violence; and as to whether warmth.
Or cold produced an aggravated state.
They gave me medicine in every form
From tinctures to the highest potencies,
And closely watched for provings, all the while
Upon each other trying out the drugs.
Volumes were written on my case, and all
Authorities consulted that were known.
At length they held a conclave, and ere long
Had come to a decision. Then there rose
This joyous pean which resounded far,
"We've found the indicated remedy."
They gave me a supply of this proved drug
And sent me forth. But I was not yet well;
I felt the need of further treatment, and
With willingness awaited what should come.

Time fails to tell in detail what befell
As slowly I passed on from group to group:
How Osteopaths, with superhuman strength,
Manipulated all my aching bones,

Pulling my legs and arms, my creaking joints
Twisting and jerking 'till they almost snapped:
How Hydropaths, with water hot and cold,
Internal and external, drowned me out:
How Christian Scientists their practice tried,
Giving me absent treatments, interspersed
With good advice, and readings from their book,
Together with choice scripture passages,

Maintaining all the while a placid calm
And talking in an optimistic vein:

How I was prayed with, sworn at, hypnotized,
Vibrated, radiated, magnetized;

Electrified with currents of all kinds;

Rested and worked, toned up, reduced, X-rayed,
Physicked and drugged by every method known;
Dieted, starved and fed; injected full