Scene III, IV. MERRY WIVES OF WINDSOR, Shal. By my fidelity, this is not well, master, licly shamed: and, methinks, there would be no period to the jest, should he not be publicly Ford; this wrongs you. Eva. Master Ford, you must pray, and not shamed. follow the imaginations of your own heart: this is jealousies. Ford, Well, he's not here I seek for. Mrs. Page. Come, to the forge with it then, Host and Bardolph. Page. No, nor no where else, but in your brain. Bard. Sir, the Germans desire to have three al your horses: the duke himself will be to-morrow as court, and they are going to meet him. ford. Host. They shall have my horses; but I'll make Ford. Old woman! What old woman's that? Mrs. Ford. Why, it's my maid's aunt of Brent-them pay, I'll sauce them: they have had my house a week at command; I have turned away my other [Exeunt. guests: they must come off; I'll sauce them: Comc. SCENE IV.A room in Ford's House. Enter Ford. A witch, a quean, an old cozening quean! Have I not forbid her my house? She comes of errands, does she? We are simple men; we do not know what's brought to pass under the profession of fortune-telling. She works by charms, by spells, by the figure, and such daubery as this is; -Come beyond our element: we know nothing.lown, you witch, you hag you; come down, I say. Mrs. Ford. Nay, good sweet husband;-good as ever I did look upon." gentlemen, let him not strike the old woman. Enter Falstaffin women's clothes, led by Mrs. Page. Mrs. Page. Come, mother Pratt, come, give me your hand. Ford. I'll prat her:Out of my door, you witch! [beats him.] you rag, you baggage, you polecat, you ronyons out! out! I'll conjure you, [Exit Falstaff. I'll fortune-tell you. Mrs. Page. Are you not ashamed? I think, you have kill'd the poor woman. Mrs. Ford. Nay, he will do it:-'Tis a goodly credit for you. Ford. Hang her, witch! Eva. By yea and no, I think, the 'oman is a witch indeed: I like not when a 'oman has a great Jeard; I spy a great peard under her mufller. Ford. Will you follow, gentlemen? I beseech you, follow; see but the issue of my jealousy: if 1 ery out thus upon no trail,' never trust me when I open again. Page. Let's obey his humour a little further; Come, gentlemen. [Ex. Page, Ford, Shal. and Eva. Mrs. Page. Trust me, he beat him most pitifully. Mrs. Ford. Nay, by the mass, that he did not; he beat him most unpitifully, methought. Eva. 'Tis one of the pest discretions of a 'oman Page. And did he send you both these letters at an instant? I Mrs. Page. Within a quarter of an hour. rather will suspect the sun with cold, "Tis well, 'tis well; no more But let our plot go forward: let our wives Page. How to send him word they'll meet him in the park at midnight! fie, fie; he'll never come. Eva. You say he has been thrown in the rivers; and has been grievously peaten, as an old 'oman; methinks, there should be terrors in him, that he should not come; methinks his flesh is punished, he shall have no desires. Page. So think I too. Mrs. Ford. Devise but how you'll use him when he comes, Mrs. Page. I'll have the cudgel hallowed, and hung o'er the altar; it hath done meritorious service. Mrs. Ford. What think you? May we, with the And let us two devise to bring him thither. Mrs. Page. There is an old tale goes, that Herne the hunter, warrant of womanhood, and the witness of a good conscience, pursue him with any further revenge? Mrs. Page. The spirit of wantonness is, sure, Sometime a keeper here in Windsor forest, scared out of him; if the devil have him not in fee-Doth all the winter time, at still midnight, simple, with fine and recovery, he will never, I Walk round about an oak, with great ragg'd horn; And there he blasts the tree, and takes the cattle, think, in the way of waste, attempt us again. Mrs. Ford. Shall we tell our husbands how we And makes milch-kine yield blood, and shakes a have served him? chain Mrs. Page. Yes, by all means; if it be but to In a most hideous and dreadful manner. fat knight shall be any further afflicted, we two will The superstitious idle-headed eld Mrs. Ford. I'll warrant, they'll have him pub-This tale of Herne the hunter for a truth. (3) Scent. (4) Cry out. (5) Strikes. (6) Old age. Page. Why, yet there want not many, that do fear thick-skin? speak, breathe, discuss; brief, short, Mrs. Ford. Marry, this is our device; That Falstaff at that oak shall meet with us, Disguis'd like Herne, with huge horns on his head. Page. Well, let it not be doubted but he'll come, And in this shape: When you have brought him thither, What shall be done with him? what is your plot? Mrs. Page. That likewise have we thought on, and thus: Sim. Marry, sir, I come to speak with sir John Falstaff from master Slender. Host. There's his chamber, his house, his castle, his standing-bed, and truckle-bed; 'tis painted about with the story of the prodigal, fresh and new Go, knock and call; he'll speak like an Anthropo phaginians unto thee: Knock, I say. Sim. There's an old woman, a fat woman, gone up-up into his chamber; I'll be so bold as to stay, sit till she come down: I come to speak with her, in deed. Nan Page my daughter, and my little son, Mrs. Ford. And till he tell the truth, Let the supposed fairies pinch him sound,3 And burn him with their tapers. Mrs. Page. The truth being known, We'll all present ourselves; dis-horn the spirit, And mock him home to Windsor. Ford. The children must Be practised we to this, or they'll ne'er do't. Eva. I will teach the children their behaviours; and I will be like a jack-an-napes also, to burn the knight with my taber. Ford. That will be excellent. I'll go buy them vizards. Mrs. Page. My Nan shall be the queen of all the fairies, Finely attired in a robe of white. Page. That silk will I go buy ;-and in that time Shall master Slender steal my Nan away, [Aside. And marry her at Eton.-Go, send to Falstaff straight. Ford. Nay, I'll to him again in name of Brook: He'll tell me all his purpose: sure he'll come. Mrs. Page. Fear not you that: Go, get us properties,4 And tricking for our fairies. Eva. Let us about it: It is admirable pleasures, and fery honest knaveries. [Exeunt Page, Ford, and Evans. Mrs. Page. Go, mistress Ford, Send quickly to sir John, to know his mind. [Exit Mrs. Ford. Host. Ha! a fat woman! the knight may be rob bed: I'll call.-Bully knight! Bully sir John. speak from thy lungs military: Art thou there! it is thine host, thine Ephesian, calls. Fal. [Above.] How now, mine host? Host. Here's a Bohemian Tartar tarries the coming down of thy fat woman: Let her descend, bully, let her descend: my chambers are honourable: Fie! privacy? fie! Enter Falstaff. Fal. There was, mine host, an old fat woman even now with me; but she's gone. Sim. Pray you, sir, was't not the wise woman of Brentford ? Fal. Ay, marry, was it, muscle-shell; would you with her? What Sim. My master, sir, my master Slender, sent to her, seeing her go through the streets, to know, sir, whether one Nym, sir, that beguiled him of a chain, had the chain, or no. Fal. I spake with the old woman about it. Fal. Marry, she says, that the very same man, that beguiled master Slender of his chain, cozened him of it. Sim. I would, I could have spoken with the woman herself; I had other things to have spoken with her too, from him. Fal. What are they? let us know. Sim. I may not conceal them, sir. Sim. Why, sir, they were nothing but about mistress Anne Page; to know, if it were my mas ter's fortune to have her, or no. Fal. 'Tis, 'tis his fortune. Sim. What, sir? Fal. To have her,-or no: Go; say, the woman told me so. Sim. May I be so bold to say so, sir? Sim. I thank your worship: I shall make my master glad with these tidings. [Exit Simple. Host. Thou art clerkly, thou art clerkly, fir John: Was there a wise woman with thee? 'll to the doctor; he hath my good will, her. SCENE V.-A room in the Garter Inn. Enter Host. What would'st thou have, boor? what, Enter Bardolph. Bard. Out, alas, sir! cozenage! meer cozenage Host. Where be my horses? speak well of them, varletto. Bard. Run away with the cozeners; for so noon (6) Cunning woman, a fortune-teller 77) Scholar-like. as I came beyond Eton, they threw me off, from SCENE VI. Another Room in the Garter Inn. behind one of them, in a sigh of mire; and set Enter Fenton and Host. spurs, and away, like three German devils, three Doctor Faustuses. Host. Master Fenton, talk not to me; my mind Host. They are gone but to meet the duke, vil-is heavy, I will give over ali. lain: do not say, they be fled; Germans are honest men. Enter Sir Hugh Evans. E. Where is mine host? Fent. Yet hear me speak: Assist me in my purpose, And, as I am a gentleman, I'll give thee A hundred pounds in gold, more than your loss. Host. I will hear you, master Fenton; and I will, at the least, keep your counsel. Fent. From time to time I have acquainted you Eva. Have a care of your entertainments: there With the dear love I bear to fair Anne Page; is a friend of mine come to town, tells me, there Who, mutually, hath answered my affection is three cousin Germans, that has cozened all the (So far forth as herself might be her chooser,) hosts of Readings, of Maidenhead, of Colebrook, Even to my wish: I have a letter from her of horses and money. I tell you for a good-will, Of such contents as you will wonder at; look you: you are wise, and full of gibes and The mirth whereof so larded with my matter, vlouting-stogs; and 'tis not convenient you should That neither, singly, can be manifested, be cozened: Fare you well. [Exit. Without the show of both; wherein fat Falstaff Hath a great scene; the image of the jest [Showing the letter. I'll show you here at large. Hark, good mine host: To-night at Herne's oak, just 'twixt twelve and one, Enter Doctor Caius. Caius. Vere is mine Host de Jarterre? Host. Here, master doctor, in perplexity, and doubtful dilemma. Must my sweet Nan present the fairy queen, Caius. I cannot tell vat is dat: but it is tell-a The purpose why, is here; in which disguise, me, dat you make grand preparation for a duke de While other jests are something rank on foot, Jarmany: by my trot, dere is no duke, dat de Her father hath commanded her to slip court is know to come; I tell you for good vill: Away with Slender, and with him at Eton adieu. [Exit. Immediately to marry: she hath consented; Host. Hue and cry, villain, go:-assist me, Now, sir, knight; I am undone :-fly, run, hue and cry, vil- Her mother, even strong against that match, lain! I am undone! [Exeunt Host and Bardolph. And firm for doctor Caius, hath appointed Fal. I would, all the world might be cozened; That he shall likewise shuffle her away, for I have been cozen'd and beaten too. If it should While other sports are tasking of their minds, come to the ear of the court, how I have been And at the deanery, where a priest attends, transformed, and how my transformation hath been Straight marry her: to this her mother's plot washed and cudgelled, they would melt me out of She, seemingly obedient, likewise hath my fat, drop by drop, and liquor fishermen's boots Made promise to the doctor;-Now, thus it rests. with me; I warrant, they would whip me with Her father means she shall be all in white; their fine wits, till I were as crest-fallen as a dried And in that habit, when Slender sees his time pear. I never prospered since I fors wore myself To take her by the hand, and bid her go, at Primero. Well, if my wind were but long She shall go with him :-her mother hath intended, enough to say my prayers, I would repent. Enter Mrs. Quickly. Now! whence come you? Quick. From the two parties, forsooth. Fal. The devil take one party, and his dam the other, and so they shall be both bestowed! I have suffered more for their sakes, more, than the villanous inconstancy of man's disposition is able to bear. Quick. And have not they suffered? Yes, warrant; speciously one of them; mistress Ford, good heart, is beaten black and blue, that you cannot see a white spot about her. Fal. What tell'st thou me of black and blue? I was beaten myself into all the colours of the rain The better to denote her to the doctor, (For they must all be mask'd and vizarded,) Fent. Both, my good host, to go along with me: Host. Well, husband your device; I'll to the bow, and I was like to be apprehended for the Bring you the maid, you shall not lack a priest. Fent. So shall I evermore be bound to thee; witch of Brentford; but that my admirable dex terity of wit, my counterfeiting the action of an old Besides, I'll make a present recompense. [Exeunt. woman, deliver'd me, the knave constable had set me" the stocks, i' the common stocks, for a witch. Quick. Sir, let me speak with you in your chamber: you shall hear how things go; and, I warrant, to your content. Here is a letter will ACT V. Falstaff and Mrs. Quickly. say somewhat. Good hearts, what ado here is to SCENE I-A Room in the Garter Inn. Enter bring you together! Sure, one of you does not serve heaven well, that you are so crossed. Fal. Come up into my chamber. (1) A game at cards. [Exeunt. Fal. Pry'thee, no more prattling;-go.-I hola This is the third time; I hope good luck the very instant of Falstaff's and our meeting, they lies in odd numbers. Away, go; they say, there will at once display to the night. is divinity in odd numbers, either in nativity, chance, or death.-Away. Quick. I'll provide you a chain; and I'll do what I can to get you a pair of horns. Fal. Away, I say; time wears; hold up your nead, and mince. [Exit Mrs. Quickly. Enter Ford. Mrs. Ford. That cannot choose but amaze him. Mrs. Page. If he be not amazed, he will be mocked; if he be amazed, he will every way be mocked. Mrs. Ford. We'll betray him finely. Mrs. Page. Against such lewdsters, and their Those that betray them do no treachery. How now, master Brook? Master Brook, the matter will be known to-night, or never. Be you in the Park about midnight, at Herne's oak, and you SCENE IV.-Windsor Park. Enter Sir Hugh shall see wonders. Ford. Went you not to her yesterday, sir, as you told me you had appointed? Evans, and Fairies. Eva. Trib, trib, fairies; come; and remember Fal. I went to her, master Brook, as you see, your parts: be pold, I pray you; follow me into I'ke a poor old man: but I came from her, master the pit; and when I give the watch-'ords, do as I Brook, like a poor old woman. That same knave, pid you: Come, come; trib, trib. [Exeunt. Ford her husband, hath the finest mad devil of Jealousy in him, master Brook, that ever governed SCENE V-Another part of the Park. Enter phrensy. I will tell you.-He beat me grievously, Falstaff disguised, with a buck's head on. in the shape of a woman; for in the shape of man, master Brook, I fear not Goliath with a weaver's minute draws on: Now, the hot-blooded gods assist Fal. The Windsor bell hath struck twelve; the beam; because I know also, life is a shuttle. I am .n haste, go along with me; I'll tell you all, mas- me!-Remember, Jove, thou wast a bull for thy er Brook. Since I plucked geese, played truant, Europa; love set on thy horns.-O powerful love! and whipped top, I knew not what it was to be that, in some respects, makes a beast a man; in beaten, till lately. Follow me: I'll tell you strange some other, a man a beast.-You were also, Jupiter, things of this knave Ford: on whom to-night I will swan, for the love of Leda; 0, omnipotent be revenged, and I will deliver his wife into your love! how near the god drew to the complexion of hand.-Follow: Strange things in hand, master goose!-A fault done first in the form of a beast; Brook! follow. [Exeunt. -O Jove, a beastly fault! and then another fault in the semblance of a fowl; think on't, Jove; a SCENE II.-Windsor Park. Enter Page, Shal-foul fault.-When gods have hot backs, what shall poor men do? For me, I am here a Windsor stag; and the fattest, I think, i' the forest: send me a Page. Come, come; we'll couch i' the castle- cool rut-time, Jove, or who can blame me to piss ditch, till we see the light of our fairies.-Remem-my tallow! Who comes here? my doe? er, son Slender, my daughter. low, and Slender. Slen. Ay, forsooth; I have spoke with her, and we have a nay-word, how to know one another. I come to her in white, and cry, mum; she cries,] budget; and by that we know one another. a Enter Mrs. Ford and Mrs. Page. Mrs. Ford. Sir John? art thou there, my deer? my male deer? Shal. That's good too: But what needs either rain potatoes, let it thunder to the tune of Green Fal. My doe, with the black scut?-Let the sky your mum, or her budget? the white will decipher Sleeves, hail kissing comfits, and snow eringoes; her well enough.-It hath struck ten o'clock. let there come a tempest of provocation, I will Page. The night is dark; light and spirits will shelter me here. become it well. Heaven prosper our sport! No man means evil but the devil, and we shall know him by his horns. Let's away; follow me. SCENE III.-The Street in Windsor. [Embracing her. Mrs. Ford. Mistress Page is come with me, sweetheart. Fal. Divide me like a bribe-buck, each a haunch: [Exeunt. I will keep my sides to myself, my shoulders for the fellow of this walk, and my horns I bequeath your Enter husbands. Am I a woodman? ha! Speak I like Herne the hunter?-Why, now is Cupid a child of spirit, welcome! conscience; he makes restitution. As I am a true [Noise within. Mrs. Page, Mrs. Ford, and Dr. Caius. Mrs. Page. Master doctor, my daughter is in green when you see your time, take her by the hand, away with her to the deanery, and despatch t quickly: Go before into the park; we two must" go together. Caius. I know vat I have to do; Adieu. Mrs. Page. Fare you well, sir. [Exit Camus.] My husband will not rejoice so much at the abuse of Falstaff, as he will chafe at the doctor's marrying my daughter: but 'tis no matter; better a little chiding, than a great deal of heart-break. Mrs. Ford. Where is Nan now, and her troop of fairies? and the Welsh devil, Hugh? Mrs. Page. They are all couched in a pit hard by Herne's oak, with obscured lights; which, at (1) Keep to the time. (2) Watch-word. Mrs. Page. Alas! what noise? Fal. What should this be? [They run off. Mrs. Page. Away, away. Enter Sir Hugh Evans, like a satyr; Mrs. Quickly You moon-shine revellers, and shades of night, Pist. Elves, list your names; silence, you airy toys. Cricke, to Windsor chimneys shalt thou leap: Where fires thou find'st unrak'd, and hearths unswept, There pinch the maids as blue as bilberry:* shall die. I'll wink and couch: No man their works must eye. [Lies down upon his face. Eva. Where's Pede ?-Go you, and where you find a maid, That, ere she sleep, has thrice her prayers said, But those as sleep, and think not on their sins, Pinch them, arms, legs, backs, shoulders, sides, and shins. Quick. About, about; Search Windsor castle, elves, within and out: In emerald tufts, flowers purple, blue, and white; in order set: And twenty glow-worms shall our lanterns be, Fal. Heavens defend me from that Welch fairy, lest he transform me to a piece of cheese! Pist. Vile worm, thou wast o'er-look'd even in thy birth. Quick. With trial-fire touch me his finger end: If he be chaste, the flame will back descend, And turn him to no pain; but if he start, It is the flesh of a corrupted heart. Pist. A trial, come. Eva. ? Come, will this wood take fire [They burn him with their tapers. Fal. Oh, oh, oh! Quick. Corrupt, corrupt, and tainted in desire! About him, fairies; sing a scornful rhyme: And, as vou trip, still pinch him to your time. Era. It is right; indeed he is full of lecheries and niquity. Enter Page, Ford, Mrs. Page, and M. Ford. They lay hold on him. Page. Nay, do not fly: I think, we have watch'd you now; Will none but Herne the hunter serve your turn? Now, good sir John, how like you Windsor wives? Ford. Now, sir, who's a cuckold now?-Master Brook, Falstaff's a knave, a cuckoldly knave; here are his horns, master Brook: And, master Brook, he hath enjoyed nothing of Ford's but his buck basket, his cudgel, and twenty pounds of money which must be paid to master Brook; his horses are arrested for it, master Brook. Mrs. Ford. Sir John, we have had ill luck; we could never meet. I will never take you for my love again, but I will always count you my deer. Fal. I do begin to perceive that I am made ar. ass. Ford. Ay, and an ox too; both the proofs are extant. Fal. And these are not fairies? I was three or four times in the thought, they were not fairies: and yet the guiltiness of my mind, the sudden surprise of my powers, drove the grossness of the foppery into a received belief, in despite of the teeth of all rhyme and reason, that they were fairies. See now, how wit may be made a Jack-a-lent, when 'tis upon ill employment! Eva. Sir John Falstaff, serve Got, and leave your desires, and fairies will not pinse you. Ford. Well said, fairy Hugh. Eva. And leave you your jealousies too, I pray |