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was not one of them who did not think the new blemish, as soon as the had got it into her pofferfion, much more disagreeable than the old one. 'I made the same observation on every other misfortune or calamity, which every one in the assembly brought upon himself in lieu of what he had parted with; whether it be that all the evils which befal us are in some measure suited and proportioned to our strength, or that every evil becomes more fupportable by our being used to it, I shall not determine.
I could not for my heart forbear pitying the poor hump-backed gentleman mentioned in the former paper, who went off a very well-shaped person with a stone in his bladder; nor the fine gentleman who had ftruck up this bargain with him, that limped through a whole affembly of ladies, who use to admire him, with a pair of shoulders peeping over his head.
I must not omit my own particular adventure. My friend with the long visage had no fooner taken upon him my short face, but he made fuch a grotesque figure in it, that as I looked upon him I could not forbear laughing at myself, infomuch that I put my own face out of countenance. The poor gentlemen was fo fenfible of the ridicule, that I found he was ashamed of what he had done : On the other fide, I found that I myself had no great reason to triumph, for as I went to touch my forehead, I missed the place, and clapped my finger upon my upper lip. Besides, as my nose was exceeding prominent, I gave it two or three unlucky knocks as I was playing my hand about my face, and aiming at some other part of it. I saw two other gentlemen by me, who were in the same ridiculous circumstances. These had made a foolish fwop between a couple of thick bandy legs and two long trapsticks that had no calfs to them. One of these looked like a man walking upon stilts, and
was so lifted up into the air, above his ordinary height, that his head turned round with it, while the other made such aukward circles, as they attempted to walk, that he scarce knew how to move forward upon his new supporters : Observing him to be a pleasant kind of fellow, I ftuck my cane in the ground, and told him I would lay hiin a bottle of wine, that he did not inarch up to it on a line that I drew for him, in a quarter
of an hour. The heap was at last distributed among the two sexes, who made a moft pitious fight, as they wandered up and down under the pressure of their se. veral burdens. The whole plain was filled with murmurs and complaints, groans, and lamentations. Jupiter at length, taking compassion on the poor mortals, ordered them a second time to lay down their loads, with a design to give every one his own again. They discharged themselves with a great deal of pleasure ; after which the phantom, who had led them into such gross delusions, was commanded to disappear. There was sent in her stead a goddess of a quite different figure : Her motions were steady and composed, and her aspect serious but cheerful. She every now and then cast her eyes towards heaven, and fixed them upon Jupiter: Her name was Patience. She had no sooner placed herself by the mount of forrows, but what I thought very remarkable, the whole heap sunk to such a degree, that it did not appear a third part so big as ic was before.
She afterwards returned every man his own proper calamity, and teaching him how to bear it in the most commodious manner, he marched off with it contentedly, being very well pleased that he had not been left to his own choice, as to the kind of evils which fell to his lot.
Besides the several pieces of morality to be drawn out of this vision, I learned from it, never to repine at my own misfortunes, or to envy the happiness of another, fince it is impoffible for any man VOL, VIII,
to form a right judgment of his neighbours sufferings; for which reason also I have determined never to think too lightly of another's complaints, but to regard the sorrows of my fellow-creatures with Sentiments of humanity and compassion.
N° 560. MONDAY, JUNE 28.
Verba intermissa retentat.
Ovid. Met. 1. i. ver. 746.
who, according to the opinion of the vulgar, has studied himself dumb; for which reason, as it is believed, he delivers out all his oracles in writing. Be that as it will, the blind Tiresias was not more famous in Greece, than this dumb artist has been for fome years last part, in the cities of London and l'estminster. Thus much for the profound gentleman who honours me with the following epiftle. Sir,
From my Cell, June 24, 1714. : BEING
EING informed that you have larely got the
use of your tongue, I have some thoughts of ' following your example, that I may be a Fortune* teller, properly speaking. I am grown weary
of my taciturnity, and having served my country
many years under the title of the Dumb Doctor, • I shall now .prophely by word of mouth, and (as Mr. Lee fays of the Magpy, who you know was a great fortune-teiler among the ancients) chatter futurity. I have hitherto chosen to receive que
stions and return answers in writing, that I might « avoid the tediousnels and trouble of debates, my
querists being generally of an humour to think, • that they have never predictions enough for their
money. In short, Sir, my case has been something • like that of those discreet animals the monkeys, (who, a's the Indians tell us, can speak if they
would, but purposely avoid it that they may not • be made to work. I have hitherto gained a
livelihood by holding my tongue, but fhall now
open my mouth in order to fill it. If I appear a • little word-bound in my first folutions and respon« fes I hope it will not be imputed to any want of • foresight, but to the long disuse of fpeech. I « doubt not by this invention to have all my
former customers over again; for if I have promised any • of them lovers or husbands, riches or good luck,
it is my design to confirm to them viva voce, what · I have already given them under my hand. If you
will honour me with a visit, I will compliment ' you with the first opening of my mouth, and if
you please you may make an entertaining dialogue
out of the conversation of two dumb men. Ex•cuse this trouble, worthy Sir, from one who has • been a long time
• Your filent admirer,
. CORNELIUS AGRIPPA.' I have received the following letter, or rather Billet-doux, from a pert young baggage, who congratulates with me upon the same occasion.
• Dear Mr. PRAT-APACE, June 23, 1714. I
Am a member of a female society who call
ourselves the Chit-Chat club, and am ordered by the whole sisterhood to congratulate you upon the • use of your tongue. We have all of us a mighty % mind to hear you talk, and if you will take your • place among us for an evening, we have unani. mously agreed to allow you one minute in ten, ( without interruption.
** I am,
• Your humble servant,
• S. T.:
P.S. ' You may find us at my Lady Betty Clack's, I who will leave orders with her porter, that if an ela • derly gentleman, with a sbort face, inquires for her, • he shall be admitted, and no questions asked.
As this particular paper shall confist wholly of what I have received from my correspondents, I thall fill up the remaining part of it with other congratulatory letters of the same nature.
Oxford, June 25, 1714. TE are here wonderfully pleased with the o
pening of your mouth, and very frequently open ours in approbation of your delign ; especially since we find you are resolved to preserve your taciturnity as to all party-matters. We do not question but you are as great an orator as Sir Hudibras, of whom the Poet sweetly fings,
-He could not ope His mouth, but out there flew a trope. 6. If you will send us down the half-dozen well • turned periods, that produced such dismal effects • in your muscles we will deposit them near an old
manufcript of Tully's orations, among the archives • of the university ; for we all agree with you, • that there is not a more remarkable accident re• corded in hiftory, fince that which happened to
the son of Croefus ; nay, I believe you might have
gone higher, and have added Balaam's Afs. We • are impatient to see more of your productions, • and expect what words will next fall from you,
with as much attention as those who were set to .. watch the speaking head, which Frier Bacon for, merly erected in this place. We are
• B. R. T.D, &c,