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smiles on every part of the room;--- there is a sober matron extracting thoughts from her kid gloves, while near her is a tabby old maid, criticising bonnets, and almost throttling her snarling pug-dog dragged behind her; besides all these, there are your fops peeping from their collars, snug apprentices oblivious of the counter, natty little red-coats, whose valour is in their whiskers, with a few fifties of greyheaded bachelors, shaking their musical heads, and beating time with their crutches. Let me see;---I have forgot to mention, that the day after your arrival you must deposit your appellative consequence in the " Arrival Book," kept here; and, as the finale, display your ruffles in the Octagon Chapel on the Sunday after, and drop your sovereign in the silver plate of charity.

If I remember rightly, you are partial to moonlit scenes would that you were with me sometimes!-Bath is enchantingly beautiful when slumbering beneath the mellow moon beams; it appears quite a creation of fancy. I have walked the city at midnight, sought out the most retired spots, looked round me till every feeling softened with the scene, thought on olden times, gazed on the star-gemmed hemisphere above, and-forgive me if I appear vainly romantic---have indeed felt, that when nature is sublime, the soul may feel so, too. It is quite beyond me adequately to describe the serene beauty that mantles over every street, at such an hour, The stony harshness of the buildings seems mellowed away; the gradual elevation of the town is increased in picturesque; the windows gleam like a rippled stream beneath the sun, and the peculiar grandeur of the whole town is increased; to use Southey's words, "it comes on the heart." I am aware all towns are interesting by moonlight; but Bath, I imagine, is scarcely equalled, in this respect. The banks of the Avon, too, are delightful at this time. The margin verdure of the river, silvered with gleaming dew, the broken moon beams playing beneath the drooping willows, and the placid, whispering current of the stream, all are bewitching, and linger on the memory after years of absence.

It is to be regretted that Bath is far from being well lighted; many of its principal streets are gas-less. This deficiency is attributed by the town to the neglect of the corporation, who, owing to many complicated causes, are frowned on by the natives. They, it appears, dislike them, partly, because they are all of the medical profession. But surely gallipots are no hinderance to the distribution of justice. Besides, they cannot fail to be well acquainted with the BODY of the people: "But how do you spend your evenings in "Bath?" I think I hear you ask me. There are the theatre, the concert, and the " rooms; "these constitute the principal night resorts. But, before I conduct you to these, I must mention, that Bath is remarkable for what are denominated" evening parties" and "routes." If you are any thing approaching to the gentleman, can sing well" Oft in the stilly night," lisp delicious nothings round a card table, or gently swim the mazes of a quadrille, you may

*We thought no dogs were admitted in the Bath Pump-room.---Edit.

always obtain an "evening engagement." People are remarkably sociable here, from the Crescent down to Avon Street. We have no hackney coaches, but a square leather-robed box, known by the name of a sedan, in their place. These fly about the town in all directions, and give your whole frame a jolt equally as pleasing as any market woman's grey mare. The Bath theatre is the most elegant one in the kingdom, out of London; for comfort, I prefer it to either of the London ones. Its size is just what it should be, suited to the audience, and effective for the actors. The Bath stage has ever been a genial nurse, as it were, for the metropolitan theatres : it is well known that here Mrs. Siddons first glimmered above the horizon of provincial obscurity. The dress boxes, allowing for all degeneracies, generally present a more select company than those in Drury Lane. Sometimes, notwithstanding the Argus-eyed vigilance of the boxkeepers, &c. a few greasy tax-gatherers, and hoc genus omne, will show their "diminished heads;" but they are marked men by the PITTITES; the smiling surprise of many a trading acquaintance is a thorn to their would-be importance. As for London, selection there is quite out of the case. Gracious heavens! what a set of low-bred minions will creep into the lower row!-A frowsy grocer, scented like a goat, fills up one front seat; a haberdasher's shutterpresident fingers his watch chain in another; printers of quartos, with the whole "posse comitatus," pour their vulgar colloquies round the whole theatre; and, as if to show the vast stretching powers of consummate impudence, a champaigne-puffer, and his furbisher of lying minstrelsy, are seated with the hauteur of monarchs-hear it! in the stage box!!-This is not the case at Bath; and the contrast is somewhat creditable to the sense of the inhabitants. True, ours is a land of freedom; but does it follow, that it must therefore be land of presumption?-Let us pray that it may not be so, at any rate, till Mr. Brougham's philosophy has given the "upper orders a lift from "the toes of their inferiors." I cannot say much in praise of the regular Thespian company here: they are not such as Bath had, when Warde, Conway, &c. &c. &c. played for a scason's engagement. We have, occasionally, however, considerable novelties. or stars, if you prefer the expression, from London. That highlypolished actress, Miss Jarman, has been here; her Mary Stuart is an admirable performance. Bartley, from the English Opera, is amusing us at present; his comic powers are great, and totally divested of any Listonism in the modification of the features, in the dumb trickery of the body, and crook-backed gawkishness.

Beau Nash, bashlessly puppyish as he was, threw a halo of splendor around the Rooms (subaudi, assembly,) that still encircles them. He certainly was one of those mirrors of fashion, and spotless servitors of etiquette, who are born for the exercise of presuming talents devoted to the exaltation of elegant fripperies. His was the philosophy of silk stockings, and ball room dependencies: he was a sort of man milliner for peeresses, and lived at once the idol of the great, and the envied lordling of anxious upstarts. To this day, his laws

VOL. II.

2 R

are in action; like Lycurgus, they will" govern the STATE many years "after his death;"---but enough of Beau Nash. The Bath Assembly Rooms, are" Almack's in miniature;" the Rooms themselves are superbly fitted up in every respect, and claimed a high compliment from Queen Charlotte: but these Rooms differ in the regulations of admittance from "Almack's." The lady patronesses of the latter, you are aware, look to the pedigree before you enter the precincts of their reign*; should it be proved that your grandmother's third cousin three centuries back" had an affair with an agreeable footman," odi profanum vulgus!! Money and style are the keys to unlock the doors of the Bath Assemblies: the Master of the Ceremonies never asks what arms your family quarters. Dress well, look well, strut well, and dance well, and "all's well." And yet there are many of the noblest scions of ancient families occasionally here; and the whole assembly, " take "it all in all," is a brilliant one. Of course, the congregated fashionables are characterized by the same features as those elsewhere: the ball room is richly illumined with a gorgeous chandelier, the floor circles aptly flowered, the music pours its swelling melody along the company, the Master of Ceremonies directs and procures partners— the meek quadrille conductress arranges the toes of awkwardness, and then the whole room seems to bound with exhilaration: 'tis a glorious room for sympathizing with the feet---it is more amusing to walk about as overseer, than join the dance. What arts and, pooh! -what husbanding-hunting misses and mamma-propensities-what germing little great men and periwigged dolts, mingled with flirts, prudes, and blue stockings--are now engaged at their diverse operations! God speed them, say I! a private party is immeasurably more gratifying in the one, rivalship puts on a hard constrained etiquette, and sinuous vanity is tortured with its own contrivances: in the other, there is frank good fellowship and a temporary unison of hearts. I have nothing to remark on the concerts-I suppose these must be good, since little but Italian airs are piped at them: it may be want of taste, or want of any thing you please, but I cannot, let me try as I will, feel any associations or kindling raptures in the bravuras, &c. of Italy; they seem to me a maze of rounds only suited to the fine practised ear of a musician: I have much to say on this agreeable topic,--but I hear the impatient ring of the postman, and smell the savoury perfumes of approaching dinner. So, dear coz, farewell. May 1827 bear you joyously through its course, and greet you at its close, as happy as is the sincere wish of, &c. &c. QUI QUON DAM.

• We don't believe a word of this. (EDIT.)

RETALIATION.

A PROVINCIAL TALE.

""
BY THE LITTLE UNKNOWN."

A few years since, at some provincial college, (Places which always rhyme, if nothing else, with knowledge) A wight was educated, whose discerning,

When added to an extraordinary mass of learning,

Distinguished him on every occasion,

As worthy of a first-rate situation,

Above his fellow scholars, and his fellow men,
Thus thought a genius-ergo, he grew lazy,
Ergo, grew poor-what then?

Prest by privation,

Ergo, he grew crazy.

He'd strut about the street sometimes, and speak,
In English incoherently, 'tis true;

But in the learned languages, Latin and Greek,
His wits were sound again; and well he knew
How to interpret them in darkest mood,
And prove in answering that he understood.
Thus thro' his madness sometimes shone
A glance of wit,

Like light thro' darkness; and for one,
Witness the following hit.

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One day, while raining fast as it could pour,
The shopman, standing just within his door,
Perceived our crazy scholar passing by,
With not a thread upon him dry.

Not wet himself-wishing to have some sport,
And scholar-like retort,

He hailed him in the Latin tongue,

And flung

A query, which, to those who do not know,

Is rendered into English just below.

Cocknice.

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The crazed man turned, and flung a huge stone, dashing
Thro' window panes, producing direful crashing;

And further gave his tit for tat, in
The following doggrel Latin:
Fregi tot,

Nescio quot,

Scisne tu?

A heap of things are gone to pot,
How many truly I know not,
Pray, sir, do you?

JOB JELLICOE.

For some years previous to my acquaintance with my very worthy friend Job, I was in the habit of reflecting upon the constitution of society, and the proceedings arising therefrom, but never was able to account for the increase of irritability and astounding decrease of patience, until the appearance of the aforesaid luminary in the hemisphere of my acquaintance. My friend Job, my dear friend Job, whose character and nature do not differ very widely from the idea generally associated with his name, is justly considered a prodigy. Many conjectures are afloat respecting this singular coincidence. Some say he has been christened since his good habits have been formed; but others, less hard of belief, tell us, that his parents were celebrated conjurors, and foresaw from his dawning intellect the dazzling meridian of their son's greatness, and with the assistance of a little predestination, ordained that this their darling should inherit the highest and most valuable of all the Cardinal virtues : others asserted, that his fine Grecian countenance indicated something more than belonged to human nature-yet in the womb of time yet inexplicable. Others, who were reputed craniologists, or phrenologists, discovered various remarkably prominent bumps, and among the rest, one they designated a "Monopolizer of Stupidity," which so irritated his parents, that a three-legged stool was dispatched at the daring professor's pericranium, who luckily stepped aside, and let it pass to poor Job at the window, when, unfortunately, one of its legs knocked a hole through the glass, while the other two condensed and amalgamated the organs of stupidity and somnambulism, thus forming the character and composition of our patient hero's upper apartments.

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However, from what cause or other he was named, I can affirm he has been correctly named, and probably by one either endowed with the spirit of prophecy, or the power of predestination. So

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