confonant to direct us. -Your humble fervant, Sir! Upon which he flung himself back in his chair after a contemptuous manner, and fmiled upon the other lethargic gentleman on his left hand, who I found was his great admirer. The whig, however, had begun to conceive a good-will towards me, and feeing my pipe out, very generously offered me the ufe of his box; but I declined it with great civility, being obliged to meet a friend about that time in another quarter of the city. At my leaving the coffee-houfe, I could not forbear reflecting with myfelf upon that grofs tribe of fools who may be termed the over-wife, and upon the difficulty of writing any thing in this cenforious age, which a weak head may not conftrue into private fatire and perfonal reflection. A man who has a good nofe at an inuendo, fmells treafon and fedition in the most innocent words that can be put together, and never fees a vice or folly ftigmatized, but finds out one or other of his acquaintance pointed at by the writer. Iremember an empty pragmatical fellow in the country, who, upon reading over The Whole Duty of Man, had written the names of feveral perfons in the village at the fide of every fin which is mentioned by that excellent author; fo that he had converted one of the best books in the world into a libel + a libel against the fquire, church-wardens, overfeers of the poor, and all other the most confiderable perfons in the parish. This book with thefe extraordinary marginal notes fell accidentally into the hands of one who had never seen it before; upon which there arose a current report, that fome body had written a book against the fquire and the whole parish. The minifter of the place having at that time a controverfy with fome of his congregation, upon account of his tithes, was under fome fufpicion of being the author, until the good man fet the people right, by fhewing them that the fatirical paffages might be applied to feveral others of two or three neighbouring villages, and that the book was writ against all the finners in England. ***************✪✪✪✪✪✪✪ MONDAY, JULY 19. No 569. Reges dicuntur multis urgere culullis Et torquere mero, quem perfpexiffe laborent, HOR. Ars Poet. ver. 434 Wife were the kings, who never chose a friend, Till with full cups they had unmask'd his foul, And feen the bottom of his deepest thoughts. ROSCOMMON. No vives are fo incurable as those which men are One would wonder how apt to glory in, drunkennefs fhould have the good luck to be of this number. Anarcharfis, being invited to a drinking-match at Corinth, demanded the prize very humouroufly, because he was drunk before any of the reft of the company: For, fays he, when we run a race, he who arrives at the gaol first is intitled to the reward: On the contrary, in this thirfty gene. ration, the honour falls upon him who carries off the the greateft quantity of liquor, and knocks down the reft of the company. I was the other day with honeft Will Funnel the Weft-Saxon, who was reckoning up how much liquor had paft through him in the last twenty years of his life, which, according to his computation, amounted to twenty-three hogfheads of October, four tons of port, half a · kilderkin of fmall beer, nineteen barrels of cyder, and three glaffes of champagne; befides which he had affifted at four hundred bowls of punch, not to mention fips, drams, and whets without number. I queftion not but every reader's memory will fuggeft to him feveral ambitious young men, who are as vain in this particular as Will Funnel, and can boaft of as glorious exploits. Our modern philofophers obferve, that there is a general decay of moisture in the globe of the. earth. This they chiefly afcribe to the growth of vegetables, which incorporate into their own fubftance many fluid bodies that never return again to their former nature: But, with fubmiffion, they ought to throw into their account thofe innumera-. ble rational beings which fetch their nourishment chiefly out of liquids; especially when we confider that men, compared with their fellow-creatures, drink much more than comes to their fhare. But, however highly this tribe of people may think of themfelves, a drunken man is a greater monster than any that is to be found among all the creatures which God has made; as indeed there. is no character which appears more defpicable and deformed, in the eyes of all reasonable perfons, than that of a drunkard. Bonefus, one of our own countrymen, who was addicted to this vice, having fet up for a fhare in the Roman empire, and being defeated in a great battle, hanged himself, When he was feen by the army in this melancholy fituation, notwithstanding he had behaved himself very bravely, the common jeft was, that the thing VOL. VIII. F they they faw hanging upon the tree before them, was not a man but a bottle. This vice has very fatal effects on the mind, the body, and fortune of the perfon who is devoted to it. In regard to the mind, it first of all discovers every flaw in it. The fober man, by the ftrength of reafon, may keep under and fubdue every vice or folly to which he is moft inclined; but wine makes every latent feed fprout up in the foul, and Thew itfelf; it gives fury to the paffions, and force to thofe objects which are apt to produce them. When a young fellow complained to an old philofopher, that his wife was not handfome, Put lefs water in your wine, fays the philofopher, and you will quickly make her fo. Wine heightens indiffe rence into love, love into jealoufy, and jealousy into madness. It often turns the good-natured man into an idiot, and the choleric into an affaffin. It gives bitterness to refentinent, it makes vanity infupportable, and displays every little spot of the foul in its utmoft deformity. Nor does this vice only betray the hidden faults of a man, and shew them in the most odious colours, but often occafions faults to which he is not naturally fubject. There is more of turn than of truth in a faying of Seneca, that drunkenness does not produce but difcover faults. Common experience teaches the contrary. Wine throws a man out of himself, and infufes qualities into the mind which he is a ftranger to in her fober moments. The perfon you converfe with, after the third bottle, is not the fame man who at first fat down at table with you. Upon this maxim is founded one of the prettieft fayings I ever met with, which is infcribed to Publius Syrus, Qui ebrium ludificat la dit abjentem; He who jefts upon a man that is drunk, injures the abfent. Thus does drunkennefs act in direct contradiction to to reafon, whofe bufinefs is to clear the mind of every vice which is crept into it, and to guard it against all the approaches of any that endeavours. to make its entrance. But, befides thefe ill effects which this vice produces in the perfon who is actually under its dominion, it has alfo a bad influence on the mind even in its fober moments, as it infenfibly weakens the understanding, impairs the me-mory, and makes thofe faults habitual which are produced by frequent exceffes. I fhould now proceed to fhew the ill effects which this vice has on the bodies and fortunes of men; but these I shall referve for the fubject of fome future paper. ******* No 570. WEDNESDAY, JULY 21. Nugaque canora. Chiming trifles. HOR. Ars Poet. ver. 322. THE HERE is fcarce a man living who is not actuated by ambition. When this principle meets with an honeft mind and great abilities, it does infinite fervice to the world; on the contrary, when a man only thinks of diftinguifhing himself, with-out being thus qualified for it, he becomes a very pernicious or a very ridiculous creature. I fhail here confine myself to that pretty kind of ambition by which fome men grow eminent for odd accomplishments, and trivial performances. How many are there whofe whole reputation depends upon a pun or a quibble? You may often fee an artist inthe ftreets gain a circle of admirers by carrying a long pole upon his chin or forehead in a perpendicular pofture. Ambition has taught fome to write with their feet, and others to walk upon their |